FALL TV REVIEW: The Beautiful Life: TBL

Name of Show: The Beautiful Life: TBL
Network: CW
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: NYC
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Sonia Stone - mischa! popping smarties, coming back from a hiatus of modeling
Cole - Snarky gay guy who calls 'em as he sees 'em
Marissa - British model. . .self-sure borderline bitchy
Raina - newby blonde
Chris Andrews - from Iowa, waitress advocate
Claudia - Agent. . .maybe Elle MacPherson?
Simon - Agent guy. . .likes his boy toys
Isaac - kid face of Polo 10 years ago
Libby Andrews - Chris' precocious little sister
Alex - Raina's brother
Vivienne - some kinda big shot producer
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise: Models living in NYC. . .just trying to stay relevant, really.

Pilot plot:
We open at a Zac Posen show at Fashion Week in NYC. I wonder if their tent is near the Project Runway tent. . .some bitchy British model tells the newbie blonde that there are lots of celebrities out there. . .don't be nervous! (but she totally wants her to eat it on the runway. bitch!) New girl rocks it. Zac Posen appears as himself. Emmy! Some chick mentions that there's a problem and they need Sonia. uh. . .ok.

Cut to Sonia (Mischa Barton!) in a cab talking about the weather (yawn. . .) and barely making it. Apparently she's returning to modeling after a six month hiatus. Remember when Marissa and Summer walked in a fashion show in The OC? That's all I'm thinking about at this moment. . .and how Mischa kinda doesn't look like that anymore. . .

Back to backstage at the Zac Posen show and we see snippets of everybody gossiping about everyone else. What I don't see is the frantic mess that ANTM makes runways shows look like. These people are calm and sipping cocktails.

Some DJ is on the radio talking about how it's Fashion Week and careers will be made here. Also, no reservations for 10 blocks from Bryant Park. We then see a farmer dad (he mentioned taking two harvests to pay for vacation. Stereotype alert! Most farmers actually are pretty well off. . .) buying lunch at a restaurant by bryant park. Apparently he had an "in" at the diner. . .or one can assume. His son admonishes him for not leaving enough of a tip, so he sneaks back in to slip her some more money and then yells at some guy who is yelling for the waitress. Well, turns out that guy is a modeling agent who tells him he's interested. . .in him as a model. . .and maybe piece of ass. I smell a Johnny Bravo situation, y'all!

Back at the calm Zac Posen show, Sonia has shown up and doesn't fit in the key Zac Posen dress (ok. . .answers my Mischa Barton post-OC size question), but guess who does? Raina (the new girl). Ohhhhh Sonia is soooo pissed. Raina owns the runway and twirls in confetti or something. Pretty!

Guess where they are? NYC! And it's all fashiony!

Marissa and Raina are waiting in the agent's lobby. The other models stare angrily in their direction. Good Advice Marissa tells Raina, "Get used to every model hating you, you're in your moment." Um. . .thanks Mariss. Raina heads upstairs and bumps into Chris (literally! papers everywhere!) at the agency. love connection! Side note: Sonia now rolls her eyes every time she sees Raina.
Turns out at the agency, they're trying to cast someone in the new versace dress. The number one pick is Marissa. . .but something tells me it won't stay that way for long.
(seriously, no pressure)Chris and Raina are looking at the window, which is an opportune time for Chris to compare his town to the size of the people walking on the sidewalk.She then fixes his clothes for the go-see (a term you would know if you watched ANTM, airing before TBL). Simon (the agent) comes to get Raina and Chris. He tells Raina to act confident b/c she's the next big thing. He takes Chris to Claudia (the big shot agent) who asks for some shots. Simon doesn't feel the need to tell her he found Chris in a restaurant, instead he lets him stand there feeling like an ass. Isn't fashion great? His only advice is for him to take his shirt and pants off. Chris, a little stunned, does it. Claudia is so not impressed. ouch.

Outside of the office, Simon gives Chris a photographer's address to go to so he can have a portfolio. . .or whatever it's called in modeling. Raina escorts
Chris to the photographer, who asks him what music he likes and plays Sweet Home Alabama. ugh. I like the song, but Iowa is not Alabama. I can tell you that Iowans have access to non-country music thanks to the magic of iTunes.

Chris treats the photoshoot like he's getting his senior pic taken. The photographer has on his "I hate the midwest" exasperated face, when Raina steps in just in time and puts on some sexytime music. She whispers to him about the shower to get him to take a good pic, and he then just looks relaxed. . .which apparently is what they're looking for? Hey, if Tyra has taught me anything it's 1) Smile with your eyes and 2) Modeling is haaaaard! oh and 3) When in doubt, talk about Tyra. We'll see how this Iowan whippersnapper does!

Ooh! Another photoshoot! A model's life is so busy! This time they're bloody chess pieces. Lady models are yelling at guy models for copping feels. Oh modeling. . .

Isaac who was the "kid face of Polo" 10 years ago is trying to get whatever work he can. Unfortunately for him, that doesn't include sleeping with some British producer lady (seriously, does someone on this show have a vendetta against people from the UK?), so she tells him she'll let his agent know she doesn't have any work for him. Ouch. Come to think of it though, she probably doesn't have many opportunities to hit on models. . .who sleep with women.
Raina takes Chris back to the model house (wait, those exist? I thought it was just a reality show thing to have all the drama in one place) and the Andrews family comes to pick up Chris. . .or so they think. Turns out Chris is staying to fill the awkward male model niche and Dad is not happy (as expected). Mom slips him some money and little Libby says something no 10 year old from Iowa would be savvy enough to know (I actually think a 10 year old from NYC wouldn't know either. . .) and they're off to the airport!

Chris goes around the guy floor trying to find a roommate, and instead he finds a druggie and a guy who likes his single room (Cole). Cole does not seem surprised that Simon sent Chris and refers to him as one of "Simon's boys". You can literally see the red flags going off inside Chris' head. He calls Simon to straighten things out, and instead gets an invite to stay on the guest bed. He reluctantly agrees (seriously? doesn't the model house have a couch he can crash on?)

Raina returns to her room and her brother, Alex, is sitting on the bed. He's come to get her because Dad is getting out of jail soon and won't be happy his daughter is tarting it up for the cameras. Raina, on the precipice of worldwide fortune and fame, as it's been well established thus far, informs him that she's staying. Alex is unhappy and tells some sob story about Mom still setting a table for her. She doesn't care. And she is kinda scared about Dad getting out of the slammer.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Chris figured out Simon wants his bootay, and he's nonetoohappy to have Simon's house as his only option for a bed to crash. Raina's family wants her home because dad is getting out of jail and will be pissed she's modeling.

It's time for the Covet Modeling Agency (heh.) anniversary party! It's super glam. . Chris shows up all fancy and Johnny Cashy, dressed in black. Claudia shipped a dress to Raina for her to wear, and while Raina and Marissa chat, Claudia grabs Marissa's drink and tells her know she can't drink when she's working. boo hoo. She also tells her she has the Versace shoot. ooh oob!

Uh oh! Sonia shows up in the Versace dress in an attempt to steal the job. Franco is impressed and invites her to "reminsce". I hope they're going somewhere with a photo album!

In the boy corner of the party, we learn that Isaac got an eviction notice from the agency. Apparently he hasn't booked anything in a while. . .yeah, we learned that earlier. But that still sucks.

Claudia is chatting up Brendan Carr, creative director at GQ. Apparently we need to know this info. Hmm. . .perhaps Chris will book a job with them? Just maybe?

Cole tells Chris he's on a date, which doesn't go over well. This bites him in the ass when he's talking to the GQ guy (I knew it!) and Simon his all handsy, which he objects to in front of Brendan (never a good move). Chris throws a drink at Simon, who gets mad and takes some pig farmer pot shots, then Chris throws a punch! That's how we do things in the midwest! (ok, not really). As he's being escorted out by security, GQ hires him.

Sonia has left the sentimental rendezvous with Franco in disgust, and Raina follows her into the bathroom to make sure she's ok. Sonia lets us know that Franco is a lifelong dirtbag. Hey, at least he's consistent! Due to the not-so-subtle baby wallpaper on Sonia's phone, we learn the hiatus was due to motherhood. Sonia scares Raina into thinking that she'll turn into her. Raina promptly goes to Franco to try to get the Versace job. . .with her chach.

Franco hits on Raina(of course!) and she videotapes it on her iPhone (product placement!). She informs him that she's 16 (really?) and that she'll show it to her dad. Which means nothing, because Franco doesn't know he's a criminal!

Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to get music played. The DJ and him throw around the word "spin" at lot (so much jargon on this show!). He's told to "try a wedding". He then decides whoring himself out is the best option and promptly goes to kiss Vivienne (seems to be a trend on these new fall shows. . .)

Marissa makes out with the drug dealer guy and tells him to take her home before she sobers up. Drug dealer guy gets arrested the minute he steps outside the party. Apparently some chick who approached him wasn't a model. Should open a bed for Chris!

Sonia returns home to stare at pictures of her from her heyday, which she throws some flowers (from "R") at. So much anger!

Chris crashing on a windowseat in the model house (why don't they have a couch?), which he doesn't mind, since he's going home tomorrow. He has a heart-to-heart with Raina about whether or not he or anyone are cut out for this business. Ugh! Why does Simon keep calling? (he's trying to let you know about your GQ booking!). Raina lets Chris sleep on her floor. awww.

Reaction:
This show, I think, is trying to make me appreciate what models go through. . .and it does not succeed. It's fun to see into that world, but the characters have so much going on that I spend most of the show worrying about them. And I keep feeling like there are appearances by people I should know. . .if only I knew fashiony people.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Glee and Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: probably not

Hey! It's _Marissa_______ from __The O.C._______ !

what do you mean I died in a car crash?