Creepy/Cooky

The year I moved to Chicago, a show called Spamalot was playing in town. Since I was making barely enough money to live (ok live AND be able to attend happy hour), and since I didn't quite yet understand that previews for shows were done out of town before they hit Broadway, I made no effort to see it. . .which I have regretted ever since. So, I vowed to see every Broadway show that previews here.

As a result, I suffered through The Pirate Queen. horrific.

When I saw the Addams Family was coming to Chicago starring Bebe Neuwirth and Nathan Lane, I was ecstatic. "These are two people who wouldn't be in a crappy musical," I thought. So, I bought the cheapest tickets I could (hey! It's Christmas! Can't spend too much on myself. . .), grabbed my other musical theater geek friend, Jessie, and headed to the theater!

First, I watched a lot of Addams Family as a kid, so I'm definitely familiar. I've also seen one (if not both) of the movies. I'm not going to rehash the whole musical, but basically it opens in this graveyard scene where they're doing some ceremony that involves Wednesday becoming a woman (and cutting her iconic pigtails). A few minutes/musical numbers in, we see the facade of the Addams house, which falls in dramatic fashion to reveal the family and a version of the theme song. This, in my opinion, is the beginning of the show.

One of the great things about the Addams Family is the strength of their female characters. Morticia is strong, secure, and in control. Perfect for Bebe Neuwirth. In the musical, she's a short step away from being a shallow, self-absorbed cougar. It really does both the role and the actress a disservice.

The musical couldn't figure out what story it wanted to tell - with 7 characters in the house, they could have focused on those relationships and didn't really need to introduce the family of Wednesday's boyfriend (p.s. most of the story is about Wednesday wanting to run away with a normal boy), and the most interesting characters are underused.

Also, I know his name is Gomez, but was he always latin? Hmm. Nathan Lane makes it work, but better to work with Nathan Lane, than make him make it work. . .ya know?

I'm so curious to see how this show will change before it hits B'Way. . .and if they'll get rid of the 5 minute Tango number in the show. I don't like Tango week on Dancing with the Stars, let alone in a musical.

Also, I'm pretty sure there was a squid raping a man in the show. pretty sure. . .

T-. . .i forget

After posting last time that I have not heard Feliz Navidad nearly enough, I heard it! For some reason, that song makes my brother and me inexplicably happy. As kids, when it would come on, one of us would scream for the other and then we'd sing the english parts using our best Elvis/Cher impression (side note: have you ever noticed how similar their voices are?), and try to figure out exactly where the "haHA!" comes in.

I've missed about a week of posts, so in a nutshell, here are the holiday activities during that time:
-Account Team holiday party - Iron Chef. We had to face off in pairs to create a course. I got dessert, which is right up my alley. Unfortunately, I decided to make pastry from scratch (I don't so much like to lose things. . .), and that involved a lot of work the night before, including trips to three different grocery stores to find Wondra Flour. FAIL. But I ended up beating my coworker who dislocated his shoulder the night before so. . .win?

-Becky's Bday Party! Headed to Southport Lanes to see college friends who I haven't seen in WAY too long. Southport Lanes has actual pin-setters who liked to mess with me and lift up the one pin I was gonna knock over (I swear I was better at bowling at one point in my life. . .).

-Rehearsals My improv/sketch group is trying to put up a new sketch show, revamp an old one, and prep for an improv competition, which means that from now until Feb, most of my extra time will be spent rehearsing, putting together schedules, writing stuff, etc. It's a good thing I love my group and spending time with them, otherwise it would be brutal! As of now, I'm slated to choreograph a dance for two of the boys, which is making me way too happy.

And remember - you can never have too much Jose Feliciano.

A fairytale, they say (T-18,17,16)

Weekend events: Work holiday party, Class, Rehearsal

Friday: So after all the number crunching on Thursday, my head was pudding on Friday. I also had to wear my party dress to work (and be careful not to bend over too far), so it was a fun day. We all headed to Hawkeyes on Taylor Street and then to RoSal's. . .also on Taylor Street. Our dinner was based on The Big Night, which if you haven't seen it, is an 11-course meal. 11 courses! A marathon, not a race. By course 10, I was pretty much done. Thankfully I have an extra stomach for cannoli! hehe. I think I'm still full.

Saturday: Had Second City class (last one until January!!) then we went to Jimmy Johns, improv rehearsal, and home. After the week you all read about, there's nothing like having some couch time. It was delightful.

Sunday: Had a lot planned. . .was gonna catch up on all of my chores, clean up, do all my personal stuff that doesn't get done during the week. What did I do? Uh, watched Elf, 40 Year-Old Virgin and 2 eps of Family Ties. Had rehearsal at this new place where they were super anal and came in at 9:30 to yell at us for still being there (we had it reserved from 7:30-9:30). Seriously?

Side note: Have not heard Feliz Navidad played nearly enough. I love that song.

Jack Frost nipping at your nose (T-19 days)

Today's event: Making up my Second City class

The lovely thing about a client party the night before is that when you walk into work, everyone is pretty low key. Had to make up for the work I missed by leaving at 4:30 yesterday, so the morning was a whirlwind. I decided to celebrate by going to Nordstrom to buy boots.

Ok, so my calves. Let's talk about them. First, one is a half inch larger around than the other. 2) they're huge. I grew up playing landsports, so they are muscular and do not fit in boots. The chick at Nordstrom asked me what I wanted, only listened to one of the boots I asked for before she turned around. Luckily, I caught her attention again to ask her for the other two boots I wanted to try (since she was in no hurry to get the first pair I requested). Then she dumped them and said she'd be back. After spending a good 10-15 minutes trying to cram my calves into boots and no sign of the boot lady, I left them there an went back to work. At least I don't have cankles. Thank goodness for small blessings.

After work, I headed to SC, afraid to get there too early and awkwardly sit in the lobby with nothing to read. Luckily, I ran into Sam at Starbucks, and then Patrick, and then Melissa (a blog reader and awesome friend!), so I had people to talk to. After the awkwardness of class with a bunch of people I don't know (and some I do), who were weirded out that so many of us crashed their class, I ran into Jessie (also in my SC class, but was actually there to see a show).

As usual, it's midnight, and I'm not in bed, so I should get on that. Who's happy it's Friday tomorrow (technically today?) I know I am!!

Gonna find out who's naughy or nice (T-20 days)

Today's event: Client holiday party

Today started out bright and early (4:30am!) with me waking up to finish documenting my hours for the month. Argh. Luckily, I was done by 6am and promptly jumped back into bed to get some more sleep. I had a 10am meeting up north, which means I get to get up about a half hour later than normal. . .MUCH needed!

Also, as a result, I was home to see Meredith Baxter come out on the Today Show. Honestly, I love celeb gossip and stuff as much as the next girl, but why is that news? What's especially sad is that she felt like she had to announce it because a tabloid was going to out her. Again, I'm a huge Family Ties fan, but I can't imagine that if that was the cover story on Star or US Weekly or whatever that it would fly off the shelves (and I am doubly the target audience). Good for her for realizing what makes her happy, and owning the story, as they say.

Onto today's event! We had a client holiday party at R Bar (or Arrrr Barrrr, as we were calling it at work). The drive featured Lady Gaga and the event had some yummy sliders, lots of club soda, and grifters at the bar asking Mananya and me about the event. The joke about this holiday party is that every year, it always snows on whatever day we have it. Today was supposed to be our first snow of the year, but instead it rained. Bullet=dodged.


Sha na na na.

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright (T-21 days)

Today's event: Pam's Going Away Drinks #2

I had planned to get up at 5:30, do a little yoga with my pal Tony Horton, shower, and skip along to work. What happened? I slept. whee! Sorry Ton'.

So, I work in the middle of an area that lots of promoters like to hawk their stuff. One day, my (now former) coworker Pam was grabbing lunch across the street, and these guys were like "Hey, hold this and take a picture for ESPN." She does it, and it turns out they were making her hold a Maalox t-shirt. While cleaning out her desk, she offers it to me and I gladly accept. So instead of advertising my love of neutralizing heartburn, I decided to have our whole office sign it for her. mwahahaha. Everybody deserves a fun going away present!



Finished up work a little later than everyone else, so I headed over to Kerryman late. This bar is gorgeous. I really should go there more. Anyway, the club soda thing went out the window. . .luckily I'm a super slow drinker, so I nursed my Hoegaarden for about 2 hours. Realized that my hours are due tomorrow and that I left that documents I need at work, so I had to head back there (btw, super creepy when nobody is around!) and then jump on the bus to come back. Still working on them. . .and may wakeup early to get them done. Awesome.

Mix and Mingle with the Jinglin' Beat (T-22 days)

Today's event: Pam's Going Away Drinks #1

First day back at work, and everything is moving a little more slowly. My body, my brain, everything. Did you ever notice though, that on the first day back from a vacation, people are kind of in a crappy mood. It's like "Yeah, none of us really want to be here today. We want to be in our jammies, watching football, eating cold stuffing, but that's not in the cards."

I also caught myself fantasizing about sweet potato casserole today. To the point where I was contemplating making it and wondering how long it lasts. Goddamn it's delicious though. So I can relate to not being over that it's not Thanksgiving anymore. Let's just be nice to each other though, k?

As part of my coworker Pam's sendoff, we're going to all of her favorite eating establishments. Today: Wow Bao. They have this amazing Thai Herb Broth. So tasty. That and banana bao, and we have ourselves a meal.

Anyway, today's event was the first of two going away parties for Pam. We spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out where to go as well as Mananya and I trying to determine if the new Whole Foods is within an acceptable range so that we could get some kombucha, wine, beer, and samples! (it's not).

We ended up going to Reagle Beagle (based on the bar from Three's Company). It's really red and kitschy in there. Since all these holiday events add up, I'm trying not to drink very much, so I don't end up 800 lbs. So, club soda, you and me will be friends. The waitress kinda kicked ass at refilling it and then didn't charge us. Pretty awesome.




Crappy blackberry pic of Mananya and Pam. See how red it is in there?

Countdown to Xmas break - T-minus 24

Hi blog readers!

I was just reminded that I haven't posted since um. . .September? eesh.

Ok, so to recap the fall TV preview (and stuff I never got around to posting. . .):

-Great! Modern Family
-Want to love it, but can't get into it: V
-Better than I thought: Cougartown
-Gonners: The Beautiful Life

Now begins the annual Countdown to Xmas break (which for me starts Dec 22). As a reminder, we have client parties, holiday parties, birthday parties, xmas shopping, and a show to write (premiering at Donny's Skybox Jan 23 - come see it!).

This year, I may also stalk the holiday train on the El. I kinda love it. Or just take the train a lot and hope that I catch it one of these days. It's almost better when it's a surprise.

Anyway, on the agenda for today -
-P90x (screw you, Thanksgiving)
-Xmas shopping! Possibly braving Mich Ave. . .girl needs some boots.
-Writing session

Let's go. . .together, we can make it through this nutty holiday season. Feel free to post comments about the things you have to go to too. I'll bet there will be calamari!

FALL TV REVIEW: The Good Wife

Name of Show: The Good Wife
Network: CBS
Day: Tuesday
Time: 10pm EST/9pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!

Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alicia Florrick - wife of politician
Will - head guy at law firm
Diane (Christine Baranski!) - head lady at law firm
Peter Florrick (Chris Noth) - politician
Kalinda Sharmo - in-house investigator at law firm, fired in previous job by Peter, 25 years old
Matton - met Alicia at department office party
Judge Richard Cuesta - honorable, residing
Jackie - mother-in-law. likes telling granddaughter she's fast
Cary Agos - douchebag associate

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! argh!

Basic premise: State's attorney got caught with hookers and the wife has to rebuild her wife. . .by becoming a lawyer.

Pilot plot:
Starts with the scene that has been in all the commercials - Chris Noth as a politician apologizing for his affair. His wife stands teary-eyed by his side and backstage, slaps him on the face. haha. He refuses to give interviews to the Tribune and Channel 2. . .which is funny because this show airs on channel 2. hmmm.

Then, we fast foward 6 months and see his wife, Alicia, starting her first day of work at a law firm. It turns out she's in the wrong conference room and sprints up the spiral stairs (oooh dizzy), only to be assigned to head up pro bono work. ouch.

Christine Baranski, as Diane, fills her in on the case she'll be picking up, some chick named Jennifer Lewis who was tried for killing her ex-husband and making it look like a car jacking. Last trial had a hung jury, so Alicia needs to make sure that doesn't happen again. Oh, and she has to go to court starting this afternoon. Today is the day! Diane also kindly brings up that Alicia brings with her prominent baggage, then gestures toward a picture with her standing next to Hillary Clinton and says "If she can do it, you can." Um. . .thanks?

Alicia walks into some guy's office and he's watching a You Tube video of Peter's apology speech. klassy. Some douchebag associate condescends his way through a conversation with her, while ogling assistants' asses and making chauvinistic comments. Let's hope that guy gets what's coming to him at some point this season.

Alicia goes to her office and waiting for her is an investigator named Kalinda, whose purpose seems to be to bring up how she was fired by Peter and that she's 25 (me: "yeah, plus 10.").

While heading into court, Alicia's daughter calls and nonchalantly asks if the hookers dad was sleeping with were teenagers because she heard something at school but didn't know if it was true or not. cute.

First day in court! Judge doesn't like Alicia's husband, Jennifer isn't happy that she has new representation, but the judge lets her out of jail as long as she wears an ankle bracelet. I hear they're all the rage.

Alicia and Kalinda meet with Jennifer to have her recount the story and Kalinda eyes all the physical signs. Alicia tries to get the nice-assed assistant to bring in some water, but she's too busy helping Cary (the douchebag associate). Alicia shoots a look that says "Thanks a lot, skank."
Jennifer and Alicia talk about moving forward, and Alicia tells her to put on nice makeup and clothes and read a book. . .fiction if possible. hmm. interesting advice. Kalinda warns her that she'll burnout fast if she relates to all the clients. Thanks, girl with 3 years experience.

Alicia heads out ot interview the jurors from the original trial, and things don't look so good. Basically, she learns that the vote was 11-1 (why are there even numbers on juries?) and there was one lone holdout. The rest wanted it to be over, so they changed their votes so that the jury would be hung and they could go. She visits Juror #9 who is a crazy cat lady (although those cats were cute!) and she says that she held out because she liked Diane and "just had a gut feeling." Not exactly helpful when trying to get a new jury to go your way.

She bumps into Will, and asks about some douchebag comment Cary made about the "best man" winning. Apparently people weren't supposed to know, but there's only one associate position open, so they decided to hire 2 people for six months and then give the job to the best person. BUT, he's glad the pro bono case is going well. um. . .shit.

Alicia visits Peter in jail, and they talk about paperwork stuff. He tells her that he remembers the Jennifer Lewis case and that there's a rumor that some evidence or testimony is buried. He also says he's innocent of abuse of office charges (hmm. . .abuse of office charges. . .Chicago. . .so familiar!)

Alicia and Kalinda visit the warehouse area and Alicia notices there should be another page to the crime lab report. They also figure out that even though the warehouse tapes don't support the crime, maybe they were mislabeled. Since boobs are better than subpoenas (her words, not mine), Kalinda works her "magic" with the warehouse guy. Alicia decides to suck up to the office assistant whom he berates. We don't know yet which tactic got them further, but I'm rooting for boobs! Yay boobs!

Back at home, mom-in-law Jackie tells Alicia to forgive Peter because he's hurting. She tells her to eat shit and die (not really, but in different words).

Back in court, the second wife testifies and Alicia can't say anything without being objected to. She does manage to bring up the possible hiding of evidence, and in chambers (thanks Law and Order for helping with my lingo!), the prosecution accuses her of being fed evidence from Peter (true, but harsh!). The judge demands that they find the missing evidene, but warns Alicia that IF she did get her info from Peter, she's walking a very fine ethical line.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Can she win this case? Will the judge find out the truth that she was fed info from Peter?

Alicia is in Diane's office getting reprimanded by her and will for changing strategies and not updating management. They decide that because she was married to a state's attorney and lived in Highland Park (oooh, appropriate Chicagoland reference!), that she doesn't think she's a junior associate. They decide to move Cary to first chair.

Kalinda talked to/agreed to drinks with some guy at the police and she found out the missing evidence is some dog hair that doesn't match. Alicia takes home the warehouse video and some plastic bag flying around. . .which apparently is proof?

Back in court, she shows warehouse videos from the day before, day of, and day after the murder. The plastic bag flies around at the same time in all the tapes. Security guard guy admits to being lazy and just duplicating the tapes for the days he doesn't do the rounds Another profession disparaged in a fall pilot. Sorry security guards!

Alicia is chatting with Will in her office about the case, apparently they were old law school friends. Alicia thinks Wife 2 may not have been happy with the ex-husband having dinner with Jennifer. . .possible suspect?

New state's attorney tells Alicia that Peter is using her. She tells him he's a scumbag for releasing the sex tape to the press. . .but more nicely.

Back in court, Alicia links Wife 2 to dog racing lotion chemicals found at the scene as well as greyhound dog hairs and her brother who works at the racetrack. Objections were made, but the damage is done!

At bar, Kalinda asks her her why she stood by Peter. Basically, she was blindsided. . .and that's all the reason she gives. Erm. . .ok. Phone rings and jury's in!

Alicia and the DA gather in chambers. The judge informs them that the cops are pursuing a case against Wife 1 and the brother and the state's attorney has decided to drop this case. Yay! Victory!

Will brings by wine and tells her she's 2nd chair in a civil case. I guess that's good? She then listens to a message from Peter as a slideshow of family pics plays on her computer monitor. His lawyers think they can overturn his case. She seems notsohappy about this news.

Until next week!

Reaction: When I first saw commercials for this show I thought "Awesome! That's such a good idea!" mainly because politicians keep cheating on their wives and the story seems to be more about the wife's reaction. I am a little surprised that the story is about the wife moving forward and less about the scandal. . .and I'm a little disappointed that it's basically a law/crime show with the B plot about the politican's affair. I do like that this episode was less backstory and more actual story. . .but does this network need another crime show?


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes

Hey look! It's _Christine Baranski_________ from __Cybill_____

Don't f-with me!

1st Fall Casualty

We have our first cancellation of the season! R.I.P. The Beautiful Life. It didn't make it to episode 3.

FALL TV REVIEW: the forgotten

Name of Show: the forgotten
Network: ABC
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alex (Christian Slater) - fighter guy, ex-cop. kinda talks like Jack Nicholson
Det. Russell - cop chick
Highway Jane - dead, 5'7", 18-22, 110 lbs.
Tyler Davies- sentenced to community service, artist, sarcastic, dropped out of med school
Lindsay Drake - runs the forgotten network. . .or hosts them
Candace - works somewhere with cubes
Jessica - goth chick witness, lives on Kedzie
"Sister Mary Margaret" - other goth chick witness
Clay - ex-boyfriend
Quint - scary bouncer guy
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
X Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! I'm shocked!

Basic premise:
People try to find out the identities of unidentified bodies

Pilot plot:
Show opens with title cards. Reading? booooo. We learn that there are over 40,000 unidentified bodies a year. Yeah, I know. I've seen the commercials.

A dead chick does a voiceover (from Heaven presumably?) lamenting that she's dead and doesn't have a name.

Cue the montage of people being called about the next project, all secret society style.
Alex is boxing
Some woman (Lindsay?) is teaching at school
Candace is so over a work party
Walter is fixing some phone lines

They all gather at a pretty nice house and Tyler arrives fresh from a community service sentence. We learn that it's the Midwest Headquarters for the Forgotten Network (or maybe the forgotten network, given their penchant for e.e. cummings-style capitalization). Since he's new, it gives them an excuse to explain the backstory of the organization. Basically, they try to figure out the identities of unidentified bodies. Yeah. . .got that from the title cards, thanks. Oh, and they have 5 days to figure out who she is - and no playing Whodunit? (by Milton Bradley), just give the chick a name, y'all!

Meanwhile, Tyler tries to sneak out. Alex gets him to stay by bragging about how great they are. . .and being within make out distance of his face. Since Tyler was assigned the job of sculpting the dead girl's (Highway Jane) face, he thinks it's weird, but relents.

Cut to a sculpting montage. . .he has a bust laying around (is that normal?) and starts making it look like Yoda (or so it appears), then puts it in some kind of mold, pops it out, puts in eyeballs (ewww!!) and voila! Dead girl resurrected! And I'm with Tyler on this one. . .it is kinda weird.

Alex and Walter go to the site where the body was discovered, and Walter asks why they're there. Alex: "Why, I'm glad you asked, Walter! This will be me an opportunity to lay some sweet backstory on you." ok, he didn't really say that, but basically we get the "A life ended here, we owe it to her to find out who she is." Yeah, ok, we get it, you're like super important.

Walter goes to nearby gas station to charm the attendant into letting him post flyers and maybe giving him some info. I'm beginning to think that Walter is a little bit of the black sheep of the Forgotten Network. As he exits the truck, we see a pic of what I think is him with Dennis Franz. awww.

Attendant will not let him post flyers and won't answer questions, he's a charmer! Walter takes pics of him (but he's behind glass - won't it be all flash?) and leaves. Attendant seems unphased by the whole situation. Day in the life, I guess.

Meanwhile, Candace ids store where Highway Jane probably bought nail polish. . .it's all Gothy, after all. Voiceover from Highway Jane to let us know they're on the right track. Kinda like the henchman vignettes from Carmen Sandiego, when you chose the correct city. . .but less entertaining. Maybe they'll increase in violence as they get closer to figuring out who she is.

We also learn that she bought her blouse on Ashland! Alex: "Ashland is West Loop, right?" uh. . .and a lot of other neighborhoods. Aren't you people supposed to be from Chicago? Nobody from
Chicago would ever say that. Walter tacks up his prize of a photo of the gas attendant - and it does have a flash spot! but you can still see his face.

Tyler and Candace go to a goth bar to hand out flyers of their pic of the sculpture. They're asked if they're cops and then are asked to leave. A couple girls claim they know Highway Jane and that her name is Vivian. They call Alex to come, but the bouncer eyes them angrily (that guy is everywhere!)

Alex arrives and we find out that the bouncer's name is Quint and that he used to date Vivian. They got into a huge fight at a Sharpener show according to the Goth girls. We learn Vivian was a CTA rider, so they promptly go to look at CTA security camera footage. Apparently she rode the blue line.

Montage of flyer handing out and interviews with people. (lots of exterior shots of Chicago and me trying to figure out where they are. they went pretty far, since there was a Pace bus stop by one of the locations). Checking off blue highlighted buildings on a satellite google map. Figured out she's a waitress. Last name! Simmons! Montage successful!

They figure out where she lived, and visit her apt the popo take over (and some sexual tension between Det. Russell and Alex. . .?). The gang meet Clay who used to date her. They eye him and take camera phone pics. He suggests talking to Quint who used to date her. Him again!!

They figure out her parents' address in Evanston and go to break the bad news, but his Vivian Simmons is very much alive and very much in the house!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Wrong Vivian Simmons! We're back at square one. Why did we think they could figure out the whole identity in the first act?

Time to Rehash what we know (and what they learned during the commercial break):
The real Vivian Simmons lost her purse at the Art Institute and Highway Jane stole her identity. The wall now features Quint's headshot - they ARE resourceful!

Alex and Det. Russell go to the med school to get Clay's info and they amazingly divulge a lot. Basically, they we learn he was kicked out of med school. They run into a student outside who informs them that he stole drugs from the lab and dealt them, and that's why he's not-so-Hippocratic.

Elsewhere in Chicago, Quint is walking menacingly down the street with his fo'ty in a brown paper bag. Walter follows him - Quint spies him, gets mad and punches him. . .then threatens to kill Walter. Noooo! No hurting Walter! He's gonna lose his job soon anyway, since nobody has landlines anymore.

Det. Russell and Alex go to pay a visit to Clay and Clay runs. . .Alex chases him down and impersonates a police officer. . .I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that. Clay claims Highway Jane was never involved in the drugs.

Everybody is Rehashing what they know when Tyler figures out that Highway Jane's tattoo is a pitchfork. They then think that her high school mascot was a devil (kind of a jump, eh?) and find the blue devils in Dubuque, Iowa. Btw, DePaul's mascot is the Blue Demon. Close, and only in Lincoln Park!

Name! Tracy Benedict. Old principal remembers her. Alex tells the mom and the sister. . .or doesn't. . .she kinda figures it out. Mom Backstories and lets us know that the dad died a year and a half ago from cancer and that Tracy and he were close. She was getting the tattoo when Mom pulled her out to let her know the dad died. As they leave, the younger sister gives them a log of whenever somebody would call the house and hangup. Probably will come in handy!

Alex stops some woman who Tracy was seen fighting with in Chicago - turns out she's the drama teacher from the high school. Was in Chicago and just ran into Tracy and told her to come home. Obvi Tracy listened.

Back to the call log - the last number matches some numbers on a bag they found at the scene. They call it and it's Jessica! One of the Goth chicks. Aww man, somebody is getting a visit from the Forgotten Network (I thought this wasn't a whodunit?)

Jessica slips up and lets them know that she does know that her name is Tracy. The VO informs us that Jessica was her good friend and showed her the ropes. She wanted to go home and bought a ticket. She told Jessica the truth, who then totally freaked out. Tracy went to get stuff out the back of the car and Tracy hit her in the head with a crowbar.

Uh. . .so why would Jessica admit that she knew her? Why wouldn't she just be like "nope. sorry?" And why no fake nun name like her friend. Jessica, you're not so smart.

The gang attend the funeral and we learn that Alex's daughter was 8 years old and kidnapped two years ago, so that's why he does this. Oooh! Story arc!

Reaction:
Interesting premise, but a little too much reviewing the facts for me. I just hope future episodes don't harp so much on why they do what they do and why it's so important. We get it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, ABC doesn't really have a crime procedural, so probably!

Hey look! It's ___Christian Slater_______ from __why can't I think of anything else he's been in?_____

what else have I been in? help her out!

FALL TV REVIEW: Accidentally On Purpose

Name of Show: Accidentally On Purpose
Network: CBS
Day: Monday
Time: 8:30pm EST/7:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: San Francisco (yet, the signs for commercial real estate in the establishing shot have NYC area codes. . .hmmmmm. . .)
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Olivia - Blonde scottish chick
James - (Grant Show) Jenna's boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?), big-wig at the paper
Billie -(Jenna Elfman) - film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph
Abby - Jenna Elfman's sister, flighty, married, red head
Zack - wants to open his own restaurant, baby daddy

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
X Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Billie gets pregnant with a guy she met at a bar. . .and now gets to deal with the consequences!

Pilot plot:

Billie works as a film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph and had just broken up with some big wig there, when he took her to Paris and didn't propose (but he did have marzipan! not even chocolate! boo! She and her Scottish (. . .?) friend Olivia are at a company party when the ex (James) shows up with Kate Moss (who is above doing a cameo on a pilot. . .or they didn't have the budget to book her).

She bolts the party and gets drinks nearby with her girlfriends. A group of 20-somethings asks her to settle a bet (which, in my cyncial way, I think is a setup to a joke about cougars. . .but it's not!) and she ends up dancing with the cutest one, Zach. . .right next to the bar.

They're hitting it off, and then he hits all of us over the head with his, oft-used, I'm guessing, pickup line: "I'm running out of charming, I think I have more back in my apartment. . .and some ravioli" ick. And she goes!!! Hope she likes the smell of herpes in the morning.

We see Zach's apartment, which is college chic, complete with a futon that Billie spends the night on. She wakes up, leaves post-it on his head (Sex and the City reference. . yawn) and leaves. . .only to walk into the losers from last night. She distracts them with a Grand Theft Auto reference and then promptly meets the girls for brunch.

She has another rendezvous with Zach. . .which we're led to believe happens a lot. . .which leads to the girls helping her with a pregnancy test. . .and it's positive. uh oh!

Her friends suggest that perhaps part of her got pregnant on purpose and wanted a baby, so she decides to keep it. . .then laments misusing her boytoy (aww sad). She figures that she has to tell him about the baby, which she decides to do in an alley behind the restaurant where he works. klassy. He decides to be involved because dad walked out on him, he was a sad boy, blah blah blah. She gives him an out, but he insists . . .and even offers to drive her to the doctor. Why is this character so nice? How long will it last? When can we hear more cheesy pickup lines?

Zach picks up Billie in a 16-passenger van, and mentions that he was just crashing at David's and now sleeps in the van. "Hmmm. . ." I think, "I'll bet she offers to let him stay with her." And after a scene where he compares a sonogram to "robot porn", I was right.

He shows up at the apartment with a friend in tow, asking what things in the apartment are called (seriously, he's probably 23. . .has it been that long since he lived in a house?). Charmingly, the friend says "Damn, I gotta knock me up a cougar." And there it is. Cougar reference #1 for the series.

Billie assures her friends that she's just helping him out, and the boytoy/cougar thing is ending because she's setting boundaries. . .until he's naked in her bed.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Billie wants to keep Zach at arm's length. . .and he wants to do it all the time.

Pickle solved! She sets her boundaries and kicks him out of bed. phew!

Back at work, she rehashes with Olivia who lets her know she's made lots of bad decisions. Thanks 'Liv!
James approaches her about living together, but doesn't get the concept (this show does not like men so much). Zach shows up with lunch and mentions the baby. James loses it! Zach and James have a multi-generational fight and James accuses Billie of using a pregnancy as a desperate cry for help. Throw around some Facebook references to remind us that this show takes place in 2009, and fight is over.

Billie returns home to Zach's lovely friends. They've made themselves at home. . .except for using the shower. . .they clearly haven't done that. She goes to put away groceries and the fridge door broke off. She goes nuts and yells at Zach and they both agree that he needs to go pack up his stuff. She storms to get there first and finds that he turned his room into a nursery. . .awwww. They make up. . .without a lot of chemistry. . .and she lets the friends stay to hang out.

She's laying in bed talking to him through the wall, he's sleeping on the floor, comments on how romantic it is and she informs him that she's not sleeping with him. Oh Zach. . .always trying. We conclude with talk of breakfast and an "I love you" that was more related to the food than the man.

Reaction:
Cute show - and a rather modern concept. I'm not sure where there is to go beyond her getting annoyed with how he lives, dealing with the fact they're in different places in their lives, dealing with James' lingering feelings, and of course, dealing with the baby. Not bad though!


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Dancing with the Stars
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, Gary Unmarried got renewed on this network. . .so probably

Hey look! It's ______Dharma____ from ____that show I never watched!___

I'm so quirky!

2009 Emmy Predictions

Just under the wire! Getting in who I think will win. Agree? Disagree? Comment below and sound off!

Best Series, Drama: Mad Men
Why: This show has been picking up momentum since it first aired. I don't watch it (but have Season 1 on my Netflix. . .calm down!), but everything I've heard about it is amazing, and this last season was full of game-changers and drama (I think). I'd like to see Lost win. . .but I don't think that will happen this year


ugh! we're so mad!!

Best Series, Comedy: 30 Rock
Why: This show is so well-respected, A-listers are waiting in line to guest star. This season also saw the secondary characters getting used more. . .unless the Emmy voters got as sick of Jane Krakowski's character singing in every episode as I did (although the Jenna Jopler plotline was hilarious!)


case in point

Best Actor, Drama: Jon Hamm
Why: Don't remember if he won last year, but from what I've heard, his Don Draper is amazing. I haven only seen one of the other shows on the list, so this isn't the most informed decision. . .


"Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh-oh-oh?"

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin
Why: This season, we saw more layers to Jack Doneghy, played with exuberance yet not getting melodramatic - the comedy always strongly in tact. I think it'll go to him. . . and hopefully he'll thank the writers.


"Never follow a hippie to a second location"

Best Actress, Drama: Elisabeth Moss
Why: Are we seeing a trend here? Most of the other actresses in this category have already won, and given that she's a fairly fresh face, a good actress, and on an immensely popular show, I think she'll win.


Not a mad man.

Best Actress, Comedy: Tina Fey
Why: She's a Chicago comedy alum, I can't not root for her. She's also a genius. . .and she's won before, so hopefully she'll take home another one!


"I want to go to there."

Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Michael Emerson!!!!!
Why: He's deserved this award for years. He manages to play a character who is simultaneously creepy, sympathetic, and always up to something. . .yet nobody knows what. The subtelty with which he's able to convey all of his character's many layers and consistently deliver a convincing performance has more than earned him this award.

he even looks creepy!

Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Chandra Wilson
Why: Again, haven't seen many of the performances in this category, but I love love LOVE Chandra Wilson and the acting chops that she brings to the show. Sandra Oh also had some great material on Grey's this season, but I have to root for my girl Chandra. On a show that has recently often alternated between goofy and melodramatic, Chandra is always able to show her character's reality without overacting the role.


there's a heart of gold inside all that sassy

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy: Neil Patrick Harris
Why: Well, they thought so much of him, they asked him to host the show. Such a hard choice between all of these actors, but even though I'm not a regular watcher of HIMYM, whenever I've seen in, he's always impressive. . .sleazy, yet you can see why this group would remain his friend. I hope Tracy Morgan gets one soon though :)


"I totally pwned the Tonys!"

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jane Krakowski
Why: Ok, as much as the constant singing was cloying, I did enjoy her plotline this season, and her ability to sell it. Kristin Chenoweth may get the "Your show was canceled too soon" vote, however.

look! no singing!

Best Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
Why: It's the only show that has ever won this category. . .and for good reason. If you can pull off a fast-paced race around the world, you can pull off any reality show.


Cast me!

Best Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program: Jeff Probst
Why: Unlike the competition, Jeff Probst has the added responsibility of interviewing the contestants to get to the core of what's going on and asking the questions we're all thinking. He contributes to the intrigue of the show, which is something I can't really say about the roles of the other hosts in the category. And the dude has to live in less-than-ideal conditions while he's working.

will extinguish your torch.

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: The Colbert Report
Why: Still the funniest show on tv. . .

Good chance. . .no aging musicians are nominated this year

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series: Ernest Borgnine
Why: He appeared on the finale of populr, long-running series. His character was so full of heart. . .he'd be hard to overlook.

almost makes you forget that "pulling the pork" comment. ewww.

Best Guest Acrtress in a Drama Series: Ellen Burstyn
Why: She was Stabler's mother who ended up having the same psychological disorder as her granddaughter. She brought out a different side of Elliot, and a strong performance.

categories that test my memory. . .

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Justin Timberlake
Why: Whenever he's on SNL, he's hilarious. Honestly, I don't remember exactly what he did this year, but he rarely misses. Beau Bridges was in a very sweet ep of DH, but funny? Not really.


make-your-own Kanye joke here.

Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Tina Fey
Why: Her Sarah Palin was not only spot-on, but was the funniest thing on the show this year.

gonna get all mavericky


Have fun!! Feel free to comment with your own predictions. . .or reactions

FALL TV REVIEW: Community

Name of Show: Community
Network: NBC
Day: Thursday
Time: 9:30pm EST/8:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting:
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Abed - high-strung guy who talks really really fast
Jeff Winger (joel mchale!) - sleazy guy, former lawyer
Britta - 28, hot girl from spanish
Ian Duncan - British Dean. may have been on The Daily Show. . looks familiar
Pierce Walthorn - Toastmaster, makes award-winning moist towelettes
Shirley - needs a babysitter
Annie - young, high-strung girl, known as "Annie Aderol" in high school
Troy - the "wonderboy", quarterback and prom king

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Jeff, who has finally been caught in his lies, is forced to attend community college. . .and find a community of his own.

Pilot plot:
The DVR cut off the first minute of the show, but from what I can tell, some guy is speaking to new class about people who attend community college. . .describing the misfits who they'll be surrounded with. The one class I took at one was just full of people who didn't want to take bio at their school.

Jeff, the slick guy (Joel McHale!!) and Abed, a fast talking young guy (almost too fast. . .) are talking about the girl from Jeff's Spanish class. Abed knows a scary amount of information about her, and Jeff takes in as much as possible. All you need to know? She's scared for the upcoming Spanish class. I thought this was Day 1. . .it sure moves fast for community college.

Jeff visits his old friend, Dr. Ian Duncan (the Dean!) and asks for help on all his upcoming tests. He's only in community college because he had faked a law degree and now needs a real degree. We basically learn that Jeff and the truth have a mostly off-again relationship.

It's lunchtime! In the cafeteria, we see Britta frantically studying for Spanish. I didn't know that community colleges have high school cafeterias. . .but apparently this one does. See? I'm already participating in the spirit of lifelong learning. Jeff tries to hit on her and she'll have none of it, so he makes up a Spanish study group piecing together all the spanish words he knows. She actually knows even less, so she's impressed enough to attend. Throw in a Touched by an Angel and "Seinfield" "Actually, it's Seinfeld" reference, and we have ourselves a scene!

Britta actually shows up to the study group and Jeff learns that she dropped out of high school to impress Radiohead and that she values honesty so much that she won't speak to someone who's dishonest with her. He decides to bail now given his aforementioned relationship with the truth. She admires that he's honest about his dishonesty and all of a sudden he's in. . .until Abed arrives. He tries to get him to leave by sending texts, but Abed is clueless and reads them out loud to Britta. Not really giving community college students the best name. . .

Duncan, meanwhile sends a text with all the wrong acronyms, which Jeff decodes to mean that he should go outside. He gets Duncan to give him the test answers. . . .I still don't know how. Impressive.

He returns to the study group and there are people there thanks to clueless Abed. He's kinda screwed, so he runs out. . .right into Britta! He asks her out. . .I still don't know how. . .and she agrees. . .right after they do some studying.

They have their Breakfast Club moment of learning about each other and then quote some 80s movies. . .and it devolves into fighting. Jeff gets a call to meet Duncan in the parking lot and gets the test answers. Duncan wants Jeff's car in return. . .and Jeff gets to drive the smart car. "gets to" is actually a strong statement for how Jeff feels about it.

Britta is pissed about how the study group is going. Jeff tries to get her to see that they're untutorable and she should go to dinner with him, but instead she sees through his whole ploy to get into los pantalones. Yet. . .she agrees to dinner.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Jeff's study group is a sham and Britta thinks he's a shallow jerk.

Jeff takes control of the study group and gives them a lecture about how people can find the good in people except themselves. Asks them to forgive each other and then empowers them to become a community.

Britta still won't go to dinner with him, so he offers everyone the test answers, which no one takes him up on. He gets fed up, leaves, opens the packet and then sees that it's a bunch of blank papers. He busts into Duncan's office who admits that he's trying to teach him a lesson. . .oh, and and Duncan is going keep the car. . .to continue the lesson. Booyah.

He sits outside to mope and is slowly joined by each member of the study group who each receive a good piece of advice from him and invite him back to study with them. awww.

Reaction:
It's been a long day, and I'm a bit tired, but this is a fast-paced show. The dialogue moves, and there were some words I couldn't understand, let alone process. So. . .hopefully the speech slows down a little bit. Jeff isn't really all that likeable, yet you like him. Deep down, there's some redeemable value, and I'm sure it'll be a fun season trying to see it. It didn't make me laugh out loud (I'm a tough audience), but it was definitely different and enjoyable.


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Grey's Anatomy and Project Runway
Added to schedule?: Yes. . .because I can record the later airing of PR
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: yep!

FALL TV REVIEW: The Beautiful Life: TBL

Name of Show: The Beautiful Life: TBL
Network: CW
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: NYC
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Sonia Stone - mischa! popping smarties, coming back from a hiatus of modeling
Cole - Snarky gay guy who calls 'em as he sees 'em
Marissa - British model. . .self-sure borderline bitchy
Raina - newby blonde
Chris Andrews - from Iowa, waitress advocate
Claudia - Agent. . .maybe Elle MacPherson?
Simon - Agent guy. . .likes his boy toys
Isaac - kid face of Polo 10 years ago
Libby Andrews - Chris' precocious little sister
Alex - Raina's brother
Vivienne - some kinda big shot producer
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise: Models living in NYC. . .just trying to stay relevant, really.

Pilot plot:
We open at a Zac Posen show at Fashion Week in NYC. I wonder if their tent is near the Project Runway tent. . .some bitchy British model tells the newbie blonde that there are lots of celebrities out there. . .don't be nervous! (but she totally wants her to eat it on the runway. bitch!) New girl rocks it. Zac Posen appears as himself. Emmy! Some chick mentions that there's a problem and they need Sonia. uh. . .ok.

Cut to Sonia (Mischa Barton!) in a cab talking about the weather (yawn. . .) and barely making it. Apparently she's returning to modeling after a six month hiatus. Remember when Marissa and Summer walked in a fashion show in The OC? That's all I'm thinking about at this moment. . .and how Mischa kinda doesn't look like that anymore. . .

Back to backstage at the Zac Posen show and we see snippets of everybody gossiping about everyone else. What I don't see is the frantic mess that ANTM makes runways shows look like. These people are calm and sipping cocktails.

Some DJ is on the radio talking about how it's Fashion Week and careers will be made here. Also, no reservations for 10 blocks from Bryant Park. We then see a farmer dad (he mentioned taking two harvests to pay for vacation. Stereotype alert! Most farmers actually are pretty well off. . .) buying lunch at a restaurant by bryant park. Apparently he had an "in" at the diner. . .or one can assume. His son admonishes him for not leaving enough of a tip, so he sneaks back in to slip her some more money and then yells at some guy who is yelling for the waitress. Well, turns out that guy is a modeling agent who tells him he's interested. . .in him as a model. . .and maybe piece of ass. I smell a Johnny Bravo situation, y'all!

Back at the calm Zac Posen show, Sonia has shown up and doesn't fit in the key Zac Posen dress (ok. . .answers my Mischa Barton post-OC size question), but guess who does? Raina (the new girl). Ohhhhh Sonia is soooo pissed. Raina owns the runway and twirls in confetti or something. Pretty!

Guess where they are? NYC! And it's all fashiony!

Marissa and Raina are waiting in the agent's lobby. The other models stare angrily in their direction. Good Advice Marissa tells Raina, "Get used to every model hating you, you're in your moment." Um. . .thanks Mariss. Raina heads upstairs and bumps into Chris (literally! papers everywhere!) at the agency. love connection! Side note: Sonia now rolls her eyes every time she sees Raina.
Turns out at the agency, they're trying to cast someone in the new versace dress. The number one pick is Marissa. . .but something tells me it won't stay that way for long.
(seriously, no pressure)Chris and Raina are looking at the window, which is an opportune time for Chris to compare his town to the size of the people walking on the sidewalk.She then fixes his clothes for the go-see (a term you would know if you watched ANTM, airing before TBL). Simon (the agent) comes to get Raina and Chris. He tells Raina to act confident b/c she's the next big thing. He takes Chris to Claudia (the big shot agent) who asks for some shots. Simon doesn't feel the need to tell her he found Chris in a restaurant, instead he lets him stand there feeling like an ass. Isn't fashion great? His only advice is for him to take his shirt and pants off. Chris, a little stunned, does it. Claudia is so not impressed. ouch.

Outside of the office, Simon gives Chris a photographer's address to go to so he can have a portfolio. . .or whatever it's called in modeling. Raina escorts
Chris to the photographer, who asks him what music he likes and plays Sweet Home Alabama. ugh. I like the song, but Iowa is not Alabama. I can tell you that Iowans have access to non-country music thanks to the magic of iTunes.

Chris treats the photoshoot like he's getting his senior pic taken. The photographer has on his "I hate the midwest" exasperated face, when Raina steps in just in time and puts on some sexytime music. She whispers to him about the shower to get him to take a good pic, and he then just looks relaxed. . .which apparently is what they're looking for? Hey, if Tyra has taught me anything it's 1) Smile with your eyes and 2) Modeling is haaaaard! oh and 3) When in doubt, talk about Tyra. We'll see how this Iowan whippersnapper does!

Ooh! Another photoshoot! A model's life is so busy! This time they're bloody chess pieces. Lady models are yelling at guy models for copping feels. Oh modeling. . .

Isaac who was the "kid face of Polo" 10 years ago is trying to get whatever work he can. Unfortunately for him, that doesn't include sleeping with some British producer lady (seriously, does someone on this show have a vendetta against people from the UK?), so she tells him she'll let his agent know she doesn't have any work for him. Ouch. Come to think of it though, she probably doesn't have many opportunities to hit on models. . .who sleep with women.
Raina takes Chris back to the model house (wait, those exist? I thought it was just a reality show thing to have all the drama in one place) and the Andrews family comes to pick up Chris. . .or so they think. Turns out Chris is staying to fill the awkward male model niche and Dad is not happy (as expected). Mom slips him some money and little Libby says something no 10 year old from Iowa would be savvy enough to know (I actually think a 10 year old from NYC wouldn't know either. . .) and they're off to the airport!

Chris goes around the guy floor trying to find a roommate, and instead he finds a druggie and a guy who likes his single room (Cole). Cole does not seem surprised that Simon sent Chris and refers to him as one of "Simon's boys". You can literally see the red flags going off inside Chris' head. He calls Simon to straighten things out, and instead gets an invite to stay on the guest bed. He reluctantly agrees (seriously? doesn't the model house have a couch he can crash on?)

Raina returns to her room and her brother, Alex, is sitting on the bed. He's come to get her because Dad is getting out of jail soon and won't be happy his daughter is tarting it up for the cameras. Raina, on the precipice of worldwide fortune and fame, as it's been well established thus far, informs him that she's staying. Alex is unhappy and tells some sob story about Mom still setting a table for her. She doesn't care. And she is kinda scared about Dad getting out of the slammer.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Chris figured out Simon wants his bootay, and he's nonetoohappy to have Simon's house as his only option for a bed to crash. Raina's family wants her home because dad is getting out of jail and will be pissed she's modeling.

It's time for the Covet Modeling Agency (heh.) anniversary party! It's super glam. . Chris shows up all fancy and Johnny Cashy, dressed in black. Claudia shipped a dress to Raina for her to wear, and while Raina and Marissa chat, Claudia grabs Marissa's drink and tells her know she can't drink when she's working. boo hoo. She also tells her she has the Versace shoot. ooh oob!

Uh oh! Sonia shows up in the Versace dress in an attempt to steal the job. Franco is impressed and invites her to "reminsce". I hope they're going somewhere with a photo album!

In the boy corner of the party, we learn that Isaac got an eviction notice from the agency. Apparently he hasn't booked anything in a while. . .yeah, we learned that earlier. But that still sucks.

Claudia is chatting up Brendan Carr, creative director at GQ. Apparently we need to know this info. Hmm. . .perhaps Chris will book a job with them? Just maybe?

Cole tells Chris he's on a date, which doesn't go over well. This bites him in the ass when he's talking to the GQ guy (I knew it!) and Simon his all handsy, which he objects to in front of Brendan (never a good move). Chris throws a drink at Simon, who gets mad and takes some pig farmer pot shots, then Chris throws a punch! That's how we do things in the midwest! (ok, not really). As he's being escorted out by security, GQ hires him.

Sonia has left the sentimental rendezvous with Franco in disgust, and Raina follows her into the bathroom to make sure she's ok. Sonia lets us know that Franco is a lifelong dirtbag. Hey, at least he's consistent! Due to the not-so-subtle baby wallpaper on Sonia's phone, we learn the hiatus was due to motherhood. Sonia scares Raina into thinking that she'll turn into her. Raina promptly goes to Franco to try to get the Versace job. . .with her chach.

Franco hits on Raina(of course!) and she videotapes it on her iPhone (product placement!). She informs him that she's 16 (really?) and that she'll show it to her dad. Which means nothing, because Franco doesn't know he's a criminal!

Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to get music played. The DJ and him throw around the word "spin" at lot (so much jargon on this show!). He's told to "try a wedding". He then decides whoring himself out is the best option and promptly goes to kiss Vivienne (seems to be a trend on these new fall shows. . .)

Marissa makes out with the drug dealer guy and tells him to take her home before she sobers up. Drug dealer guy gets arrested the minute he steps outside the party. Apparently some chick who approached him wasn't a model. Should open a bed for Chris!

Sonia returns home to stare at pictures of her from her heyday, which she throws some flowers (from "R") at. So much anger!

Chris crashing on a windowseat in the model house (why don't they have a couch?), which he doesn't mind, since he's going home tomorrow. He has a heart-to-heart with Raina about whether or not he or anyone are cut out for this business. Ugh! Why does Simon keep calling? (he's trying to let you know about your GQ booking!). Raina lets Chris sleep on her floor. awww.

Reaction:
This show, I think, is trying to make me appreciate what models go through. . .and it does not succeed. It's fun to see into that world, but the characters have so much going on that I spend most of the show worrying about them. And I keep feeling like there are appearances by people I should know. . .if only I knew fashiony people.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Glee and Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: probably not

Hey! It's _Marissa_______ from __The O.C._______ !

what do you mean I died in a car crash?

FALL TV REVIEW: The Vampire Diaries

Name of Show: The Vampire Diaries
Network: CW
Day: Thursday
Time: 8pm EST/7pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Mystic Falls
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Darrin Malloy: 90s hair, died
Brooke Fenton: Blonde, died (and also dyed. . .?)
Aunt Jenna: Thought she was in high school when I first saw her, she's actually writing thesis, so close enough.
Elena Gilbert: Girl whose parents died.
Bonnie: Psychic girl, flighty
Matt: Sulking jock guy, used to date Elena, Vicki's brother
Caroline: Blonde, fake concern for Elena, sorta like Patty Simcox in Grease
Vicki: Takes drugs, bad girl, Matt's sister
Jeremy: Elena's brother, deals drugs to/sleeps with Vicki
Stefan Salvatore: Hot new guy. . .a tad bit creepy. Vants to suck your blood
Tyler: Vicki's bf. douchebag with funny insults
Zach: Related to Stefan/Damon somehow
Damon: Stefan's trouble-making brother

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
X Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Vampires are gonna wreak havok in Mystic Falls, while nice girl Elena is just trying to move on from her parents' death.

Pilot plot:

We start in a foggy wood and I expect the creepy swingset from Are You Afraid of the Dark to be nearby. A voiceover from what I assume to be a vampire about how this is his story. bookay.

We then see a car with a hot blonde and a dude with a weird 90s haircut and they hit some guy all I Know What You Did Last Summer-like. I'm beginning to think this is one of those movies that just mocks a genre (like Scary Movie or Dance Movie), but then remember that it's capitalizing on the whole Twilight thing. . .so we should only see a few more movie ripoffs. Anyway, Darrin (ooh! they actually said his name!) runs to check on their roadkill (who has a spiffy Jostens class ring) and promptly gets bit all vampire style. He then gets flung onto the hood of the car. The chick runs off, but she's as good as dead, really.

In a less foggy setting, we cut to a teenager writing in her diary (what? vampires and diaries in the first 5 minutes. You've given me no reason to keep watching, show!). Apparently her parents died but she doesn't want to be the "sad" girl at school. Yeah, nobody likes when you're a downer about both of your parents being killed. . .that's a fast track to the geek table at lunch. Good move, As-Yet-Unnamed girl.

She moseys downstairs and greets her Aunt Jenna and emo brother. We see behind her photos of the vampire food couple from the first scene. So it's confirmed the chick died too. . .told you so!

First day of school! They, of course, attend a school that is 3 stories, about 3 houses wide and looks like the school from the Simpsons. Like every TV/Movie high school, everyone hangs out front before school starts. WTF? They live in Mystic Falls (where the most popular restaurant is Mystic Pizza, natch). I'm surprised any of them have straight hair, given the amount of fog in that town. Some chick who thinks she's psychic drives Elena to school and almost hits someone. . .purely for our benefit, because we get to learn that both of Elena's parents died in a car crash. Thanks Backstory Scene!

In the hallways of MFHS, we have the usual cast of characters. . .bubbly student council president-type who feigns concern over Elena's misfortune. . .a combo of Patty Simcox from Grease and Amber from The O.C. Jock who used to date Elena and now hides behind his iPod and throws steely stares toward her. The brother is out back dealing drugs to some hard-living chick (who's supposed to be passing for 18? really? I'll bet she was the ring leader with the whole cast flashing people thing.) Best line of the night was her bf calling the brother "Pete Wentz" before he attacked Vicki's face with his tongue.

Meanwhile, some guy is talking the secretary into letting him attend school. He pulls the vampire version of a Jedi mind trick and the girls all fall over each other just to look at him. After all, it's not every day you have some 25 year old attending your high school. Elena misses this slobberfest, however, because she busted into the mens' bathroom to yell at her brother for doing drugs. He denies it, but the Visene doesn't lie. She storms out and runs head-on into the new hot guy. They do the wayyyy too choreographed "You go." "No, you go" "Oops! we're both going the same way!" dance and she heads off to first period.

First day of school and the teacher is already yammering on about colonial Virginia. So boring! Good thing they can text each other! New hot guy is totes staring at Elena. eeee!!!

Elena, like you do in high school, walks home through the cemetery. She plops down by her parents' graves and starts writing in her diary. A crow shows up and she schmacts (e.g. badly acts) her way through being annoyed with the bird. Suddenly a Bar Mitzvah breaks out and there's fog everywhere (but no glow sticks? booooo!!) she runs away, and falls and wouldn't you know that hot (now somewhat creepy) guy from school is there. She shows her wound and he gets a vampire boner (and flashes his Jostens class ring) and tells her to leave. Oh, and apparently his name is Stefan. A name one might have in say. . . .Transylvania. . . .?

We return from commercial and Stefan is writing in his diary (ah, another diary. . .hence it's not named The Vampire Diary) and admits that he lost control today. He also has Elena's diary sitting next to him. Creep. Store.

Cut to all of the kids hanging out at a more rustic version of The Maxx (oh please be named Mystic Pizza. . .please???) and we learn that there are very few people to choose from in this town. Basically, Vicki deflowered Jeremy and is the jock guy's sister who used to date Elena (who is Jeremy's sister). There's some kind of ick factor there. . .

The blonde chick enters with the as-yet-unnamed flighty friend and Backstories Stefan for us. He just moved to town, lives with his uncle. . . .etc. Blonde chick has set a wedding date for Stefan and her. um. . .ok.

Elena is getting spiffied up to go to Mystic Pizza, opens the door and Stefan is there. He hands her her diary and she invites him out. They hang with the girls and he Backstories himself (so why did we need that previous scene?). They let him know about some party and he'll only go if Elena is there (awww. . .no wait. creepy.) We also learn that Stefan's parents are both dead, so Elena is officially smitten.

Back at the set of Count Flloyd's Scary Stories, someone who looks like Bradley Cooper but calls him "Uncle Stefan" holds up the paper claiming an animal attacked our lovely couple from the opening but he knows it was Stefan! He asks Stefan why he's back after all these years, and Stefan feels like he has nowhere to go. He then goes to ogle a portrait of Katherine from 1864. . .who looks a lot like Elena!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Stefan is from 150 years ago! And Boone from Lost was not in ANY of Act 1? WTF?

Act 2 begins in history class. The teacher, who's clearly bitter, calls everyone by their stereotype and expects the worst from them. Yay for another glowing review of our educational system! When Elena doesn't know the answer to his question, he lets her know that the dead parents pity party ended with summer vacation, missy! Teacher of the Year right here. Behind him on a chalkboard is written "Battle of Willow Creek - 1865". Hey! That's one year before that picture of Katherine was taken. Perhaps she died in that battle? Stefan knows about the battle (because he lived through it) and corrects Mr. Tanner's facts. Suck on that a-hole!

Shot of the falls! They're so mystic!

It's time for the party! Here are the key events:

• Psychic friend (Bonnie!) really is psychic
• Vicki is a whore but doesn't want to be, gets attacked by a vampire
  
• Stefan gets hit on by blonde chick (Caroline!) and rejects her
  
• Elena and Jeremy find Vicki
• Jock Guy (Matt!) professes his undying love to Elena
  
• Stefan not-so-subtly backs away when a bloody Vicki is carried into the crowd. And Matt totally notices!
  

Stefan runs home, tells Zach (his nephew. . .uncle. . . I'm confused. . .) that someone else was attacked but he didn't do it. A crow flies in and we see Damon, his brother (yay! Boone!)

Damon does a little Rehashing for us and lets us know that it's been 15 years since they've "done this". He laments 90s fashions and in what's probably the most ironic line of the night says,
"Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads." hahahaha.

A vampire fight ensues over Damon needling Stefan over Katherine and Elena and Damon steals his Jostens ring, which is apparently some big deal.

Time to start wrapping things up!

• Bonnie feels it's just the beginning (duh! it's a pilot!)
• Caroline is pissed that she doesn't get the guy and Elena always does. Bitch is gonna make trouble!
• Vicki in hospital looking damn good, I must say. Matt is by her side.
• Elena writing in diary.
  
• Stefan writing in diary. (The Vampire DiarieS. . .must have more than 1 at all times!)
• Jeremy cries over parents' pic with Aunt Jenna watching
• Caroline hits on Damon
• Damon is totally the one biting people
  

Stefan watching Elena from the yard and they talk about whether or not they're ok. weak!


Reaction:
this. show. is. trying. SO. hard. Admittedly, I have not participated in this Twilight phenomenon, so I don't know how closely this show resembles those books, but I can speak to the fact that it's ripped off almost every teen movie cliche. It's like "Here are things we think young people like. . .put them all in the pilot!" No twitter/facebook references though, so thank goodness for small blessings. I'm assuming it will do while you're waiting for the next Twilight movie to come out. And Boone totally looks weird on this show. . .I can't place it. I'm sure the tweeners/teens will eat it up though, so it probably has about 3 seasons in it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Parks and Recreation and Grey's Anatomy
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes, it's a freaking vampire show.

Hey! It's _Boone_______ from __Lost_______ !


I guess his eyes were freaky back then!