FALL TV REVIEW: The Good Wife

Name of Show: The Good Wife
Network: CBS
Day: Tuesday
Time: 10pm EST/9pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!

Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alicia Florrick - wife of politician
Will - head guy at law firm
Diane (Christine Baranski!) - head lady at law firm
Peter Florrick (Chris Noth) - politician
Kalinda Sharmo - in-house investigator at law firm, fired in previous job by Peter, 25 years old
Matton - met Alicia at department office party
Judge Richard Cuesta - honorable, residing
Jackie - mother-in-law. likes telling granddaughter she's fast
Cary Agos - douchebag associate

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! argh!

Basic premise: State's attorney got caught with hookers and the wife has to rebuild her wife. . .by becoming a lawyer.

Pilot plot:
Starts with the scene that has been in all the commercials - Chris Noth as a politician apologizing for his affair. His wife stands teary-eyed by his side and backstage, slaps him on the face. haha. He refuses to give interviews to the Tribune and Channel 2. . .which is funny because this show airs on channel 2. hmmm.

Then, we fast foward 6 months and see his wife, Alicia, starting her first day of work at a law firm. It turns out she's in the wrong conference room and sprints up the spiral stairs (oooh dizzy), only to be assigned to head up pro bono work. ouch.

Christine Baranski, as Diane, fills her in on the case she'll be picking up, some chick named Jennifer Lewis who was tried for killing her ex-husband and making it look like a car jacking. Last trial had a hung jury, so Alicia needs to make sure that doesn't happen again. Oh, and she has to go to court starting this afternoon. Today is the day! Diane also kindly brings up that Alicia brings with her prominent baggage, then gestures toward a picture with her standing next to Hillary Clinton and says "If she can do it, you can." Um. . .thanks?

Alicia walks into some guy's office and he's watching a You Tube video of Peter's apology speech. klassy. Some douchebag associate condescends his way through a conversation with her, while ogling assistants' asses and making chauvinistic comments. Let's hope that guy gets what's coming to him at some point this season.

Alicia goes to her office and waiting for her is an investigator named Kalinda, whose purpose seems to be to bring up how she was fired by Peter and that she's 25 (me: "yeah, plus 10.").

While heading into court, Alicia's daughter calls and nonchalantly asks if the hookers dad was sleeping with were teenagers because she heard something at school but didn't know if it was true or not. cute.

First day in court! Judge doesn't like Alicia's husband, Jennifer isn't happy that she has new representation, but the judge lets her out of jail as long as she wears an ankle bracelet. I hear they're all the rage.

Alicia and Kalinda meet with Jennifer to have her recount the story and Kalinda eyes all the physical signs. Alicia tries to get the nice-assed assistant to bring in some water, but she's too busy helping Cary (the douchebag associate). Alicia shoots a look that says "Thanks a lot, skank."
Jennifer and Alicia talk about moving forward, and Alicia tells her to put on nice makeup and clothes and read a book. . .fiction if possible. hmm. interesting advice. Kalinda warns her that she'll burnout fast if she relates to all the clients. Thanks, girl with 3 years experience.

Alicia heads out ot interview the jurors from the original trial, and things don't look so good. Basically, she learns that the vote was 11-1 (why are there even numbers on juries?) and there was one lone holdout. The rest wanted it to be over, so they changed their votes so that the jury would be hung and they could go. She visits Juror #9 who is a crazy cat lady (although those cats were cute!) and she says that she held out because she liked Diane and "just had a gut feeling." Not exactly helpful when trying to get a new jury to go your way.

She bumps into Will, and asks about some douchebag comment Cary made about the "best man" winning. Apparently people weren't supposed to know, but there's only one associate position open, so they decided to hire 2 people for six months and then give the job to the best person. BUT, he's glad the pro bono case is going well. um. . .shit.

Alicia visits Peter in jail, and they talk about paperwork stuff. He tells her that he remembers the Jennifer Lewis case and that there's a rumor that some evidence or testimony is buried. He also says he's innocent of abuse of office charges (hmm. . .abuse of office charges. . .Chicago. . .so familiar!)

Alicia and Kalinda visit the warehouse area and Alicia notices there should be another page to the crime lab report. They also figure out that even though the warehouse tapes don't support the crime, maybe they were mislabeled. Since boobs are better than subpoenas (her words, not mine), Kalinda works her "magic" with the warehouse guy. Alicia decides to suck up to the office assistant whom he berates. We don't know yet which tactic got them further, but I'm rooting for boobs! Yay boobs!

Back at home, mom-in-law Jackie tells Alicia to forgive Peter because he's hurting. She tells her to eat shit and die (not really, but in different words).

Back in court, the second wife testifies and Alicia can't say anything without being objected to. She does manage to bring up the possible hiding of evidence, and in chambers (thanks Law and Order for helping with my lingo!), the prosecution accuses her of being fed evidence from Peter (true, but harsh!). The judge demands that they find the missing evidene, but warns Alicia that IF she did get her info from Peter, she's walking a very fine ethical line.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Can she win this case? Will the judge find out the truth that she was fed info from Peter?

Alicia is in Diane's office getting reprimanded by her and will for changing strategies and not updating management. They decide that because she was married to a state's attorney and lived in Highland Park (oooh, appropriate Chicagoland reference!), that she doesn't think she's a junior associate. They decide to move Cary to first chair.

Kalinda talked to/agreed to drinks with some guy at the police and she found out the missing evidence is some dog hair that doesn't match. Alicia takes home the warehouse video and some plastic bag flying around. . .which apparently is proof?

Back in court, she shows warehouse videos from the day before, day of, and day after the murder. The plastic bag flies around at the same time in all the tapes. Security guard guy admits to being lazy and just duplicating the tapes for the days he doesn't do the rounds Another profession disparaged in a fall pilot. Sorry security guards!

Alicia is chatting with Will in her office about the case, apparently they were old law school friends. Alicia thinks Wife 2 may not have been happy with the ex-husband having dinner with Jennifer. . .possible suspect?

New state's attorney tells Alicia that Peter is using her. She tells him he's a scumbag for releasing the sex tape to the press. . .but more nicely.

Back in court, Alicia links Wife 2 to dog racing lotion chemicals found at the scene as well as greyhound dog hairs and her brother who works at the racetrack. Objections were made, but the damage is done!

At bar, Kalinda asks her her why she stood by Peter. Basically, she was blindsided. . .and that's all the reason she gives. Erm. . .ok. Phone rings and jury's in!

Alicia and the DA gather in chambers. The judge informs them that the cops are pursuing a case against Wife 1 and the brother and the state's attorney has decided to drop this case. Yay! Victory!

Will brings by wine and tells her she's 2nd chair in a civil case. I guess that's good? She then listens to a message from Peter as a slideshow of family pics plays on her computer monitor. His lawyers think they can overturn his case. She seems notsohappy about this news.

Until next week!

Reaction: When I first saw commercials for this show I thought "Awesome! That's such a good idea!" mainly because politicians keep cheating on their wives and the story seems to be more about the wife's reaction. I am a little surprised that the story is about the wife moving forward and less about the scandal. . .and I'm a little disappointed that it's basically a law/crime show with the B plot about the politican's affair. I do like that this episode was less backstory and more actual story. . .but does this network need another crime show?


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes

Hey look! It's _Christine Baranski_________ from __Cybill_____

Don't f-with me!

1st Fall Casualty

We have our first cancellation of the season! R.I.P. The Beautiful Life. It didn't make it to episode 3.

FALL TV REVIEW: the forgotten

Name of Show: the forgotten
Network: ABC
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alex (Christian Slater) - fighter guy, ex-cop. kinda talks like Jack Nicholson
Det. Russell - cop chick
Highway Jane - dead, 5'7", 18-22, 110 lbs.
Tyler Davies- sentenced to community service, artist, sarcastic, dropped out of med school
Lindsay Drake - runs the forgotten network. . .or hosts them
Candace - works somewhere with cubes
Jessica - goth chick witness, lives on Kedzie
"Sister Mary Margaret" - other goth chick witness
Clay - ex-boyfriend
Quint - scary bouncer guy
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
X Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! I'm shocked!

Basic premise:
People try to find out the identities of unidentified bodies

Pilot plot:
Show opens with title cards. Reading? booooo. We learn that there are over 40,000 unidentified bodies a year. Yeah, I know. I've seen the commercials.

A dead chick does a voiceover (from Heaven presumably?) lamenting that she's dead and doesn't have a name.

Cue the montage of people being called about the next project, all secret society style.
Alex is boxing
Some woman (Lindsay?) is teaching at school
Candace is so over a work party
Walter is fixing some phone lines

They all gather at a pretty nice house and Tyler arrives fresh from a community service sentence. We learn that it's the Midwest Headquarters for the Forgotten Network (or maybe the forgotten network, given their penchant for e.e. cummings-style capitalization). Since he's new, it gives them an excuse to explain the backstory of the organization. Basically, they try to figure out the identities of unidentified bodies. Yeah. . .got that from the title cards, thanks. Oh, and they have 5 days to figure out who she is - and no playing Whodunit? (by Milton Bradley), just give the chick a name, y'all!

Meanwhile, Tyler tries to sneak out. Alex gets him to stay by bragging about how great they are. . .and being within make out distance of his face. Since Tyler was assigned the job of sculpting the dead girl's (Highway Jane) face, he thinks it's weird, but relents.

Cut to a sculpting montage. . .he has a bust laying around (is that normal?) and starts making it look like Yoda (or so it appears), then puts it in some kind of mold, pops it out, puts in eyeballs (ewww!!) and voila! Dead girl resurrected! And I'm with Tyler on this one. . .it is kinda weird.

Alex and Walter go to the site where the body was discovered, and Walter asks why they're there. Alex: "Why, I'm glad you asked, Walter! This will be me an opportunity to lay some sweet backstory on you." ok, he didn't really say that, but basically we get the "A life ended here, we owe it to her to find out who she is." Yeah, ok, we get it, you're like super important.

Walter goes to nearby gas station to charm the attendant into letting him post flyers and maybe giving him some info. I'm beginning to think that Walter is a little bit of the black sheep of the Forgotten Network. As he exits the truck, we see a pic of what I think is him with Dennis Franz. awww.

Attendant will not let him post flyers and won't answer questions, he's a charmer! Walter takes pics of him (but he's behind glass - won't it be all flash?) and leaves. Attendant seems unphased by the whole situation. Day in the life, I guess.

Meanwhile, Candace ids store where Highway Jane probably bought nail polish. . .it's all Gothy, after all. Voiceover from Highway Jane to let us know they're on the right track. Kinda like the henchman vignettes from Carmen Sandiego, when you chose the correct city. . .but less entertaining. Maybe they'll increase in violence as they get closer to figuring out who she is.

We also learn that she bought her blouse on Ashland! Alex: "Ashland is West Loop, right?" uh. . .and a lot of other neighborhoods. Aren't you people supposed to be from Chicago? Nobody from
Chicago would ever say that. Walter tacks up his prize of a photo of the gas attendant - and it does have a flash spot! but you can still see his face.

Tyler and Candace go to a goth bar to hand out flyers of their pic of the sculpture. They're asked if they're cops and then are asked to leave. A couple girls claim they know Highway Jane and that her name is Vivian. They call Alex to come, but the bouncer eyes them angrily (that guy is everywhere!)

Alex arrives and we find out that the bouncer's name is Quint and that he used to date Vivian. They got into a huge fight at a Sharpener show according to the Goth girls. We learn Vivian was a CTA rider, so they promptly go to look at CTA security camera footage. Apparently she rode the blue line.

Montage of flyer handing out and interviews with people. (lots of exterior shots of Chicago and me trying to figure out where they are. they went pretty far, since there was a Pace bus stop by one of the locations). Checking off blue highlighted buildings on a satellite google map. Figured out she's a waitress. Last name! Simmons! Montage successful!

They figure out where she lived, and visit her apt the popo take over (and some sexual tension between Det. Russell and Alex. . .?). The gang meet Clay who used to date her. They eye him and take camera phone pics. He suggests talking to Quint who used to date her. Him again!!

They figure out her parents' address in Evanston and go to break the bad news, but his Vivian Simmons is very much alive and very much in the house!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Wrong Vivian Simmons! We're back at square one. Why did we think they could figure out the whole identity in the first act?

Time to Rehash what we know (and what they learned during the commercial break):
The real Vivian Simmons lost her purse at the Art Institute and Highway Jane stole her identity. The wall now features Quint's headshot - they ARE resourceful!

Alex and Det. Russell go to the med school to get Clay's info and they amazingly divulge a lot. Basically, they we learn he was kicked out of med school. They run into a student outside who informs them that he stole drugs from the lab and dealt them, and that's why he's not-so-Hippocratic.

Elsewhere in Chicago, Quint is walking menacingly down the street with his fo'ty in a brown paper bag. Walter follows him - Quint spies him, gets mad and punches him. . .then threatens to kill Walter. Noooo! No hurting Walter! He's gonna lose his job soon anyway, since nobody has landlines anymore.

Det. Russell and Alex go to pay a visit to Clay and Clay runs. . .Alex chases him down and impersonates a police officer. . .I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that. Clay claims Highway Jane was never involved in the drugs.

Everybody is Rehashing what they know when Tyler figures out that Highway Jane's tattoo is a pitchfork. They then think that her high school mascot was a devil (kind of a jump, eh?) and find the blue devils in Dubuque, Iowa. Btw, DePaul's mascot is the Blue Demon. Close, and only in Lincoln Park!

Name! Tracy Benedict. Old principal remembers her. Alex tells the mom and the sister. . .or doesn't. . .she kinda figures it out. Mom Backstories and lets us know that the dad died a year and a half ago from cancer and that Tracy and he were close. She was getting the tattoo when Mom pulled her out to let her know the dad died. As they leave, the younger sister gives them a log of whenever somebody would call the house and hangup. Probably will come in handy!

Alex stops some woman who Tracy was seen fighting with in Chicago - turns out she's the drama teacher from the high school. Was in Chicago and just ran into Tracy and told her to come home. Obvi Tracy listened.

Back to the call log - the last number matches some numbers on a bag they found at the scene. They call it and it's Jessica! One of the Goth chicks. Aww man, somebody is getting a visit from the Forgotten Network (I thought this wasn't a whodunit?)

Jessica slips up and lets them know that she does know that her name is Tracy. The VO informs us that Jessica was her good friend and showed her the ropes. She wanted to go home and bought a ticket. She told Jessica the truth, who then totally freaked out. Tracy went to get stuff out the back of the car and Tracy hit her in the head with a crowbar.

Uh. . .so why would Jessica admit that she knew her? Why wouldn't she just be like "nope. sorry?" And why no fake nun name like her friend. Jessica, you're not so smart.

The gang attend the funeral and we learn that Alex's daughter was 8 years old and kidnapped two years ago, so that's why he does this. Oooh! Story arc!

Reaction:
Interesting premise, but a little too much reviewing the facts for me. I just hope future episodes don't harp so much on why they do what they do and why it's so important. We get it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, ABC doesn't really have a crime procedural, so probably!

Hey look! It's ___Christian Slater_______ from __why can't I think of anything else he's been in?_____

what else have I been in? help her out!

FALL TV REVIEW: Accidentally On Purpose

Name of Show: Accidentally On Purpose
Network: CBS
Day: Monday
Time: 8:30pm EST/7:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: San Francisco (yet, the signs for commercial real estate in the establishing shot have NYC area codes. . .hmmmmm. . .)
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Olivia - Blonde scottish chick
James - (Grant Show) Jenna's boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?), big-wig at the paper
Billie -(Jenna Elfman) - film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph
Abby - Jenna Elfman's sister, flighty, married, red head
Zack - wants to open his own restaurant, baby daddy

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
X Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Billie gets pregnant with a guy she met at a bar. . .and now gets to deal with the consequences!

Pilot plot:

Billie works as a film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph and had just broken up with some big wig there, when he took her to Paris and didn't propose (but he did have marzipan! not even chocolate! boo! She and her Scottish (. . .?) friend Olivia are at a company party when the ex (James) shows up with Kate Moss (who is above doing a cameo on a pilot. . .or they didn't have the budget to book her).

She bolts the party and gets drinks nearby with her girlfriends. A group of 20-somethings asks her to settle a bet (which, in my cyncial way, I think is a setup to a joke about cougars. . .but it's not!) and she ends up dancing with the cutest one, Zach. . .right next to the bar.

They're hitting it off, and then he hits all of us over the head with his, oft-used, I'm guessing, pickup line: "I'm running out of charming, I think I have more back in my apartment. . .and some ravioli" ick. And she goes!!! Hope she likes the smell of herpes in the morning.

We see Zach's apartment, which is college chic, complete with a futon that Billie spends the night on. She wakes up, leaves post-it on his head (Sex and the City reference. . yawn) and leaves. . .only to walk into the losers from last night. She distracts them with a Grand Theft Auto reference and then promptly meets the girls for brunch.

She has another rendezvous with Zach. . .which we're led to believe happens a lot. . .which leads to the girls helping her with a pregnancy test. . .and it's positive. uh oh!

Her friends suggest that perhaps part of her got pregnant on purpose and wanted a baby, so she decides to keep it. . .then laments misusing her boytoy (aww sad). She figures that she has to tell him about the baby, which she decides to do in an alley behind the restaurant where he works. klassy. He decides to be involved because dad walked out on him, he was a sad boy, blah blah blah. She gives him an out, but he insists . . .and even offers to drive her to the doctor. Why is this character so nice? How long will it last? When can we hear more cheesy pickup lines?

Zach picks up Billie in a 16-passenger van, and mentions that he was just crashing at David's and now sleeps in the van. "Hmmm. . ." I think, "I'll bet she offers to let him stay with her." And after a scene where he compares a sonogram to "robot porn", I was right.

He shows up at the apartment with a friend in tow, asking what things in the apartment are called (seriously, he's probably 23. . .has it been that long since he lived in a house?). Charmingly, the friend says "Damn, I gotta knock me up a cougar." And there it is. Cougar reference #1 for the series.

Billie assures her friends that she's just helping him out, and the boytoy/cougar thing is ending because she's setting boundaries. . .until he's naked in her bed.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Billie wants to keep Zach at arm's length. . .and he wants to do it all the time.

Pickle solved! She sets her boundaries and kicks him out of bed. phew!

Back at work, she rehashes with Olivia who lets her know she's made lots of bad decisions. Thanks 'Liv!
James approaches her about living together, but doesn't get the concept (this show does not like men so much). Zach shows up with lunch and mentions the baby. James loses it! Zach and James have a multi-generational fight and James accuses Billie of using a pregnancy as a desperate cry for help. Throw around some Facebook references to remind us that this show takes place in 2009, and fight is over.

Billie returns home to Zach's lovely friends. They've made themselves at home. . .except for using the shower. . .they clearly haven't done that. She goes to put away groceries and the fridge door broke off. She goes nuts and yells at Zach and they both agree that he needs to go pack up his stuff. She storms to get there first and finds that he turned his room into a nursery. . .awwww. They make up. . .without a lot of chemistry. . .and she lets the friends stay to hang out.

She's laying in bed talking to him through the wall, he's sleeping on the floor, comments on how romantic it is and she informs him that she's not sleeping with him. Oh Zach. . .always trying. We conclude with talk of breakfast and an "I love you" that was more related to the food than the man.

Reaction:
Cute show - and a rather modern concept. I'm not sure where there is to go beyond her getting annoyed with how he lives, dealing with the fact they're in different places in their lives, dealing with James' lingering feelings, and of course, dealing with the baby. Not bad though!


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Dancing with the Stars
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, Gary Unmarried got renewed on this network. . .so probably

Hey look! It's ______Dharma____ from ____that show I never watched!___

I'm so quirky!

2009 Emmy Predictions

Just under the wire! Getting in who I think will win. Agree? Disagree? Comment below and sound off!

Best Series, Drama: Mad Men
Why: This show has been picking up momentum since it first aired. I don't watch it (but have Season 1 on my Netflix. . .calm down!), but everything I've heard about it is amazing, and this last season was full of game-changers and drama (I think). I'd like to see Lost win. . .but I don't think that will happen this year


ugh! we're so mad!!

Best Series, Comedy: 30 Rock
Why: This show is so well-respected, A-listers are waiting in line to guest star. This season also saw the secondary characters getting used more. . .unless the Emmy voters got as sick of Jane Krakowski's character singing in every episode as I did (although the Jenna Jopler plotline was hilarious!)


case in point

Best Actor, Drama: Jon Hamm
Why: Don't remember if he won last year, but from what I've heard, his Don Draper is amazing. I haven only seen one of the other shows on the list, so this isn't the most informed decision. . .


"Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh-oh-oh?"

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin
Why: This season, we saw more layers to Jack Doneghy, played with exuberance yet not getting melodramatic - the comedy always strongly in tact. I think it'll go to him. . . and hopefully he'll thank the writers.


"Never follow a hippie to a second location"

Best Actress, Drama: Elisabeth Moss
Why: Are we seeing a trend here? Most of the other actresses in this category have already won, and given that she's a fairly fresh face, a good actress, and on an immensely popular show, I think she'll win.


Not a mad man.

Best Actress, Comedy: Tina Fey
Why: She's a Chicago comedy alum, I can't not root for her. She's also a genius. . .and she's won before, so hopefully she'll take home another one!


"I want to go to there."

Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Michael Emerson!!!!!
Why: He's deserved this award for years. He manages to play a character who is simultaneously creepy, sympathetic, and always up to something. . .yet nobody knows what. The subtelty with which he's able to convey all of his character's many layers and consistently deliver a convincing performance has more than earned him this award.

he even looks creepy!

Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Chandra Wilson
Why: Again, haven't seen many of the performances in this category, but I love love LOVE Chandra Wilson and the acting chops that she brings to the show. Sandra Oh also had some great material on Grey's this season, but I have to root for my girl Chandra. On a show that has recently often alternated between goofy and melodramatic, Chandra is always able to show her character's reality without overacting the role.


there's a heart of gold inside all that sassy

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy: Neil Patrick Harris
Why: Well, they thought so much of him, they asked him to host the show. Such a hard choice between all of these actors, but even though I'm not a regular watcher of HIMYM, whenever I've seen in, he's always impressive. . .sleazy, yet you can see why this group would remain his friend. I hope Tracy Morgan gets one soon though :)


"I totally pwned the Tonys!"

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jane Krakowski
Why: Ok, as much as the constant singing was cloying, I did enjoy her plotline this season, and her ability to sell it. Kristin Chenoweth may get the "Your show was canceled too soon" vote, however.

look! no singing!

Best Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
Why: It's the only show that has ever won this category. . .and for good reason. If you can pull off a fast-paced race around the world, you can pull off any reality show.


Cast me!

Best Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program: Jeff Probst
Why: Unlike the competition, Jeff Probst has the added responsibility of interviewing the contestants to get to the core of what's going on and asking the questions we're all thinking. He contributes to the intrigue of the show, which is something I can't really say about the roles of the other hosts in the category. And the dude has to live in less-than-ideal conditions while he's working.

will extinguish your torch.

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: The Colbert Report
Why: Still the funniest show on tv. . .

Good chance. . .no aging musicians are nominated this year

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series: Ernest Borgnine
Why: He appeared on the finale of populr, long-running series. His character was so full of heart. . .he'd be hard to overlook.

almost makes you forget that "pulling the pork" comment. ewww.

Best Guest Acrtress in a Drama Series: Ellen Burstyn
Why: She was Stabler's mother who ended up having the same psychological disorder as her granddaughter. She brought out a different side of Elliot, and a strong performance.

categories that test my memory. . .

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Justin Timberlake
Why: Whenever he's on SNL, he's hilarious. Honestly, I don't remember exactly what he did this year, but he rarely misses. Beau Bridges was in a very sweet ep of DH, but funny? Not really.


make-your-own Kanye joke here.

Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Tina Fey
Why: Her Sarah Palin was not only spot-on, but was the funniest thing on the show this year.

gonna get all mavericky


Have fun!! Feel free to comment with your own predictions. . .or reactions

FALL TV REVIEW: Community

Name of Show: Community
Network: NBC
Day: Thursday
Time: 9:30pm EST/8:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting:
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Abed - high-strung guy who talks really really fast
Jeff Winger (joel mchale!) - sleazy guy, former lawyer
Britta - 28, hot girl from spanish
Ian Duncan - British Dean. may have been on The Daily Show. . looks familiar
Pierce Walthorn - Toastmaster, makes award-winning moist towelettes
Shirley - needs a babysitter
Annie - young, high-strung girl, known as "Annie Aderol" in high school
Troy - the "wonderboy", quarterback and prom king

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Jeff, who has finally been caught in his lies, is forced to attend community college. . .and find a community of his own.

Pilot plot:
The DVR cut off the first minute of the show, but from what I can tell, some guy is speaking to new class about people who attend community college. . .describing the misfits who they'll be surrounded with. The one class I took at one was just full of people who didn't want to take bio at their school.

Jeff, the slick guy (Joel McHale!!) and Abed, a fast talking young guy (almost too fast. . .) are talking about the girl from Jeff's Spanish class. Abed knows a scary amount of information about her, and Jeff takes in as much as possible. All you need to know? She's scared for the upcoming Spanish class. I thought this was Day 1. . .it sure moves fast for community college.

Jeff visits his old friend, Dr. Ian Duncan (the Dean!) and asks for help on all his upcoming tests. He's only in community college because he had faked a law degree and now needs a real degree. We basically learn that Jeff and the truth have a mostly off-again relationship.

It's lunchtime! In the cafeteria, we see Britta frantically studying for Spanish. I didn't know that community colleges have high school cafeterias. . .but apparently this one does. See? I'm already participating in the spirit of lifelong learning. Jeff tries to hit on her and she'll have none of it, so he makes up a Spanish study group piecing together all the spanish words he knows. She actually knows even less, so she's impressed enough to attend. Throw in a Touched by an Angel and "Seinfield" "Actually, it's Seinfeld" reference, and we have ourselves a scene!

Britta actually shows up to the study group and Jeff learns that she dropped out of high school to impress Radiohead and that she values honesty so much that she won't speak to someone who's dishonest with her. He decides to bail now given his aforementioned relationship with the truth. She admires that he's honest about his dishonesty and all of a sudden he's in. . .until Abed arrives. He tries to get him to leave by sending texts, but Abed is clueless and reads them out loud to Britta. Not really giving community college students the best name. . .

Duncan, meanwhile sends a text with all the wrong acronyms, which Jeff decodes to mean that he should go outside. He gets Duncan to give him the test answers. . . .I still don't know how. Impressive.

He returns to the study group and there are people there thanks to clueless Abed. He's kinda screwed, so he runs out. . .right into Britta! He asks her out. . .I still don't know how. . .and she agrees. . .right after they do some studying.

They have their Breakfast Club moment of learning about each other and then quote some 80s movies. . .and it devolves into fighting. Jeff gets a call to meet Duncan in the parking lot and gets the test answers. Duncan wants Jeff's car in return. . .and Jeff gets to drive the smart car. "gets to" is actually a strong statement for how Jeff feels about it.

Britta is pissed about how the study group is going. Jeff tries to get her to see that they're untutorable and she should go to dinner with him, but instead she sees through his whole ploy to get into los pantalones. Yet. . .she agrees to dinner.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Jeff's study group is a sham and Britta thinks he's a shallow jerk.

Jeff takes control of the study group and gives them a lecture about how people can find the good in people except themselves. Asks them to forgive each other and then empowers them to become a community.

Britta still won't go to dinner with him, so he offers everyone the test answers, which no one takes him up on. He gets fed up, leaves, opens the packet and then sees that it's a bunch of blank papers. He busts into Duncan's office who admits that he's trying to teach him a lesson. . .oh, and and Duncan is going keep the car. . .to continue the lesson. Booyah.

He sits outside to mope and is slowly joined by each member of the study group who each receive a good piece of advice from him and invite him back to study with them. awww.

Reaction:
It's been a long day, and I'm a bit tired, but this is a fast-paced show. The dialogue moves, and there were some words I couldn't understand, let alone process. So. . .hopefully the speech slows down a little bit. Jeff isn't really all that likeable, yet you like him. Deep down, there's some redeemable value, and I'm sure it'll be a fun season trying to see it. It didn't make me laugh out loud (I'm a tough audience), but it was definitely different and enjoyable.


Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Grey's Anatomy and Project Runway
Added to schedule?: Yes. . .because I can record the later airing of PR
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: yep!

FALL TV REVIEW: The Beautiful Life: TBL

Name of Show: The Beautiful Life: TBL
Network: CW
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: NYC
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Sonia Stone - mischa! popping smarties, coming back from a hiatus of modeling
Cole - Snarky gay guy who calls 'em as he sees 'em
Marissa - British model. . .self-sure borderline bitchy
Raina - newby blonde
Chris Andrews - from Iowa, waitress advocate
Claudia - Agent. . .maybe Elle MacPherson?
Simon - Agent guy. . .likes his boy toys
Isaac - kid face of Polo 10 years ago
Libby Andrews - Chris' precocious little sister
Alex - Raina's brother
Vivienne - some kinda big shot producer
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise: Models living in NYC. . .just trying to stay relevant, really.

Pilot plot:
We open at a Zac Posen show at Fashion Week in NYC. I wonder if their tent is near the Project Runway tent. . .some bitchy British model tells the newbie blonde that there are lots of celebrities out there. . .don't be nervous! (but she totally wants her to eat it on the runway. bitch!) New girl rocks it. Zac Posen appears as himself. Emmy! Some chick mentions that there's a problem and they need Sonia. uh. . .ok.

Cut to Sonia (Mischa Barton!) in a cab talking about the weather (yawn. . .) and barely making it. Apparently she's returning to modeling after a six month hiatus. Remember when Marissa and Summer walked in a fashion show in The OC? That's all I'm thinking about at this moment. . .and how Mischa kinda doesn't look like that anymore. . .

Back to backstage at the Zac Posen show and we see snippets of everybody gossiping about everyone else. What I don't see is the frantic mess that ANTM makes runways shows look like. These people are calm and sipping cocktails.

Some DJ is on the radio talking about how it's Fashion Week and careers will be made here. Also, no reservations for 10 blocks from Bryant Park. We then see a farmer dad (he mentioned taking two harvests to pay for vacation. Stereotype alert! Most farmers actually are pretty well off. . .) buying lunch at a restaurant by bryant park. Apparently he had an "in" at the diner. . .or one can assume. His son admonishes him for not leaving enough of a tip, so he sneaks back in to slip her some more money and then yells at some guy who is yelling for the waitress. Well, turns out that guy is a modeling agent who tells him he's interested. . .in him as a model. . .and maybe piece of ass. I smell a Johnny Bravo situation, y'all!

Back at the calm Zac Posen show, Sonia has shown up and doesn't fit in the key Zac Posen dress (ok. . .answers my Mischa Barton post-OC size question), but guess who does? Raina (the new girl). Ohhhhh Sonia is soooo pissed. Raina owns the runway and twirls in confetti or something. Pretty!

Guess where they are? NYC! And it's all fashiony!

Marissa and Raina are waiting in the agent's lobby. The other models stare angrily in their direction. Good Advice Marissa tells Raina, "Get used to every model hating you, you're in your moment." Um. . .thanks Mariss. Raina heads upstairs and bumps into Chris (literally! papers everywhere!) at the agency. love connection! Side note: Sonia now rolls her eyes every time she sees Raina.
Turns out at the agency, they're trying to cast someone in the new versace dress. The number one pick is Marissa. . .but something tells me it won't stay that way for long.
(seriously, no pressure)Chris and Raina are looking at the window, which is an opportune time for Chris to compare his town to the size of the people walking on the sidewalk.She then fixes his clothes for the go-see (a term you would know if you watched ANTM, airing before TBL). Simon (the agent) comes to get Raina and Chris. He tells Raina to act confident b/c she's the next big thing. He takes Chris to Claudia (the big shot agent) who asks for some shots. Simon doesn't feel the need to tell her he found Chris in a restaurant, instead he lets him stand there feeling like an ass. Isn't fashion great? His only advice is for him to take his shirt and pants off. Chris, a little stunned, does it. Claudia is so not impressed. ouch.

Outside of the office, Simon gives Chris a photographer's address to go to so he can have a portfolio. . .or whatever it's called in modeling. Raina escorts
Chris to the photographer, who asks him what music he likes and plays Sweet Home Alabama. ugh. I like the song, but Iowa is not Alabama. I can tell you that Iowans have access to non-country music thanks to the magic of iTunes.

Chris treats the photoshoot like he's getting his senior pic taken. The photographer has on his "I hate the midwest" exasperated face, when Raina steps in just in time and puts on some sexytime music. She whispers to him about the shower to get him to take a good pic, and he then just looks relaxed. . .which apparently is what they're looking for? Hey, if Tyra has taught me anything it's 1) Smile with your eyes and 2) Modeling is haaaaard! oh and 3) When in doubt, talk about Tyra. We'll see how this Iowan whippersnapper does!

Ooh! Another photoshoot! A model's life is so busy! This time they're bloody chess pieces. Lady models are yelling at guy models for copping feels. Oh modeling. . .

Isaac who was the "kid face of Polo" 10 years ago is trying to get whatever work he can. Unfortunately for him, that doesn't include sleeping with some British producer lady (seriously, does someone on this show have a vendetta against people from the UK?), so she tells him she'll let his agent know she doesn't have any work for him. Ouch. Come to think of it though, she probably doesn't have many opportunities to hit on models. . .who sleep with women.
Raina takes Chris back to the model house (wait, those exist? I thought it was just a reality show thing to have all the drama in one place) and the Andrews family comes to pick up Chris. . .or so they think. Turns out Chris is staying to fill the awkward male model niche and Dad is not happy (as expected). Mom slips him some money and little Libby says something no 10 year old from Iowa would be savvy enough to know (I actually think a 10 year old from NYC wouldn't know either. . .) and they're off to the airport!

Chris goes around the guy floor trying to find a roommate, and instead he finds a druggie and a guy who likes his single room (Cole). Cole does not seem surprised that Simon sent Chris and refers to him as one of "Simon's boys". You can literally see the red flags going off inside Chris' head. He calls Simon to straighten things out, and instead gets an invite to stay on the guest bed. He reluctantly agrees (seriously? doesn't the model house have a couch he can crash on?)

Raina returns to her room and her brother, Alex, is sitting on the bed. He's come to get her because Dad is getting out of jail soon and won't be happy his daughter is tarting it up for the cameras. Raina, on the precipice of worldwide fortune and fame, as it's been well established thus far, informs him that she's staying. Alex is unhappy and tells some sob story about Mom still setting a table for her. She doesn't care. And she is kinda scared about Dad getting out of the slammer.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Chris figured out Simon wants his bootay, and he's nonetoohappy to have Simon's house as his only option for a bed to crash. Raina's family wants her home because dad is getting out of jail and will be pissed she's modeling.

It's time for the Covet Modeling Agency (heh.) anniversary party! It's super glam. . Chris shows up all fancy and Johnny Cashy, dressed in black. Claudia shipped a dress to Raina for her to wear, and while Raina and Marissa chat, Claudia grabs Marissa's drink and tells her know she can't drink when she's working. boo hoo. She also tells her she has the Versace shoot. ooh oob!

Uh oh! Sonia shows up in the Versace dress in an attempt to steal the job. Franco is impressed and invites her to "reminsce". I hope they're going somewhere with a photo album!

In the boy corner of the party, we learn that Isaac got an eviction notice from the agency. Apparently he hasn't booked anything in a while. . .yeah, we learned that earlier. But that still sucks.

Claudia is chatting up Brendan Carr, creative director at GQ. Apparently we need to know this info. Hmm. . .perhaps Chris will book a job with them? Just maybe?

Cole tells Chris he's on a date, which doesn't go over well. This bites him in the ass when he's talking to the GQ guy (I knew it!) and Simon his all handsy, which he objects to in front of Brendan (never a good move). Chris throws a drink at Simon, who gets mad and takes some pig farmer pot shots, then Chris throws a punch! That's how we do things in the midwest! (ok, not really). As he's being escorted out by security, GQ hires him.

Sonia has left the sentimental rendezvous with Franco in disgust, and Raina follows her into the bathroom to make sure she's ok. Sonia lets us know that Franco is a lifelong dirtbag. Hey, at least he's consistent! Due to the not-so-subtle baby wallpaper on Sonia's phone, we learn the hiatus was due to motherhood. Sonia scares Raina into thinking that she'll turn into her. Raina promptly goes to Franco to try to get the Versace job. . .with her chach.

Franco hits on Raina(of course!) and she videotapes it on her iPhone (product placement!). She informs him that she's 16 (really?) and that she'll show it to her dad. Which means nothing, because Franco doesn't know he's a criminal!

Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to get music played. The DJ and him throw around the word "spin" at lot (so much jargon on this show!). He's told to "try a wedding". He then decides whoring himself out is the best option and promptly goes to kiss Vivienne (seems to be a trend on these new fall shows. . .)

Marissa makes out with the drug dealer guy and tells him to take her home before she sobers up. Drug dealer guy gets arrested the minute he steps outside the party. Apparently some chick who approached him wasn't a model. Should open a bed for Chris!

Sonia returns home to stare at pictures of her from her heyday, which she throws some flowers (from "R") at. So much anger!

Chris crashing on a windowseat in the model house (why don't they have a couch?), which he doesn't mind, since he's going home tomorrow. He has a heart-to-heart with Raina about whether or not he or anyone are cut out for this business. Ugh! Why does Simon keep calling? (he's trying to let you know about your GQ booking!). Raina lets Chris sleep on her floor. awww.

Reaction:
This show, I think, is trying to make me appreciate what models go through. . .and it does not succeed. It's fun to see into that world, but the characters have so much going on that I spend most of the show worrying about them. And I keep feeling like there are appearances by people I should know. . .if only I knew fashiony people.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Glee and Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: probably not

Hey! It's _Marissa_______ from __The O.C._______ !

what do you mean I died in a car crash?

FALL TV REVIEW: The Vampire Diaries

Name of Show: The Vampire Diaries
Network: CW
Day: Thursday
Time: 8pm EST/7pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Mystic Falls
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Darrin Malloy: 90s hair, died
Brooke Fenton: Blonde, died (and also dyed. . .?)
Aunt Jenna: Thought she was in high school when I first saw her, she's actually writing thesis, so close enough.
Elena Gilbert: Girl whose parents died.
Bonnie: Psychic girl, flighty
Matt: Sulking jock guy, used to date Elena, Vicki's brother
Caroline: Blonde, fake concern for Elena, sorta like Patty Simcox in Grease
Vicki: Takes drugs, bad girl, Matt's sister
Jeremy: Elena's brother, deals drugs to/sleeps with Vicki
Stefan Salvatore: Hot new guy. . .a tad bit creepy. Vants to suck your blood
Tyler: Vicki's bf. douchebag with funny insults
Zach: Related to Stefan/Damon somehow
Damon: Stefan's trouble-making brother

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
X Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Vampires are gonna wreak havok in Mystic Falls, while nice girl Elena is just trying to move on from her parents' death.

Pilot plot:

We start in a foggy wood and I expect the creepy swingset from Are You Afraid of the Dark to be nearby. A voiceover from what I assume to be a vampire about how this is his story. bookay.

We then see a car with a hot blonde and a dude with a weird 90s haircut and they hit some guy all I Know What You Did Last Summer-like. I'm beginning to think this is one of those movies that just mocks a genre (like Scary Movie or Dance Movie), but then remember that it's capitalizing on the whole Twilight thing. . .so we should only see a few more movie ripoffs. Anyway, Darrin (ooh! they actually said his name!) runs to check on their roadkill (who has a spiffy Jostens class ring) and promptly gets bit all vampire style. He then gets flung onto the hood of the car. The chick runs off, but she's as good as dead, really.

In a less foggy setting, we cut to a teenager writing in her diary (what? vampires and diaries in the first 5 minutes. You've given me no reason to keep watching, show!). Apparently her parents died but she doesn't want to be the "sad" girl at school. Yeah, nobody likes when you're a downer about both of your parents being killed. . .that's a fast track to the geek table at lunch. Good move, As-Yet-Unnamed girl.

She moseys downstairs and greets her Aunt Jenna and emo brother. We see behind her photos of the vampire food couple from the first scene. So it's confirmed the chick died too. . .told you so!

First day of school! They, of course, attend a school that is 3 stories, about 3 houses wide and looks like the school from the Simpsons. Like every TV/Movie high school, everyone hangs out front before school starts. WTF? They live in Mystic Falls (where the most popular restaurant is Mystic Pizza, natch). I'm surprised any of them have straight hair, given the amount of fog in that town. Some chick who thinks she's psychic drives Elena to school and almost hits someone. . .purely for our benefit, because we get to learn that both of Elena's parents died in a car crash. Thanks Backstory Scene!

In the hallways of MFHS, we have the usual cast of characters. . .bubbly student council president-type who feigns concern over Elena's misfortune. . .a combo of Patty Simcox from Grease and Amber from The O.C. Jock who used to date Elena and now hides behind his iPod and throws steely stares toward her. The brother is out back dealing drugs to some hard-living chick (who's supposed to be passing for 18? really? I'll bet she was the ring leader with the whole cast flashing people thing.) Best line of the night was her bf calling the brother "Pete Wentz" before he attacked Vicki's face with his tongue.

Meanwhile, some guy is talking the secretary into letting him attend school. He pulls the vampire version of a Jedi mind trick and the girls all fall over each other just to look at him. After all, it's not every day you have some 25 year old attending your high school. Elena misses this slobberfest, however, because she busted into the mens' bathroom to yell at her brother for doing drugs. He denies it, but the Visene doesn't lie. She storms out and runs head-on into the new hot guy. They do the wayyyy too choreographed "You go." "No, you go" "Oops! we're both going the same way!" dance and she heads off to first period.

First day of school and the teacher is already yammering on about colonial Virginia. So boring! Good thing they can text each other! New hot guy is totes staring at Elena. eeee!!!

Elena, like you do in high school, walks home through the cemetery. She plops down by her parents' graves and starts writing in her diary. A crow shows up and she schmacts (e.g. badly acts) her way through being annoyed with the bird. Suddenly a Bar Mitzvah breaks out and there's fog everywhere (but no glow sticks? booooo!!) she runs away, and falls and wouldn't you know that hot (now somewhat creepy) guy from school is there. She shows her wound and he gets a vampire boner (and flashes his Jostens class ring) and tells her to leave. Oh, and apparently his name is Stefan. A name one might have in say. . . .Transylvania. . . .?

We return from commercial and Stefan is writing in his diary (ah, another diary. . .hence it's not named The Vampire Diary) and admits that he lost control today. He also has Elena's diary sitting next to him. Creep. Store.

Cut to all of the kids hanging out at a more rustic version of The Maxx (oh please be named Mystic Pizza. . .please???) and we learn that there are very few people to choose from in this town. Basically, Vicki deflowered Jeremy and is the jock guy's sister who used to date Elena (who is Jeremy's sister). There's some kind of ick factor there. . .

The blonde chick enters with the as-yet-unnamed flighty friend and Backstories Stefan for us. He just moved to town, lives with his uncle. . . .etc. Blonde chick has set a wedding date for Stefan and her. um. . .ok.

Elena is getting spiffied up to go to Mystic Pizza, opens the door and Stefan is there. He hands her her diary and she invites him out. They hang with the girls and he Backstories himself (so why did we need that previous scene?). They let him know about some party and he'll only go if Elena is there (awww. . .no wait. creepy.) We also learn that Stefan's parents are both dead, so Elena is officially smitten.

Back at the set of Count Flloyd's Scary Stories, someone who looks like Bradley Cooper but calls him "Uncle Stefan" holds up the paper claiming an animal attacked our lovely couple from the opening but he knows it was Stefan! He asks Stefan why he's back after all these years, and Stefan feels like he has nowhere to go. He then goes to ogle a portrait of Katherine from 1864. . .who looks a lot like Elena!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Stefan is from 150 years ago! And Boone from Lost was not in ANY of Act 1? WTF?

Act 2 begins in history class. The teacher, who's clearly bitter, calls everyone by their stereotype and expects the worst from them. Yay for another glowing review of our educational system! When Elena doesn't know the answer to his question, he lets her know that the dead parents pity party ended with summer vacation, missy! Teacher of the Year right here. Behind him on a chalkboard is written "Battle of Willow Creek - 1865". Hey! That's one year before that picture of Katherine was taken. Perhaps she died in that battle? Stefan knows about the battle (because he lived through it) and corrects Mr. Tanner's facts. Suck on that a-hole!

Shot of the falls! They're so mystic!

It's time for the party! Here are the key events:

• Psychic friend (Bonnie!) really is psychic
• Vicki is a whore but doesn't want to be, gets attacked by a vampire
  
• Stefan gets hit on by blonde chick (Caroline!) and rejects her
  
• Elena and Jeremy find Vicki
• Jock Guy (Matt!) professes his undying love to Elena
  
• Stefan not-so-subtly backs away when a bloody Vicki is carried into the crowd. And Matt totally notices!
  

Stefan runs home, tells Zach (his nephew. . .uncle. . . I'm confused. . .) that someone else was attacked but he didn't do it. A crow flies in and we see Damon, his brother (yay! Boone!)

Damon does a little Rehashing for us and lets us know that it's been 15 years since they've "done this". He laments 90s fashions and in what's probably the most ironic line of the night says,
"Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads." hahahaha.

A vampire fight ensues over Damon needling Stefan over Katherine and Elena and Damon steals his Jostens ring, which is apparently some big deal.

Time to start wrapping things up!

• Bonnie feels it's just the beginning (duh! it's a pilot!)
• Caroline is pissed that she doesn't get the guy and Elena always does. Bitch is gonna make trouble!
• Vicki in hospital looking damn good, I must say. Matt is by her side.
• Elena writing in diary.
  
• Stefan writing in diary. (The Vampire DiarieS. . .must have more than 1 at all times!)
• Jeremy cries over parents' pic with Aunt Jenna watching
• Caroline hits on Damon
• Damon is totally the one biting people
  

Stefan watching Elena from the yard and they talk about whether or not they're ok. weak!


Reaction:
this. show. is. trying. SO. hard. Admittedly, I have not participated in this Twilight phenomenon, so I don't know how closely this show resembles those books, but I can speak to the fact that it's ripped off almost every teen movie cliche. It's like "Here are things we think young people like. . .put them all in the pilot!" No twitter/facebook references though, so thank goodness for small blessings. I'm assuming it will do while you're waiting for the next Twilight movie to come out. And Boone totally looks weird on this show. . .I can't place it. I'm sure the tweeners/teens will eat it up though, so it probably has about 3 seasons in it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Parks and Recreation and Grey's Anatomy
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes, it's a freaking vampire show.

Hey! It's _Boone_______ from __Lost_______ !


I guess his eyes were freaky back then!

Reality TV desconstructed

On a rare non-premiere day (btw, did you watch Glee? go! watch it now!), I decided to do my own deconstruction, much like Mike on Top Chef this week: Reality TV. You'll never watch it the same way again.

1) The first person to do a confessional interview is either eliminated or wins something. Seriously. DVR Project Runway, Top Chef, Survivor, Top Model, Apprentice. . .any of those. Watch the ep, then watch the first 5 minutes. 9 times out of 10, this will be the case.

2) "Wow, we're learning a lot about so-and-so today." Um. . .they're doomed. . .or will be soon. You won't learn about the people who win until later, most likely. Because they're talented. . .and boring.

3) This person's brother/mom/cousin/long lost bff from grade school is on the show too?! They're either kicked of first or go really far. The producers will milk that gimmick for all it's worth until you're as sick of hearing about it as you were of hearing Michael scream "Waaalllltttt!" into the woods all through Season 2 of Lost.

4) The entertaining people will make it to the middle. . .probably saved once by producer intervention (again, use that handy DVR and watch the credits. . .there's usually a disclaimer about producers having a say in who goes), then they're kicked off before the real competition begins. Do NOT get attached!

5) None of these rules apply to Big Brother. . .which means you can get stuck with some pretty boring people by the end.

6) The likeable people with the hero edit don't always win. . . .sometimes it's the people you've been rooting against all season who hang on like cockraoches. See: Freddy and Kendra from Amazing Race, Helen from Biggest Loser, Richard Hatch from Survivor, Piers from Celebrity Apprentice.

7) By the time the next season starts, you won't remember who won the previous season. . .nor care.

Fall TV Review: Melrose Place

Name of Show: Melrose Place
Network: CW
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: LA
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Dr. Lauren Yung: Doctor who wears too much makeup
Sydney: Coked out actress who drinks too much, dies in pool
David Breck: Spiky-haried "blonde" who feels like he has to save Sydney
Riley Richmond: teacher who's dating quirky guy
Jonah Miller: Quirky guy who's a filmmaker, 25 years old
Ella Simms: Insensitive blonde, I believe an agent or something
Auggie Kirkpatrick: Nice guy, chef
Violet Richmond (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz): New girl to MP
Dr. Michael Mancini: David's dad, drives a nice car

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
X Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise:
Everybody lives in the same apartment complex and live sordid sordid lives. Oh, and we don't know who killed Sydney!

Pilot plot:
We open in a swanky bar to David making out with some chick and getting a text to come help someone. After checking with his brahs (bros), talking to some people about what a train wreck Sydney is and calling some doctor (or club girl who threw on some scrubs and snuck into a hospital, judging from the caked-on makeup) and learning about the signs of alcohol poisoning that everyone knows, he runs home (to MELROSE PLACE) to find Sydney perfectly lucid! Ugh! A twist already! She was on the original show, I think (I've seen it like twice) and complains about how she doesn't have a family.

Cut to Riley and her bf whose name I didn't catch because Riley speaks a mile a minute. He's all Seth Coheney and complains about no green clovers in his Lucky Charms (wait, people notice when marshmallows are missing? Usually I'm like "oooh! marshmallow! ew. cereal. oooh! marshamallow!"). She whines about it being their anniversary, which he blows off. . .or so he wants you to think! He plays some video in which they're pretending to have fun and like each other (and how convenient the camera was there to capture your spontaneous pillow fight!). It ends with him proposing, which might be compelling if I didn't feel like I was watching some scene in an acting class where both students are hungover.

Splatsh! Sydney's bloody body is face down in the MP pool! Everybody is torn up, especially Ashlee Simpson-Wentz who found her. She gets consoled by Auggie. She'll be ok. Ella doesn't really care that Sydney is dead, yet nobody suspects her. . .but everybody suspects David! Speaking of, he's at the popo being asked about her death.

Dr. Yung is being super nice to an older patient lady, then learns that her dad got laid off awhile ago and can't pay her tuition. He feels really bad. So does she, because she'll have to leave school if she doesn't pay tuition by the end of the month.

Back to Riley and quirky guy (yawn. . .). She can't decide whether or not to accept his prosal. Mr. Quirky (still didn't get his name. . .) is sad.

Ella gives David a fake alibi and quite enjoys telling everyone that he was with her that night. Yet, we get to see her thoughts and she's remembering killing Sydney. . .well, arguing with her mostly. . .but we can deduce what happened later. Sydney was pissed about something and evicted Ella. . .or tried to.

Back in the real world, David's dad shows up (who also may have been on the original show. . .he looks familiar). . .he's also driving Mercedes' version of the Delorean.

In Most Obvious Backstory Dialogue Ever David says "Why didn't you tell me you used to live there, dad?" Then talks about how Sydney went after him to get back at the dad. . .blah blah blah. . .Dad kicks him out of the car into some homeless people.

Jonah and Ella are filming some 18 year old's party, she's hitting on him all vixen-like, then tries to talk him out of his engagement.

Dr. Yung gets asked out by older patient lady's son.

Back at Dr. Yung's apt, she rehashes everything we know about her to Riley (in case you just tuned in, I guess. . .?)

Jonah tries to get the huge director whose daughter's party he's taping to view his student film. Ella said it would be no problem! Director is insulted. Ella kinda really sucks.

More rehashing: David rehashes to Auggie. Auggie knows his alibi is bogus (oooh. . .potential problem?) and David fears he blacked out and did it. Auggie knows that didn't happen (maybe he saw the same flashback we did?)

Riley confides in Dr. Yung that she fears that Jonah may be too immature to marry because he still plays with legos (ooh. . .then there's no hope for my brother. . .)

Jonah is asked to photograph the gifts because they're in an 18 and happens to get the big director man on tape hooking up with a teen. ruh roh!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Jonah could possibly get his ass kicked. Oh, and Sydney is still dead and nobody has been arrested.

David's dad is in the car, gets a call from his wife about his little son (Noah) and then flashes back to a visit from Sydney where she talks about not sleeping with David anymore. Then she threatens to tell his wife about them. . . .she's awesome too.

We see Dr. Yung on her date with the guy from the hospital, and he propositions her. She says that she doesn't do that on a first date, and he tells her that there won't be a second date because he's going back to NYC. He admits that he saw the fax and offers to pay off her tuition (which is only $5k. . .what kind of med school is this?) if she'll sleep with him. She storms off. I really hope we don't see her go back on her decision .. .but something tells me she will!

Back at the skeezy director's house, he offers Jonah $25k for his student video and a gig directing a movie (oops. . .maybe he's a producer) if he gives him the tape of him snogging the teen.

Lauren (Dr. Yung) returns home and Violet blathers on about how $5k is a lot of money and by not taking him up on his offer she didn't get the guy or the money. (uh. . .what?) She also talks about how they're nice girls and they don't have fun. Then, I assume she goes back to creepily wandering around the pool.

Jonah returns home and rehashes to Riley. Basically, we find out that he ended up not taking up that producer on his offer because he doesn't want to start his career that way. Riley finally agrees to marry him. (it makes me wonder what would have happened if he hadn't had an epic moral struggle to help her make up her damn mind).

They all gather to toast to Sydney and Jonah (dressed in some outfit that seriously needs lederhosen) announces his engagement. Violet looks around all creepily as Jonah hugs people. David propositions Ella. . .she says no. Violet asks out Auggie. . .he says no. Then, we see a montage of what people do when they get home (p.s. David steals paintings from museums to auction them off!). Ella is a lesbian, and surprise! Dr. Yung whores her self out for tuition money. Also surprise! Auggie has Sydney's bloody clothes!! wha?? Even I didn't see that one coming.

Reaction: None of the characters are likeable. The ones who are supposed to be are just kind of annoying. Jonah is maybe the closest to being likeable. As the show went on, we saw more dimension to these characters, so I think the future episodes should be interesting. And how can they be swimming in that pool after a dead body was floating in it? Yuck!!!

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Big Brother (until next week), Biggest Loser (after next week) and 18 Kids and Counting (I just revealed WAY too much about myself)
Added to schedule?: nope

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Eh, probably. 90210 was.

Hey! It's _Ashlee Simpson-Wentz________ from _Seventh Heaven________ !

with her old face!

FALL TV REVIEW: Glee

Name of Show: Glee
Network: Fox
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Sitcom
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot: Director's Cut

Setting: Ohio!
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Ken Tanaka: Bitter teacher, football coach, into Emma
Will Schuester: Spanish Teacher, youngish, wants to take over the Glee club
Emma Pillsbury: Hot new teacher, germaphobe, guidance counselor
Figgins: Principal, cares about the bottom line
Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch): Cheerleading coach, hard core
Mercedes Jones: Kinda like JHud in high school
Kurt Hummel: gay teen, gets beat up by jocks. good singer. . .maybe a soprano?
Tina Cohen-Chang: Emo Asian chick
Artie Abrams: Wheelchair kid, nerdy
Rachel Berry: Nerdy girl. . .but cuter than any other nerdy girl you've ever seen. Think Tracy Flick. Has 2 gay dads. . .think Logan from Spelling Bee. People randomly throw drinks on her.
Terri Schuester: Will's wife, kind of a bitch. . .a selfish bitch.
Finn Hudson: Quarterback of the football team, sings well, not exactly bright, still doing the fauxhawk thing
Quinn Fabray: Finn's gf, cheerleader, president of the celibacy club (why do all TV schools have a celibacy club?)


Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
X Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
-Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
X Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise:
Will was on the William McKinley High School glee club and wants to return it to his former glory. . .and all the other kids just want to find a place where they belong.

Pilot plot:
At William McKinley School, the Cheerios run campus life. They're the cheerleading team, and they're on Fox Sports. Oh! They're also coached by Jane Lynch. yay!

We learn that the old glee club coach was fired for being inappropriate with a student and so Will, the Spanish teacher, volunteers to coach them. He's told by the principal that until they have the kind of profile the Cheerios have, he'll have to pay $60/month to keep them going.

He holds auditions for "New Directions" (say it out loud. . .) and gets quite the motley crue. We learn that Rachel Berry is the most talented but isn't happy with the screwballs she's been cast with. All she cares about it being famous and does webcammy MySpace stuff (not THAT kind. . .) and the Cheerios post mean things about her. She's sick of being ridiculed and threatens to quit if Will doesn't recruit cool kids.

He tells his wife about needing to work late to run detention (which he agreed to do to keep glee club alive), during her shift at Sheets N' Things and she bitches about having to work part time (where she berates her coworkers for not knowing how to fold fitted sheets. I'd never make it there.) He runs into the old music teacher who gives him the medical marijuana he sells. . .oh old coworkers. Always willing to help you out.

Will talks to the other teachers and learns he needs to get some cool kids to join. He talks to the football team to get one of them, and none of them agree to sign up. He then hears one of the jocks singing in the shower and plants the medical marijuana on him. He basically extorts him into joining the glee club (like any good educator would do).

They rehearse with the jock guy and shock! They're kinda good! JHud is NOT happy about singing backup (hmm. . .sounds familiar. . .)

Act 1 Break Pickle: Will's trying to bring glee club back to its former glory and nobody believes in him!

He talks to his wife about wanting to take the kids to a field trip DOWN to AKRON (ok, they have to be near Cleveland. . .) to see another glee club. She bitches about finances and apparently is squandering their money on shit from Pottery Barn. She's a treat. She also reminds him that they'll never return to their glory days of Cheerio and Golden Boy (on the glee club!), so he needs to grow up and get a job as an accountant (teacher isn't a grown up job?).

Meanwhile, we learn that Finn learned to love singing when some lawn fertilizer guy (who may have also tried to fertilize his mom) played music and had him sing along.

They go on the field trip, which Emma volunteers to help chaperone, and Will confides a little bit of his marital troubles in her over some PB&J. Emma has a wild crush on Mr. Will (and while weird, isn't an uber bitch like his wife). The other glee club is crazy good singing Rehab and they all realize they have their work cut out for them.

Back at school, Ken is pissed that his qb is in New Directions (say it out loud) and even more pissed that Emma won't go on a date with him. One of the jock assholes hears him yelling at Finn about being in glee club, and tries to get Finn to admit it. Finn lies, but the jock thinks something may be up (ya think?).

Will arrives home to a "congrats!" banner and his wife gives him the news that she's pregnant! He looks sorta notsoexcited about the news. He decides to quit his teaching job and become and accountant.

The jockboys confront Finn with paintballs (ouch! those hurt!) and then, when he tells them he quit New Directions (say it out loud) to let him back in their club, they lock the wheelchair kid from glee club in the port-o-potty (side note: saw one today named Oui Oui. haha), and they offer to let him have the first roll. He thinks this is horrible and lets the kid out. He also gives the Moral Backbone of the Show Speech and tells them that they're all losers because only half of the kids from the school go to college and only two will go out of state (hey! Ohio actually has some decent in-state schools. . .) and that he's going to do the only thing that has made him happy in his whole life. (does it bug anyone else when teenagers make sweeping statements like that?).

The New Directions (say it out loud) kids decide to take matters into their own hands once they learn that Will is leaving WMHS and take over glee club, each taking a different responsibility.

Emma, meanwhile, has dug up archive footage (which we don't actually get to see) of Will in glee club in '93, right before they won nationals and comments about how happy he looks. She talks him into staying and showing his future baby that happiness isn't money but following your passions.

New Directions (have you said it out loud yet?) is practicing their new number: Don't Stop Believing (coincidentally they're wearing the same costumes we had in high school dance class when we did a number to Ragtime. . .a musical which featured. . .Lea Michele who plays Rachel. Full circle, folks!) it's amazing and Will comes in to see them. He's impressed and lets them know that he's staying and to take it from the top! awww.

Reaction: This show has that quirky feel, reminiscent of the movie Election. The characters are more likable though, and it will be interesting to see how they find themselves by joining something that nobody in the school seems to want to exist. You kinda know the season will end with them winning states or nationals or something. . .but that's ok. The musical numbers keep it fun and interesting. . .although I think this show could do better as a 30 minute show, rather than 60. I've been following Lea Michele's Broadway career for some time, so it's great to see her on this show, especially since she'll be singing! Matthew Morrison (Will) is also a Broadway alum, and had a small role in one of my favorite RomComs - Music & Lyrics! It will be a fun, breezy addition to my tv sched - can't wait for it to come back!

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: um, i don't think a show has been more up my alley.

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, technically it premiered late last Spring, and given the following it already has, I think it will be around for a while.

Hey! It's _Lea Michele________ from _the replacement cast of Les Miz I saw on Broadway in 1996!________ !


closer to the age of her glee character than she is now. . .