Don't judge a blog by its title

Emails to Children's Catalogs #2: Tea

2011-08-02T18:44:00.004-05:00

This one is for a Back to School catalog for Tea. Their stuff is super cute if you have kids. . .which I don't. If you do, check them out here: http://www.teacollection.com/

Email:

Hi there,

I received your catalog today, and I actually don't have children. I just recently started a diet, and if it goes well, there's a chance I could fit into the larger kids' sizes eventually. My mom always said to buy the size I am, and not the size I hope to be though, so regretfully, I'm going to have to ask you to remove me from your list. The info on the address panel is below. Thanks so much!

Response:

Nothing within 48 hours. Someone didn't take my email seriously. . .hopefully they at least took me off their list!

Emails to Children's Cataogs #1

2011-08-02T18:32:00.003-05:00

Somehow I made it on a marketing list of people who would have a need for children's catalogs. If you know me, you think this is hilarious. As much as I like having more mail to shred, I've decided to request to be removed from their lists. But. . .why not have some fun with it? As they come, I'll post for you my removal request and their responses. Enjoy!

My email:

Hi there,

I received your CompanyKids catalog, and I don't have kids. As cute as the stuff is, I would probably scare away some eligible bachelor if they came back to my apt and it was decorated like a child's room. And as much as I like having another catalog to recycle, you probably don't want to spend those printing costs and postage on me. So, if you wouldn't mind removing me from your list, that would be great. Thanks so much!

Response:
Thank you for your inquiry. We are not showing the name / address you have provided in our system. If you do not have an account number it is most likely that your name and address was obtained from another company. If you do not place an order our catalogs should automatically stop within 2-3 mailings (WHAT? two or three? ugh.) as they are pre-printed. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us.

P2X and groceries

2010-02-18T21:11:00.002-06:00

So, no food in my house that I could bring for lunch, which meant that I needed to go buy something. Jimmy Johns? Nope. Cosi? Bread is too tempting. Salad place in Illinois Center? ding ding ding! Sounded great until I realized that most dressings have sugar in them. . .esp low fat ones. So, my apples and strawberries were doused in red wine vinegar and olive oil. yum?

To fix this problem, I went to the grocery store, where I realized that most of what I like to eat has sugar and flour in it. Esp my Lenten staple of Friday spaghetti night. So, I bought a sweet potato, a bunch of boxes of triscuits (on sale and within bounds!), some soy bacon bits and reduced fat sour cream and had baked potato night. yay!

That would give me the energy I needed to go into Day 2 (Cardio!) with ease. Yeah, except somebody didn't wait long enough after eating and was about to yarf all over Tony, Jason, Dom, and Vanessa. Oh well, I got through it! And it was a lot easier than yesterday and seemed to fly by. Ironically Tony's tip of the day was "make sure you eat enough". No worries there, T-Horts.

P1X (again) and Lent

2010-02-17T20:46:00.002-06:00

It's Lent already? Didn't we just ignore Valentine's Day? I feel so unprepared.

So, despite not being a practicing Catholic , I do observe Lent (shit! I just realized I ate meat today. . .clearly off to a great start). I've always treated it as my own personal dare. ("Hey Maureen! Bet you can't make it 40 days without drinking!" "Shutup! Yes I can!"). In the past few years, I've tried adding something to my routine as well as taking something away. So this year, I will be doing P90X (or at least the first 40 days of it) and cutting processed sugar and processed flour. Let me be clear, I do NOT include alcohol in that grouping. Just so we're clear.

So today, I finished my leftovers that I brought to work a week ago (hmm. . .hope those were ok to eat. . .) made an omelette for dinner (with Canadian bacon in it. . .whoops!). Popped in my Core Synergistics DVD and went to town. Oh, except my body had no energy.

I'll be honest, I've started P90X about 4 different times. . .most recently a month or so ago until I had to stop b/c I got sick. I always feel like I can conquer the world on Day 1. Not this time. My muscles were shakey, I was getting lightheaded. BUT, I finished it, and that's half the battle, right? (and don't worry, I'm eating some popcorn right now to get some carbs into my system)

Anyway, I'm gonna blog this journey. I'll try to keep it short and not super mundane. Btw, when you're at Walgreens on Feb 15th and think "Sweet! Heart shaped York Peppermint Patties are half off!" don't forget that Lent is 2 days away. Those will last in my desk until Easter, I suppose. Tempting me every damn day.

Creepy/Cooky

2009-12-15T23:37:00.003-06:00

The year I moved to Chicago, a show called Spamalot was playing in town. Since I was making barely enough money to live (ok live AND be able to attend happy hour), and since I didn't quite yet understand that previews for shows were done out of town before they hit Broadway, I made no effort to see it. . .which I have regretted ever since. So, I vowed to see every Broadway show that previews here.

As a result, I suffered through The Pirate Queen. horrific.

When I saw the Addams Family was coming to Chicago starring Bebe Neuwirth and Nathan Lane, I was ecstatic. "These are two people who wouldn't be in a crappy musical," I thought. So, I bought the cheapest tickets I could (hey! It's Christmas! Can't spend too much on myself. . .), grabbed my other musical theater geek friend, Jessie, and headed to the theater!

First, I watched a lot of Addams Family as a kid, so I'm definitely familiar. I've also seen one (if not both) of the movies. I'm not going to rehash the whole musical, but basically it opens in this graveyard scene where they're doing some ceremony that involves Wednesday becoming a woman (and cutting her iconic pigtails). A few minutes/musical numbers in, we see the facade of the Addams house, which falls in dramatic fashion to reveal the family and a version of the theme song. This, in my opinion, is the beginning of the show.

One of the great things about the Addams Family is the strength of their female characters. Morticia is strong, secure, and in control. Perfect for Bebe Neuwirth. In the musical, she's a short step away from being a shallow, self-absorbed cougar. It really does both the role and the actress a disservice.

The musical couldn't figure out what story it wanted to tell - with 7 characters in the house, they could have focused on those relationships and didn't really need to introduce the family of Wednesday's boyfriend (p.s. most of the story is about Wednesday wanting to run away with a normal boy), and the most interesting characters are underused.

Also, I know his name is Gomez, but was he always latin? Hmm. Nathan Lane makes it work, but better to work with Nathan Lane, than make him make it work. . .ya know?

I'm so curious to see how this show will change before it hits B'Way. . .and if they'll get rid of the 5 minute Tango number in the show. I don't like Tango week on Dancing with the Stars, let alone in a musical.

Also, I'm pretty sure there was a squid raping a man in the show. pretty sure. . .

T-. . .i forget

2009-12-14T12:25:00.004-06:00

After posting last time that I have not heard Feliz Navidad nearly enough, I heard it! For some reason, that song makes my brother and me inexplicably happy. As kids, when it would come on, one of us would scream for the other and then we'd sing the english parts using our best Elvis/Cher impression (side note: have you ever noticed how similar their voices are?), and try to figure out exactly where the "haHA!" comes in.

I've missed about a week of posts, so in a nutshell, here are the holiday activities during that time:
-Account Team holiday party - Iron Chef. We had to face off in pairs to create a course. I got dessert, which is right up my alley. Unfortunately, I decided to make pastry from scratch (I don't so much like to lose things. . .), and that involved a lot of work the night before, including trips to three different grocery stores to find Wondra Flour. FAIL. But I ended up beating my coworker who dislocated his shoulder the night before so. . .win?

-Becky's Bday Party! Headed to Southport Lanes to see college friends who I haven't seen in WAY too long. Southport Lanes has actual pin-setters who liked to mess with me and lift up the one pin I was gonna knock over (I swear I was better at bowling at one point in my life. . .).

-Rehearsals My improv/sketch group is trying to put up a new sketch show, revamp an old one, and prep for an improv competition, which means that from now until Feb, most of my extra time will be spent rehearsing, putting together schedules, writing stuff, etc. It's a good thing I love my group and spending time with them, otherwise it would be brutal! As of now, I'm slated to choreograph a dance for two of the boys, which is making me way too happy.

And remember - you can never have too much Jose Feliciano.

A fairytale, they say (T-18,17,16)

2009-12-06T22:51:00.003-06:00

Weekend events: Work holiday party, Class, Rehearsal

Friday: So after all the number crunching on Thursday, my head was pudding on Friday. I also had to wear my party dress to work (and be careful not to bend over too far), so it was a fun day. We all headed to Hawkeyes on Taylor Street and then to RoSal's. . .also on Taylor Street. Our dinner was based on The Big Night, which if you haven't seen it, is an 11-course meal. 11 courses! A marathon, not a race. By course 10, I was pretty much done. Thankfully I have an extra stomach for cannoli! hehe. I think I'm still full.

Saturday: Had Second City class (last one until January!!) then we went to Jimmy Johns, improv rehearsal, and home. After the week you all read about, there's nothing like having some couch time. It was delightful.

Sunday: Had a lot planned. . .was gonna catch up on all of my chores, clean up, do all my personal stuff that doesn't get done during the week. What did I do? Uh, watched Elf, 40 Year-Old Virgin and 2 eps of Family Ties. Had rehearsal at this new place where they were super anal and came in at 9:30 to yell at us for still being there (we had it reserved from 7:30-9:30). Seriously?

Side note: Have not heard Feliz Navidad played nearly enough. I love that song.

Jack Frost nipping at your nose (T-19 days)

2009-12-03T23:54:00.003-06:00

Today's event: Making up my Second City class

The lovely thing about a client party the night before is that when you walk into work, everyone is pretty low key. Had to make up for the work I missed by leaving at 4:30 yesterday, so the morning was a whirlwind. I decided to celebrate by going to Nordstrom to buy boots.

Ok, so my calves. Let's talk about them. First, one is a half inch larger around than the other. 2) they're huge. I grew up playing landsports, so they are muscular and do not fit in boots. The chick at Nordstrom asked me what I wanted, only listened to one of the boots I asked for before she turned around. Luckily, I caught her attention again to ask her for the other two boots I wanted to try (since she was in no hurry to get the first pair I requested). Then she dumped them and said she'd be back. After spending a good 10-15 minutes trying to cram my calves into boots and no sign of the boot lady, I left them there an went back to work. At least I don't have cankles. Thank goodness for small blessings.

After work, I headed to SC, afraid to get there too early and awkwardly sit in the lobby with nothing to read. Luckily, I ran into Sam at Starbucks, and then Patrick, and then Melissa (a blog reader and awesome friend!), so I had people to talk to. After the awkwardness of class with a bunch of people I don't know (and some I do), who were weirded out that so many of us crashed their class, I ran into Jessie (also in my SC class, but was actually there to see a show).

As usual, it's midnight, and I'm not in bed, so I should get on that. Who's happy it's Friday tomorrow (technically today?) I know I am!!

Gonna find out who's naughy or nice (T-20 days)

2009-12-02T23:09:00.005-06:00

Today's event: Client holiday party

Today started out bright and early (4:30am!) with me waking up to finish documenting my hours for the month. Argh. Luckily, I was done by 6am and promptly jumped back into bed to get some more sleep. I had a 10am meeting up north, which means I get to get up about a half hour later than normal. . .MUCH needed!

Also, as a result, I was home to see Meredith Baxter come out on the Today Show. Honestly, I love celeb gossip and stuff as much as the next girl, but why is that news? What's especially sad is that she felt like she had to announce it because a tabloid was going to out her. Again, I'm a huge Family Ties fan, but I can't imagine that if that was the cover story on Star or US Weekly or whatever that it would fly off the shelves (and I am doubly the target audience). Good for her for realizing what makes her happy, and owning the story, as they say.

Onto today's event! We had a client holiday party at R Bar (or Arrrr Barrrr, as we were calling it at work). The drive featured Lady Gaga and the event had some yummy sliders, lots of club soda, and grifters at the bar asking Mananya and me about the event. The joke about this holiday party is that every year, it always snows on whatever day we have it. Today was supposed to be our first snow of the year, but instead it rained. Bullet=dodged.

Sha na na na.

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright (T-21 days)

2009-12-01T23:15:00.005-06:00

Today's event: Pam's Going Away Drinks #2

I had planned to get up at 5:30, do a little yoga with my pal Tony Horton, shower, and skip along to work. What happened? I slept. whee! Sorry Ton'.

So, I work in the middle of an area that lots of promoters like to hawk their stuff. One day, my (now former) coworker Pam was grabbing lunch across the street, and these guys were like "Hey, hold this and take a picture for ESPN." She does it, and it turns out they were making her hold a Maalox t-shirt. While cleaning out her desk, she offers it to me and I gladly accept. So instead of advertising my love of neutralizing heartburn, I decided to have our whole office sign it for her. mwahahaha. Everybody deserves a fun going away present!

Finished up work a little later than everyone else, so I headed over to Kerryman late. This bar is gorgeous. I really should go there more. Anyway, the club soda thing went out the window. . .luckily I'm a super slow drinker, so I nursed my Hoegaarden for about 2 hours. Realized that my hours are due tomorrow and that I left that documents I need at work, so I had to head back there (btw, super creepy when nobody is around!) and then jump on the bus to come back. Still working on them. . .and may wakeup early to get them done. Awesome.

Mix and Mingle with the Jinglin' Beat (T-22 days)

2009-11-30T21:26:00.006-06:00

Today's event: Pam's Going Away Drinks #1

First day back at work, and everything is moving a little more slowly. My body, my brain, everything. Did you ever notice though, that on the first day back from a vacation, people are kind of in a crappy mood. It's like "Yeah, none of us really want to be here today. We want to be in our jammies, watching football, eating cold stuffing, but that's not in the cards."

I also caught myself fantasizing about sweet potato casserole today. To the point where I was contemplating making it and wondering how long it lasts. Goddamn it's delicious though. So I can relate to not being over that it's not Thanksgiving anymore. Let's just be nice to each other though, k?

As part of my coworker Pam's sendoff, we're going to all of her favorite eating establishments. Today: Wow Bao. They have this amazing Thai Herb Broth. So tasty. That and banana bao, and we have ourselves a meal.

Anyway, today's event was the first of two going away parties for Pam. We spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out where to go as well as Mananya and I trying to determine if the new Whole Foods is within an acceptable range so that we could get some kombucha, wine, beer, and samples! (it's not).

We ended up going to Reagle Beagle (based on the bar from Three's Company). It's really red and kitschy in there. Since all these holiday events add up, I'm trying not to drink very much, so I don't end up 800 lbs. So, club soda, you and me will be friends. The waitress kinda kicked ass at refilling it and then didn't charge us. Pretty awesome.

Crappy blackberry pic of Mananya and Pam. See how red it is in there?

Countdown to Xmas break - T-minus 24

2009-11-29T10:06:00.003-06:00

Hi blog readers!

I was just reminded that I haven't posted since um. . .September? eesh.

Ok, so to recap the fall TV preview (and stuff I never got around to posting. . .):

-Great! Modern Family
-Want to love it, but can't get into it: V
-Better than I thought: Cougartown
-Gonners: The Beautiful Life

Now begins the annual Countdown to Xmas break (which for me starts Dec 22). As a reminder, we have client parties, holiday parties, birthday parties, xmas shopping, and a show to write (premiering at Donny's Skybox Jan 23 - come see it!).

This year, I may also stalk the holiday train on the El. I kinda love it. Or just take the train a lot and hope that I catch it one of these days. It's almost better when it's a surprise.

Anyway, on the agenda for today -
-P90x (screw you, Thanksgiving)
-Xmas shopping! Possibly braving Mich Ave. . .girl needs some boots.
-Writing session

Let's go. . .together, we can make it through this nutty holiday season. Feel free to post comments about the things you have to go to too. I'll bet there will be calamari!

FALL TV REVIEW: The Good Wife

2009-09-27T12:59:00.019-05:00

Name of Show: The Good Wife
Network: CBS
Day: Tuesday
Time: 10pm EST/9pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!

Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alicia Florrick - wife of politician
Will - head guy at law firm
Diane (Christine Baranski!) - head lady at law firm
Peter Florrick (Chris Noth) - politician
Kalinda Sharmo - in-house investigator at law firm, fired in previous job by Peter, 25 years old
Matton - met Alicia at department office party
Judge Richard Cuesta - honorable, residing
Jackie - mother-in-law. likes telling granddaughter she's fast
Cary Agos - douchebag associate

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! argh!

Basic premise: State's attorney got caught with hookers and the wife has to rebuild her wife. . .by becoming a lawyer.

Pilot plot:
Starts with the scene that has been in all the commercials - Chris Noth as a politician apologizing for his affair. His wife stands teary-eyed by his side and backstage, slaps him on the face. haha. He refuses to give interviews to the Tribune and Channel 2. . .which is funny because this show airs on channel 2. hmmm.

Then, we fast foward 6 months and see his wife, Alicia, starting her first day of work at a law firm. It turns out she's in the wrong conference room and sprints up the spiral stairs (oooh dizzy), only to be assigned to head up pro bono work. ouch.

Christine Baranski, as Diane, fills her in on the case she'll be picking up, some chick named Jennifer Lewis who was tried for killing her ex-husband and making it look like a car jacking. Last trial had a hung jury, so Alicia needs to make sure that doesn't happen again. Oh, and she has to go to court starting this afternoon. Today is the day! Diane also kindly brings up that Alicia brings with her prominent baggage, then gestures toward a picture with her standing next to Hillary Clinton and says "If she can do it, you can." Um. . .thanks?

Alicia walks into some guy's office and he's watching a You Tube video of Peter's apology speech. klassy. Some douchebag associate condescends his way through a conversation with her, while ogling assistants' asses and making chauvinistic comments. Let's hope that guy gets what's coming to him at some point this season.

Alicia goes to her office and waiting for her is an investigator named Kalinda, whose purpose seems to be to bring up how she was fired by Peter and that she's 25 (me: "yeah, plus 10.").

While heading into court, Alicia's daughter calls and nonchalantly asks if the hookers dad was sleeping with were teenagers because she heard something at school but didn't know if it was true or not. cute.

First day in court! Judge doesn't like Alicia's husband, Jennifer isn't happy that she has new representation, but the judge lets her out of jail as long as she wears an ankle bracelet. I hear they're all the rage.

Alicia and Kalinda meet with Jennifer to have her recount the story and Kalinda eyes all the physical signs. Alicia tries to get the nice-assed assistant to bring in some water, but she's too busy helping Cary (the douchebag associate). Alicia shoots a look that says "Thanks a lot, skank."
Jennifer and Alicia talk about moving forward, and Alicia tells her to put on nice makeup and clothes and read a book. . .fiction if possible. hmm. interesting advice. Kalinda warns her that she'll burnout fast if she relates to all the clients. Thanks, girl with 3 years experience.

Alicia heads out ot interview the jurors from the original trial, and things don't look so good. Basically, she learns that the vote was 11-1 (why are there even numbers on juries?) and there was one lone holdout. The rest wanted it to be over, so they changed their votes so that the jury would be hung and they could go. She visits Juror #9 who is a crazy cat lady (although those cats were cute!) and she says that she held out because she liked Diane and "just had a gut feeling." Not exactly helpful when trying to get a new jury to go your way.

She bumps into Will, and asks about some douchebag comment Cary made about the "best man" winning. Apparently people weren't supposed to know, but there's only one associate position open, so they decided to hire 2 people for six months and then give the job to the best person. BUT, he's glad the pro bono case is going well. um. . .shit.

Alicia visits Peter in jail, and they talk about paperwork stuff. He tells her that he remembers the Jennifer Lewis case and that there's a rumor that some evidence or testimony is buried. He also says he's innocent of abuse of office charges (hmm. . .abuse of office charges. . .Chicago. . .so familiar!)

Alicia and Kalinda visit the warehouse area and Alicia notices there should be another page to the crime lab report. They also figure out that even though the warehouse tapes don't support the crime, maybe they were mislabeled. Since boobs are better than subpoenas (her words, not mine), Kalinda works her "magic" with the warehouse guy. Alicia decides to suck up to the office assistant whom he berates. We don't know yet which tactic got them further, but I'm rooting for boobs! Yay boobs!

Back at home, mom-in-law Jackie tells Alicia to forgive Peter because he's hurting. She tells her to eat shit and die (not really, but in different words).

Back in court, the second wife testifies and Alicia can't say anything without being objected to. She does manage to bring up the possible hiding of evidence, and in chambers (thanks Law and Order for helping with my lingo!), the prosecution accuses her of being fed evidence from Peter (true, but harsh!). The judge demands that they find the missing evidene, but warns Alicia that IF she did get her info from Peter, she's walking a very fine ethical line.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Can she win this case? Will the judge find out the truth that she was fed info from Peter?

Alicia is in Diane's office getting reprimanded by her and will for changing strategies and not updating management. They decide that because she was married to a state's attorney and lived in Highland Park (oooh, appropriate Chicagoland reference!), that she doesn't think she's a junior associate. They decide to move Cary to first chair.

Kalinda talked to/agreed to drinks with some guy at the police and she found out the missing evidence is some dog hair that doesn't match. Alicia takes home the warehouse video and some plastic bag flying around. . .which apparently is proof?

Back in court, she shows warehouse videos from the day before, day of, and day after the murder. The plastic bag flies around at the same time in all the tapes. Security guard guy admits to being lazy and just duplicating the tapes for the days he doesn't do the rounds Another profession disparaged in a fall pilot. Sorry security guards!

Alicia is chatting with Will in her office about the case, apparently they were old law school friends. Alicia thinks Wife 2 may not have been happy with the ex-husband having dinner with Jennifer. . .possible suspect?

New state's attorney tells Alicia that Peter is using her. She tells him he's a scumbag for releasing the sex tape to the press. . .but more nicely.

Back in court, Alicia links Wife 2 to dog racing lotion chemicals found at the scene as well as greyhound dog hairs and her brother who works at the racetrack. Objections were made, but the damage is done!

At bar, Kalinda asks her her why she stood by Peter. Basically, she was blindsided. . .and that's all the reason she gives. Erm. . .ok. Phone rings and jury's in!

Alicia and the DA gather in chambers. The judge informs them that the cops are pursuing a case against Wife 1 and the brother and the state's attorney has decided to drop this case. Yay! Victory!

Will brings by wine and tells her she's 2nd chair in a civil case. I guess that's good? She then listens to a message from Peter as a slideshow of family pics plays on her computer monitor. His lawyers think they can overturn his case. She seems notsohappy about this news.

Until next week!

Reaction: When I first saw commercials for this show I thought "Awesome! That's such a good idea!" mainly because politicians keep cheating on their wives and the story seems to be more about the wife's reaction. I am a little surprised that the story is about the wife moving forward and less about the scandal. . .and I'm a little disappointed that it's basically a law/crime show with the B plot about the politican's affair. I do like that this episode was less backstory and more actual story. . .but does this network need another crime show?

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes

Hey look! It's _Christine Baranski_________ from __Cybill_____

Don't f-with me!

1st Fall Casualty

2009-09-27T12:58:00.002-05:00

We have our first cancellation of the season! R.I.P. The Beautiful Life. It didn't make it to episode 3.

FALL TV REVIEW: the forgotten

2009-09-23T20:17:00.006-05:00

Name of Show: the forgotten
Network: ABC
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaamaaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Chicago!
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Alex (Christian Slater) - fighter guy, ex-cop. kinda talks like Jack Nicholson
Det. Russell - cop chick
Highway Jane - dead, 5'7", 18-22, 110 lbs.
Tyler Davies- sentenced to community service, artist, sarcastic, dropped out of med school
Lindsay Drake - runs the forgotten network. . .or hosts them
Candace - works somewhere with cubes
Jessica - goth chick witness, lives on Kedzie
"Sister Mary Margaret" - other goth chick witness
Clay - ex-boyfriend
Quint - scary bouncer guy
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
X Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Facebook/Twitter awkward reference?: No! I'm shocked!

Basic premise:
People try to find out the identities of unidentified bodies

Pilot plot:
Show opens with title cards. Reading? booooo. We learn that there are over 40,000 unidentified bodies a year. Yeah, I know. I've seen the commercials.

A dead chick does a voiceover (from Heaven presumably?) lamenting that she's dead and doesn't have a name.

Cue the montage of people being called about the next project, all secret society style.
Alex is boxing
Some woman (Lindsay?) is teaching at school
Candace is so over a work party
Walter is fixing some phone lines

They all gather at a pretty nice house and Tyler arrives fresh from a community service sentence. We learn that it's the Midwest Headquarters for the Forgotten Network (or maybe the forgotten network, given their penchant for e.e. cummings-style capitalization). Since he's new, it gives them an excuse to explain the backstory of the organization. Basically, they try to figure out the identities of unidentified bodies. Yeah. . .got that from the title cards, thanks. Oh, and they have 5 days to figure out who she is - and no playing Whodunit? (by Milton Bradley), just give the chick a name, y'all!

Meanwhile, Tyler tries to sneak out. Alex gets him to stay by bragging about how great they are. . .and being within make out distance of his face. Since Tyler was assigned the job of sculpting the dead girl's (Highway Jane) face, he thinks it's weird, but relents.

Cut to a sculpting montage. . .he has a bust laying around (is that normal?) and starts making it look like Yoda (or so it appears), then puts it in some kind of mold, pops it out, puts in eyeballs (ewww!!) and voila! Dead girl resurrected! And I'm with Tyler on this one. . .it is kinda weird.

Alex and Walter go to the site where the body was discovered, and Walter asks why they're there. Alex: "Why, I'm glad you asked, Walter! This will be me an opportunity to lay some sweet backstory on you." ok, he didn't really say that, but basically we get the "A life ended here, we owe it to her to find out who she is." Yeah, ok, we get it, you're like super important.

Walter goes to nearby gas station to charm the attendant into letting him post flyers and maybe giving him some info. I'm beginning to think that Walter is a little bit of the black sheep of the Forgotten Network. As he exits the truck, we see a pic of what I think is him with Dennis Franz. awww.

Attendant will not let him post flyers and won't answer questions, he's a charmer! Walter takes pics of him (but he's behind glass - won't it be all flash?) and leaves. Attendant seems unphased by the whole situation. Day in the life, I guess.

Meanwhile, Candace ids store where Highway Jane probably bought nail polish. . .it's all Gothy, after all. Voiceover from Highway Jane to let us know they're on the right track. Kinda like the henchman vignettes from Carmen Sandiego, when you chose the correct city. . .but less entertaining. Maybe they'll increase in violence as they get closer to figuring out who she is.

We also learn that she bought her blouse on Ashland! Alex: "Ashland is West Loop, right?" uh. . .and a lot of other neighborhoods. Aren't you people supposed to be from Chicago? Nobody from
Chicago would ever say that. Walter tacks up his prize of a photo of the gas attendant - and it does have a flash spot! but you can still see his face.

Tyler and Candace go to a goth bar to hand out flyers of their pic of the sculpture. They're asked if they're cops and then are asked to leave. A couple girls claim they know Highway Jane and that her name is Vivian. They call Alex to come, but the bouncer eyes them angrily (that guy is everywhere!)

Alex arrives and we find out that the bouncer's name is Quint and that he used to date Vivian. They got into a huge fight at a Sharpener show according to the Goth girls. We learn Vivian was a CTA rider, so they promptly go to look at CTA security camera footage. Apparently she rode the blue line.

Montage of flyer handing out and interviews with people. (lots of exterior shots of Chicago and me trying to figure out where they are. they went pretty far, since there was a Pace bus stop by one of the locations). Checking off blue highlighted buildings on a satellite google map. Figured out she's a waitress. Last name! Simmons! Montage successful!

They figure out where she lived, and visit her apt the popo take over (and some sexual tension between Det. Russell and Alex. . .?). The gang meet Clay who used to date her. They eye him and take camera phone pics. He suggests talking to Quint who used to date her. Him again!!

They figure out her parents' address in Evanston and go to break the bad news, but his Vivian Simmons is very much alive and very much in the house!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Wrong Vivian Simmons! We're back at square one. Why did we think they could figure out the whole identity in the first act?

Time to Rehash what we know (and what they learned during the commercial break):
The real Vivian Simmons lost her purse at the Art Institute and Highway Jane stole her identity. The wall now features Quint's headshot - they ARE resourceful!

Alex and Det. Russell go to the med school to get Clay's info and they amazingly divulge a lot. Basically, they we learn he was kicked out of med school. They run into a student outside who informs them that he stole drugs from the lab and dealt them, and that's why he's not-so-Hippocratic.

Elsewhere in Chicago, Quint is walking menacingly down the street with his fo'ty in a brown paper bag. Walter follows him - Quint spies him, gets mad and punches him. . .then threatens to kill Walter. Noooo! No hurting Walter! He's gonna lose his job soon anyway, since nobody has landlines anymore.

Det. Russell and Alex go to pay a visit to Clay and Clay runs. . .Alex chases him down and impersonates a police officer. . .I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that. Clay claims Highway Jane was never involved in the drugs.

Everybody is Rehashing what they know when Tyler figures out that Highway Jane's tattoo is a pitchfork. They then think that her high school mascot was a devil (kind of a jump, eh?) and find the blue devils in Dubuque, Iowa. Btw, DePaul's mascot is the Blue Demon. Close, and only in Lincoln Park!

Name! Tracy Benedict. Old principal remembers her. Alex tells the mom and the sister. . .or doesn't. . .she kinda figures it out. Mom Backstories and lets us know that the dad died a year and a half ago from cancer and that Tracy and he were close. She was getting the tattoo when Mom pulled her out to let her know the dad died. As they leave, the younger sister gives them a log of whenever somebody would call the house and hangup. Probably will come in handy!

Alex stops some woman who Tracy was seen fighting with in Chicago - turns out she's the drama teacher from the high school. Was in Chicago and just ran into Tracy and told her to come home. Obvi Tracy listened.

Back to the call log - the last number matches some numbers on a bag they found at the scene. They call it and it's Jessica! One of the Goth chicks. Aww man, somebody is getting a visit from the Forgotten Network (I thought this wasn't a whodunit?)

Jessica slips up and lets them know that she does know that her name is Tracy. The VO informs us that Jessica was her good friend and showed her the ropes. She wanted to go home and bought a ticket. She told Jessica the truth, who then totally freaked out. Tracy went to get stuff out the back of the car and Tracy hit her in the head with a crowbar.

Uh. . .so why would Jessica admit that she knew her? Why wouldn't she just be like "nope. sorry?" And why no fake nun name like her friend. Jessica, you're not so smart.

The gang attend the funeral and we learn that Alex's daughter was 8 years old and kidnapped two years ago, so that's why he does this. Oooh! Story arc!

Reaction:
Interesting premise, but a little too much reviewing the facts for me. I just hope future episodes don't harp so much on why they do what they do and why it's so important. We get it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, ABC doesn't really have a crime procedural, so probably!

Hey look! It's ___Christian Slater_______ from __why can't I think of anything else he's been in?_____

what else have I been in? help her out!

FALL TV REVIEW: Accidentally On Purpose

2009-09-21T21:28:00.009-05:00

Name of Show: Accidentally On Purpose
Network: CBS
Day: Monday
Time: 8:30pm EST/7:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: San Francisco (yet, the signs for commercial real estate in the establishing shot have NYC area codes. . .hmmmmm. . .)
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Olivia - Blonde scottish chick
James - (Grant Show) Jenna's boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?), big-wig at the paper
Billie -(Jenna Elfman) - film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph
Abby - Jenna Elfman's sister, flighty, married, red head
Zack - wants to open his own restaurant, baby daddy

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
X Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Billie gets pregnant with a guy she met at a bar. . .and now gets to deal with the consequences!

Pilot plot:

Billie works as a film critic at the San Francisco Telegraph and had just broken up with some big wig there, when he took her to Paris and didn't propose (but he did have marzipan! not even chocolate! boo! She and her Scottish (. . .?) friend Olivia are at a company party when the ex (James) shows up with Kate Moss (who is above doing a cameo on a pilot. . .or they didn't have the budget to book her).

She bolts the party and gets drinks nearby with her girlfriends. A group of 20-somethings asks her to settle a bet (which, in my cyncial way, I think is a setup to a joke about cougars. . .but it's not!) and she ends up dancing with the cutest one, Zach. . .right next to the bar.

They're hitting it off, and then he hits all of us over the head with his, oft-used, I'm guessing, pickup line: "I'm running out of charming, I think I have more back in my apartment. . .and some ravioli" ick. And she goes!!! Hope she likes the smell of herpes in the morning.

We see Zach's apartment, which is college chic, complete with a futon that Billie spends the night on. She wakes up, leaves post-it on his head (Sex and the City reference. . yawn) and leaves. . .only to walk into the losers from last night. She distracts them with a Grand Theft Auto reference and then promptly meets the girls for brunch.

She has another rendezvous with Zach. . .which we're led to believe happens a lot. . .which leads to the girls helping her with a pregnancy test. . .and it's positive. uh oh!

Her friends suggest that perhaps part of her got pregnant on purpose and wanted a baby, so she decides to keep it. . .then laments misusing her boytoy (aww sad). She figures that she has to tell him about the baby, which she decides to do in an alley behind the restaurant where he works. klassy. He decides to be involved because dad walked out on him, he was a sad boy, blah blah blah. She gives him an out, but he insists . . .and even offers to drive her to the doctor. Why is this character so nice? How long will it last? When can we hear more cheesy pickup lines?

Zach picks up Billie in a 16-passenger van, and mentions that he was just crashing at David's and now sleeps in the van. "Hmmm. . ." I think, "I'll bet she offers to let him stay with her." And after a scene where he compares a sonogram to "robot porn", I was right.

He shows up at the apartment with a friend in tow, asking what things in the apartment are called (seriously, he's probably 23. . .has it been that long since he lived in a house?). Charmingly, the friend says "Damn, I gotta knock me up a cougar." And there it is. Cougar reference #1 for the series.

Billie assures her friends that she's just helping him out, and the boytoy/cougar thing is ending because she's setting boundaries. . .until he's naked in her bed.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Billie wants to keep Zach at arm's length. . .and he wants to do it all the time.

Pickle solved! She sets her boundaries and kicks him out of bed. phew!

Back at work, she rehashes with Olivia who lets her know she's made lots of bad decisions. Thanks 'Liv!
James approaches her about living together, but doesn't get the concept (this show does not like men so much). Zach shows up with lunch and mentions the baby. James loses it! Zach and James have a multi-generational fight and James accuses Billie of using a pregnancy as a desperate cry for help. Throw around some Facebook references to remind us that this show takes place in 2009, and fight is over.

Billie returns home to Zach's lovely friends. They've made themselves at home. . .except for using the shower. . .they clearly haven't done that. She goes to put away groceries and the fridge door broke off. She goes nuts and yells at Zach and they both agree that he needs to go pack up his stuff. She storms to get there first and finds that he turned his room into a nursery. . .awwww. They make up. . .without a lot of chemistry. . .and she lets the friends stay to hang out.

She's laying in bed talking to him through the wall, he's sleeping on the floor, comments on how romantic it is and she informs him that she's not sleeping with him. Oh Zach. . .always trying. We conclude with talk of breakfast and an "I love you" that was more related to the food than the man.

Reaction:
Cute show - and a rather modern concept. I'm not sure where there is to go beyond her getting annoyed with how he lives, dealing with the fact they're in different places in their lives, dealing with James' lingering feelings, and of course, dealing with the baby. Not bad though!

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Dancing with the Stars
Added to schedule?: No
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, Gary Unmarried got renewed on this network. . .so probably

Hey look! It's ______Dharma____ from ____that show I never watched!___

I'm so quirky!

2009 Emmy Predictions

2009-09-20T14:04:00.026-05:00

Just under the wire! Getting in who I think will win. Agree? Disagree? Comment below and sound off!

Best Series, Drama: Mad Men
Why: This show has been picking up momentum since it first aired. I don't watch it (but have Season 1 on my Netflix. . .calm down!), but everything I've heard about it is amazing, and this last season was full of game-changers and drama (I think). I'd like to see Lost win. . .but I don't think that will happen this year

ugh! we're so mad!!

Best Series, Comedy: 30 Rock
Why: This show is so well-respected, A-listers are waiting in line to guest star. This season also saw the secondary characters getting used more. . .unless the Emmy voters got as sick of Jane Krakowski's character singing in every episode as I did (although the Jenna Jopler plotline was hilarious!)

case in point

Best Actor, Drama: Jon Hamm
Why: Don't remember if he won last year, but from what I've heard, his Don Draper is amazing. I haven only seen one of the other shows on the list, so this isn't the most informed decision. . .

"Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh-oh-oh?"

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin
Why: This season, we saw more layers to Jack Doneghy, played with exuberance yet not getting melodramatic - the comedy always strongly in tact. I think it'll go to him. . . and hopefully he'll thank the writers.

"Never follow a hippie to a second location"

Best Actress, Drama: Elisabeth Moss
Why: Are we seeing a trend here? Most of the other actresses in this category have already won, and given that she's a fairly fresh face, a good actress, and on an immensely popular show, I think she'll win.

Not a mad man.

Best Actress, Comedy: Tina Fey
Why: She's a Chicago comedy alum, I can't not root for her. She's also a genius. . .and she's won before, so hopefully she'll take home another one!

"I want to go to there."

Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Michael Emerson!!!!!
Why: He's deserved this award for years. He manages to play a character who is simultaneously creepy, sympathetic, and always up to something. . .yet nobody knows what. The subtelty with which he's able to convey all of his character's many layers and consistently deliver a convincing performance has more than earned him this award.

he even looks creepy!

Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Chandra Wilson
Why: Again, haven't seen many of the performances in this category, but I love love LOVE Chandra Wilson and the acting chops that she brings to the show. Sandra Oh also had some great material on Grey's this season, but I have to root for my girl Chandra. On a show that has recently often alternated between goofy and melodramatic, Chandra is always able to show her character's reality without overacting the role.

there's a heart of gold inside all that sassy

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy: Neil Patrick Harris
Why: Well, they thought so much of him, they asked him to host the show. Such a hard choice between all of these actors, but even though I'm not a regular watcher of HIMYM, whenever I've seen in, he's always impressive. . .sleazy, yet you can see why this group would remain his friend. I hope Tracy Morgan gets one soon though :)

"I totally pwned the Tonys!"

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jane Krakowski
Why: Ok, as much as the constant singing was cloying, I did enjoy her plotline this season, and her ability to sell it. Kristin Chenoweth may get the "Your show was canceled too soon" vote, however.

look! no singing!

Best Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
Why: It's the only show that has ever won this category. . .and for good reason. If you can pull off a fast-paced race around the world, you can pull off any reality show.

Cast me!

Best Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program: Jeff Probst
Why: Unlike the competition, Jeff Probst has the added responsibility of interviewing the contestants to get to the core of what's going on and asking the questions we're all thinking. He contributes to the intrigue of the show, which is something I can't really say about the roles of the other hosts in the category. And the dude has to live in less-than-ideal conditions while he's working.

will extinguish your torch.

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series: The Colbert Report
Why: Still the funniest show on tv. . .

Good chance. . .no aging musicians are nominated this year

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series: Ernest Borgnine
Why: He appeared on the finale of populr, long-running series. His character was so full of heart. . .he'd be hard to overlook.

almost makes you forget that "pulling the pork" comment. ewww.

Best Guest Acrtress in a Drama Series: Ellen Burstyn
Why: She was Stabler's mother who ended up having the same psychological disorder as her granddaughter. She brought out a different side of Elliot, and a strong performance.

categories that test my memory. . .

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Justin Timberlake
Why: Whenever he's on SNL, he's hilarious. Honestly, I don't remember exactly what he did this year, but he rarely misses. Beau Bridges was in a very sweet ep of DH, but funny? Not really.

make-your-own Kanye joke here.

Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Tina Fey
Why: Her Sarah Palin was not only spot-on, but was the funniest thing on the show this year.

gonna get all mavericky

Have fun!! Feel free to comment with your own predictions. . .or reactions

FALL TV REVIEW: Community

2009-09-18T22:41:00.007-05:00

Name of Show: Community
Network: NBC
Day: Thursday
Time: 9:30pm EST/8:30pm CST
Genre: Comedy
Length: 30 minutes
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting:
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Abed - high-strung guy who talks really really fast
Jeff Winger (joel mchale!) - sleazy guy, former lawyer
Britta - 28, hot girl from spanish
Ian Duncan - British Dean. may have been on The Daily Show. . looks familiar
Pierce Walthorn - Toastmaster, makes award-winning moist towelettes
Shirley - needs a babysitter
Annie - young, high-strung girl, known as "Annie Aderol" in high school
Troy - the "wonderboy", quarterback and prom king

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
- Funny fat guy
- Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Jeff, who has finally been caught in his lies, is forced to attend community college. . .and find a community of his own.

Pilot plot:
The DVR cut off the first minute of the show, but from what I can tell, some guy is speaking to new class about people who attend community college. . .describing the misfits who they'll be surrounded with. The one class I took at one was just full of people who didn't want to take bio at their school.

Jeff, the slick guy (Joel McHale!!) and Abed, a fast talking young guy (almost too fast. . .) are talking about the girl from Jeff's Spanish class. Abed knows a scary amount of information about her, and Jeff takes in as much as possible. All you need to know? She's scared for the upcoming Spanish class. I thought this was Day 1. . .it sure moves fast for community college.

Jeff visits his old friend, Dr. Ian Duncan (the Dean!) and asks for help on all his upcoming tests. He's only in community college because he had faked a law degree and now needs a real degree. We basically learn that Jeff and the truth have a mostly off-again relationship.

It's lunchtime! In the cafeteria, we see Britta frantically studying for Spanish. I didn't know that community colleges have high school cafeterias. . .but apparently this one does. See? I'm already participating in the spirit of lifelong learning. Jeff tries to hit on her and she'll have none of it, so he makes up a Spanish study group piecing together all the spanish words he knows. She actually knows even less, so she's impressed enough to attend. Throw in a Touched by an Angel and "Seinfield" "Actually, it's Seinfeld" reference, and we have ourselves a scene!

Britta actually shows up to the study group and Jeff learns that she dropped out of high school to impress Radiohead and that she values honesty so much that she won't speak to someone who's dishonest with her. He decides to bail now given his aforementioned relationship with the truth. She admires that he's honest about his dishonesty and all of a sudden he's in. . .until Abed arrives. He tries to get him to leave by sending texts, but Abed is clueless and reads them out loud to Britta. Not really giving community college students the best name. . .

Duncan, meanwhile sends a text with all the wrong acronyms, which Jeff decodes to mean that he should go outside. He gets Duncan to give him the test answers. . . .I still don't know how. Impressive.

He returns to the study group and there are people there thanks to clueless Abed. He's kinda screwed, so he runs out. . .right into Britta! He asks her out. . .I still don't know how. . .and she agrees. . .right after they do some studying.

They have their Breakfast Club moment of learning about each other and then quote some 80s movies. . .and it devolves into fighting. Jeff gets a call to meet Duncan in the parking lot and gets the test answers. Duncan wants Jeff's car in return. . .and Jeff gets to drive the smart car. "gets to" is actually a strong statement for how Jeff feels about it.

Britta is pissed about how the study group is going. Jeff tries to get her to see that they're untutorable and she should go to dinner with him, but instead she sees through his whole ploy to get into los pantalones. Yet. . .she agrees to dinner.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Jeff's study group is a sham and Britta thinks he's a shallow jerk.

Jeff takes control of the study group and gives them a lecture about how people can find the good in people except themselves. Asks them to forgive each other and then empowers them to become a community.

Britta still won't go to dinner with him, so he offers everyone the test answers, which no one takes him up on. He gets fed up, leaves, opens the packet and then sees that it's a bunch of blank papers. He busts into Duncan's office who admits that he's trying to teach him a lesson. . .oh, and and Duncan is going keep the car. . .to continue the lesson. Booyah.

He sits outside to mope and is slowly joined by each member of the study group who each receive a good piece of advice from him and invite him back to study with them. awww.

Reaction:
It's been a long day, and I'm a bit tired, but this is a fast-paced show. The dialogue moves, and there were some words I couldn't understand, let alone process. So. . .hopefully the speech slows down a little bit. Jeff isn't really all that likeable, yet you like him. Deep down, there's some redeemable value, and I'm sure it'll be a fun season trying to see it. It didn't make me laugh out loud (I'm a tough audience), but it was definitely different and enjoyable.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Grey's Anatomy and Project Runway
Added to schedule?: Yes. . .because I can record the later airing of PR
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: yep!

FALL TV REVIEW: The Beautiful Life: TBL

2009-09-17T22:02:00.014-05:00

Name of Show: The Beautiful Life: TBL
Network: CW
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: NYC
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Sonia Stone - mischa! popping smarties, coming back from a hiatus of modeling
Cole - Snarky gay guy who calls 'em as he sees 'em
Marissa - British model. . .self-sure borderline bitchy
Raina - newby blonde
Chris Andrews - from Iowa, waitress advocate
Claudia - Agent. . .maybe Elle MacPherson?
Simon - Agent guy. . .likes his boy toys
Isaac - kid face of Polo 10 years ago
Libby Andrews - Chris' precocious little sister
Alex - Raina's brother
Vivienne - some kinda big shot producer
Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise: Models living in NYC. . .just trying to stay relevant, really.

Pilot plot:
We open at a Zac Posen show at Fashion Week in NYC. I wonder if their tent is near the Project Runway tent. . .some bitchy British model tells the newbie blonde that there are lots of celebrities out there. . .don't be nervous! (but she totally wants her to eat it on the runway. bitch!) New girl rocks it. Zac Posen appears as himself. Emmy! Some chick mentions that there's a problem and they need Sonia. uh. . .ok.

Cut to Sonia (Mischa Barton!) in a cab talking about the weather (yawn. . .) and barely making it. Apparently she's returning to modeling after a six month hiatus. Remember when Marissa and Summer walked in a fashion show in The OC? That's all I'm thinking about at this moment. . .and how Mischa kinda doesn't look like that anymore. . .

Back to backstage at the Zac Posen show and we see snippets of everybody gossiping about everyone else. What I don't see is the frantic mess that ANTM makes runways shows look like. These people are calm and sipping cocktails.

Some DJ is on the radio talking about how it's Fashion Week and careers will be made here. Also, no reservations for 10 blocks from Bryant Park. We then see a farmer dad (he mentioned taking two harvests to pay for vacation. Stereotype alert! Most farmers actually are pretty well off. . .) buying lunch at a restaurant by bryant park. Apparently he had an "in" at the diner. . .or one can assume. His son admonishes him for not leaving enough of a tip, so he sneaks back in to slip her some more money and then yells at some guy who is yelling for the waitress. Well, turns out that guy is a modeling agent who tells him he's interested. . .in him as a model. . .and maybe piece of ass. I smell a Johnny Bravo situation, y'all!

Back at the calm Zac Posen show, Sonia has shown up and doesn't fit in the key Zac Posen dress (ok. . .answers my Mischa Barton post-OC size question), but guess who does? Raina (the new girl). Ohhhhh Sonia is soooo pissed. Raina owns the runway and twirls in confetti or something. Pretty!

Guess where they are? NYC! And it's all fashiony!

Marissa and Raina are waiting in the agent's lobby. The other models stare angrily in their direction. Good Advice Marissa tells Raina, "Get used to every model hating you, you're in your moment." Um. . .thanks Mariss. Raina heads upstairs and bumps into Chris (literally! papers everywhere!) at the agency. love connection! Side note: Sonia now rolls her eyes every time she sees Raina.
Turns out at the agency, they're trying to cast someone in the new versace dress. The number one pick is Marissa. . .but something tells me it won't stay that way for long.
(seriously, no pressure)Chris and Raina are looking at the window, which is an opportune time for Chris to compare his town to the size of the people walking on the sidewalk.She then fixes his clothes for the go-see (a term you would know if you watched ANTM, airing before TBL). Simon (the agent) comes to get Raina and Chris. He tells Raina to act confident b/c she's the next big thing. He takes Chris to Claudia (the big shot agent) who asks for some shots. Simon doesn't feel the need to tell her he found Chris in a restaurant, instead he lets him stand there feeling like an ass. Isn't fashion great? His only advice is for him to take his shirt and pants off. Chris, a little stunned, does it. Claudia is so not impressed. ouch.

Outside of the office, Simon gives Chris a photographer's address to go to so he can have a portfolio. . .or whatever it's called in modeling. Raina escorts
Chris to the photographer, who asks him what music he likes and plays Sweet Home Alabama. ugh. I like the song, but Iowa is not Alabama. I can tell you that Iowans have access to non-country music thanks to the magic of iTunes.

Chris treats the photoshoot like he's getting his senior pic taken. The photographer has on his "I hate the midwest" exasperated face, when Raina steps in just in time and puts on some sexytime music. She whispers to him about the shower to get him to take a good pic, and he then just looks relaxed. . .which apparently is what they're looking for? Hey, if Tyra has taught me anything it's 1) Smile with your eyes and 2) Modeling is haaaaard! oh and 3) When in doubt, talk about Tyra. We'll see how this Iowan whippersnapper does!

Ooh! Another photoshoot! A model's life is so busy! This time they're bloody chess pieces. Lady models are yelling at guy models for copping feels. Oh modeling. . .

Isaac who was the "kid face of Polo" 10 years ago is trying to get whatever work he can. Unfortunately for him, that doesn't include sleeping with some British producer lady (seriously, does someone on this show have a vendetta against people from the UK?), so she tells him she'll let his agent know she doesn't have any work for him. Ouch. Come to think of it though, she probably doesn't have many opportunities to hit on models. . .who sleep with women.
Raina takes Chris back to the model house (wait, those exist? I thought it was just a reality show thing to have all the drama in one place) and the Andrews family comes to pick up Chris. . .or so they think. Turns out Chris is staying to fill the awkward male model niche and Dad is not happy (as expected). Mom slips him some money and little Libby says something no 10 year old from Iowa would be savvy enough to know (I actually think a 10 year old from NYC wouldn't know either. . .) and they're off to the airport!

Chris goes around the guy floor trying to find a roommate, and instead he finds a druggie and a guy who likes his single room (Cole). Cole does not seem surprised that Simon sent Chris and refers to him as one of "Simon's boys". You can literally see the red flags going off inside Chris' head. He calls Simon to straighten things out, and instead gets an invite to stay on the guest bed. He reluctantly agrees (seriously? doesn't the model house have a couch he can crash on?)

Raina returns to her room and her brother, Alex, is sitting on the bed. He's come to get her because Dad is getting out of jail soon and won't be happy his daughter is tarting it up for the cameras. Raina, on the precipice of worldwide fortune and fame, as it's been well established thus far, informs him that she's staying. Alex is unhappy and tells some sob story about Mom still setting a table for her. She doesn't care. And she is kinda scared about Dad getting out of the slammer.

Act 1 Break Pickle: Chris figured out Simon wants his bootay, and he's nonetoohappy to have Simon's house as his only option for a bed to crash. Raina's family wants her home because dad is getting out of jail and will be pissed she's modeling.

It's time for the Covet Modeling Agency (heh.) anniversary party! It's super glam. . Chris shows up all fancy and Johnny Cashy, dressed in black. Claudia shipped a dress to Raina for her to wear, and while Raina and Marissa chat, Claudia grabs Marissa's drink and tells her know she can't drink when she's working. boo hoo. She also tells her she has the Versace shoot. ooh oob!

Uh oh! Sonia shows up in the Versace dress in an attempt to steal the job. Franco is impressed and invites her to "reminsce". I hope they're going somewhere with a photo album!

In the boy corner of the party, we learn that Isaac got an eviction notice from the agency. Apparently he hasn't booked anything in a while. . .yeah, we learned that earlier. But that still sucks.

Claudia is chatting up Brendan Carr, creative director at GQ. Apparently we need to know this info. Hmm. . .perhaps Chris will book a job with them? Just maybe?

Cole tells Chris he's on a date, which doesn't go over well. This bites him in the ass when he's talking to the GQ guy (I knew it!) and Simon his all handsy, which he objects to in front of Brendan (never a good move). Chris throws a drink at Simon, who gets mad and takes some pig farmer pot shots, then Chris throws a punch! That's how we do things in the midwest! (ok, not really). As he's being escorted out by security, GQ hires him.

Sonia has left the sentimental rendezvous with Franco in disgust, and Raina follows her into the bathroom to make sure she's ok. Sonia lets us know that Franco is a lifelong dirtbag. Hey, at least he's consistent! Due to the not-so-subtle baby wallpaper on Sonia's phone, we learn the hiatus was due to motherhood. Sonia scares Raina into thinking that she'll turn into her. Raina promptly goes to Franco to try to get the Versace job. . .with her chach.

Franco hits on Raina(of course!) and she videotapes it on her iPhone (product placement!). She informs him that she's 16 (really?) and that she'll show it to her dad. Which means nothing, because Franco doesn't know he's a criminal!

Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to get music played. The DJ and him throw around the word "spin" at lot (so much jargon on this show!). He's told to "try a wedding". He then decides whoring himself out is the best option and promptly goes to kiss Vivienne (seems to be a trend on these new fall shows. . .)

Marissa makes out with the drug dealer guy and tells him to take her home before she sobers up. Drug dealer guy gets arrested the minute he steps outside the party. Apparently some chick who approached him wasn't a model. Should open a bed for Chris!

Sonia returns home to stare at pictures of her from her heyday, which she throws some flowers (from "R") at. So much anger!

Chris crashing on a windowseat in the model house (why don't they have a couch?), which he doesn't mind, since he's going home tomorrow. He has a heart-to-heart with Raina about whether or not he or anyone are cut out for this business. Ugh! Why does Simon keep calling? (he's trying to let you know about your GQ booking!). Raina lets Chris sleep on her floor. awww.

Reaction:
This show, I think, is trying to make me appreciate what models go through. . .and it does not succeed. It's fun to see into that world, but the characters have so much going on that I spend most of the show worrying about them. And I keep feeling like there are appearances by people I should know. . .if only I knew fashiony people.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Glee and Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: probably not

Hey! It's _Marissa_______ from __The O.C._______ !

what do you mean I died in a car crash?

FALL TV REVIEW: The Vampire Diaries

2009-09-14T21:49:00.024-05:00

Name of Show: The Vampire Diaries
Network: CW
Day: Thursday
Time: 8pm EST/7pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: Mystic Falls
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Darrin Malloy: 90s hair, died
Brooke Fenton: Blonde, died (and also dyed. . .?)
Aunt Jenna: Thought she was in high school when I first saw her, she's actually writing thesis, so close enough.
Elena Gilbert: Girl whose parents died.
Bonnie: Psychic girl, flighty
Matt: Sulking jock guy, used to date Elena, Vicki's brother
Caroline: Blonde, fake concern for Elena, sorta like Patty Simcox in Grease
Vicki: Takes drugs, bad girl, Matt's sister
Jeremy: Elena's brother, deals drugs to/sleeps with Vicki
Stefan Salvatore: Hot new guy. . .a tad bit creepy. Vants to suck your blood
Tyler: Vicki's bf. douchebag with funny insults
Zach: Related to Stefan/Damon somehow
Damon: Stefan's trouble-making brother

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
- Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
X Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise: Vampires are gonna wreak havok in Mystic Falls, while nice girl Elena is just trying to move on from her parents' death.

Pilot plot:

We start in a foggy wood and I expect the creepy swingset from Are You Afraid of the Dark to be nearby. A voiceover from what I assume to be a vampire about how this is his story. bookay.

We then see a car with a hot blonde and a dude with a weird 90s haircut and they hit some guy all I Know What You Did Last Summer-like. I'm beginning to think this is one of those movies that just mocks a genre (like Scary Movie or Dance Movie), but then remember that it's capitalizing on the whole Twilight thing. . .so we should only see a few more movie ripoffs. Anyway, Darrin (ooh! they actually said his name!) runs to check on their roadkill (who has a spiffy Jostens class ring) and promptly gets bit all vampire style. He then gets flung onto the hood of the car. The chick runs off, but she's as good as dead, really.

In a less foggy setting, we cut to a teenager writing in her diary (what? vampires and diaries in the first 5 minutes. You've given me no reason to keep watching, show!). Apparently her parents died but she doesn't want to be the "sad" girl at school. Yeah, nobody likes when you're a downer about both of your parents being killed. . .that's a fast track to the geek table at lunch. Good move, As-Yet-Unnamed girl.

She moseys downstairs and greets her Aunt Jenna and emo brother. We see behind her photos of the vampire food couple from the first scene. So it's confirmed the chick died too. . .told you so!

First day of school! They, of course, attend a school that is 3 stories, about 3 houses wide and looks like the school from the Simpsons. Like every TV/Movie high school, everyone hangs out front before school starts. WTF? They live in Mystic Falls (where the most popular restaurant is Mystic Pizza, natch). I'm surprised any of them have straight hair, given the amount of fog in that town. Some chick who thinks she's psychic drives Elena to school and almost hits someone. . .purely for our benefit, because we get to learn that both of Elena's parents died in a car crash. Thanks Backstory Scene!

In the hallways of MFHS, we have the usual cast of characters. . .bubbly student council president-type who feigns concern over Elena's misfortune. . .a combo of Patty Simcox from Grease and Amber from The O.C. Jock who used to date Elena and now hides behind his iPod and throws steely stares toward her. The brother is out back dealing drugs to some hard-living chick (who's supposed to be passing for 18? really? I'll bet she was the ring leader with the whole cast flashing people thing.) Best line of the night was her bf calling the brother "Pete Wentz" before he attacked Vicki's face with his tongue.

Meanwhile, some guy is talking the secretary into letting him attend school. He pulls the vampire version of a Jedi mind trick and the girls all fall over each other just to look at him. After all, it's not every day you have some 25 year old attending your high school. Elena misses this slobberfest, however, because she busted into the mens' bathroom to yell at her brother for doing drugs. He denies it, but the Visene doesn't lie. She storms out and runs head-on into the new hot guy. They do the wayyyy too choreographed "You go." "No, you go" "Oops! we're both going the same way!" dance and she heads off to first period.

First day of school and the teacher is already yammering on about colonial Virginia. So boring! Good thing they can text each other! New hot guy is totes staring at Elena. eeee!!!

Elena, like you do in high school, walks home through the cemetery. She plops down by her parents' graves and starts writing in her diary. A crow shows up and she schmacts (e.g. badly acts) her way through being annoyed with the bird. Suddenly a Bar Mitzvah breaks out and there's fog everywhere (but no glow sticks? booooo!!) she runs away, and falls and wouldn't you know that hot (now somewhat creepy) guy from school is there. She shows her wound and he gets a vampire boner (and flashes his Jostens class ring) and tells her to leave. Oh, and apparently his name is Stefan. A name one might have in say. . . .Transylvania. . . .?

We return from commercial and Stefan is writing in his diary (ah, another diary. . .hence it's not named The Vampire Diary) and admits that he lost control today. He also has Elena's diary sitting next to him. Creep. Store.

Cut to all of the kids hanging out at a more rustic version of The Maxx (oh please be named Mystic Pizza. . .please???) and we learn that there are very few people to choose from in this town. Basically, Vicki deflowered Jeremy and is the jock guy's sister who used to date Elena (who is Jeremy's sister). There's some kind of ick factor there. . .

The blonde chick enters with the as-yet-unnamed flighty friend and Backstories Stefan for us. He just moved to town, lives with his uncle. . . .etc. Blonde chick has set a wedding date for Stefan and her. um. . .ok.

Elena is getting spiffied up to go to Mystic Pizza, opens the door and Stefan is there. He hands her her diary and she invites him out. They hang with the girls and he Backstories himself (so why did we need that previous scene?). They let him know about some party and he'll only go if Elena is there (awww. . .no wait. creepy.) We also learn that Stefan's parents are both dead, so Elena is officially smitten.

Back at the set of Count Flloyd's Scary Stories, someone who looks like Bradley Cooper but calls him "Uncle Stefan" holds up the paper claiming an animal attacked our lovely couple from the opening but he knows it was Stefan! He asks Stefan why he's back after all these years, and Stefan feels like he has nowhere to go. He then goes to ogle a portrait of Katherine from 1864. . .who looks a lot like Elena!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Stefan is from 150 years ago! And Boone from Lost was not in ANY of Act 1? WTF?

Act 2 begins in history class. The teacher, who's clearly bitter, calls everyone by their stereotype and expects the worst from them. Yay for another glowing review of our educational system! When Elena doesn't know the answer to his question, he lets her know that the dead parents pity party ended with summer vacation, missy! Teacher of the Year right here. Behind him on a chalkboard is written "Battle of Willow Creek - 1865". Hey! That's one year before that picture of Katherine was taken. Perhaps she died in that battle? Stefan knows about the battle (because he lived through it) and corrects Mr. Tanner's facts. Suck on that a-hole!

Shot of the falls! They're so mystic!

It's time for the party! Here are the key events:

Psychic friend (Bonnie!) really is psychic
Vicki is a whore but doesn't want to be, gets attacked by a vampire
Stefan gets hit on by blonde chick (Caroline!) and rejects her
Elena and Jeremy find Vicki
Jock Guy (Matt!) professes his undying love to Elena
Stefan not-so-subtly backs away when a bloody Vicki is carried into the crowd. And Matt totally notices!

Stefan runs home, tells Zach (his nephew. . .uncle. . . I'm confused. . .) that someone else was attacked but he didn't do it. A crow flies in and we see Damon, his brother (yay! Boone!)

Damon does a little Rehashing for us and lets us know that it's been 15 years since they've "done this". He laments 90s fashions and in what's probably the most ironic line of the night says,
"Remember Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads." hahahaha.

A vampire fight ensues over Damon needling Stefan over Katherine and Elena and Damon steals his Jostens ring, which is apparently some big deal.

Time to start wrapping things up!

Bonnie feels it's just the beginning (duh! it's a pilot!)
Caroline is pissed that she doesn't get the guy and Elena always does. Bitch is gonna make trouble!
Vicki in hospital looking damn good, I must say. Matt is by her side.
Elena writing in diary.
Stefan writing in diary. (The Vampire DiarieS. . .must have more than 1 at all times!)
Jeremy cries over parents' pic with Aunt Jenna watching
Caroline hits on Damon
Damon is totally the one biting people

Stefan watching Elena from the yard and they talk about whether or not they're ok. weak!

Reaction:
this. show. is. trying. SO. hard. Admittedly, I have not participated in this Twilight phenomenon, so I don't know how closely this show resembles those books, but I can speak to the fact that it's ripped off almost every teen movie cliche. It's like "Here are things we think young people like. . .put them all in the pilot!" No twitter/facebook references though, so thank goodness for small blessings. I'm assuming it will do while you're waiting for the next Twilight movie to come out. And Boone totally looks weird on this show. . .I can't place it. I'm sure the tweeners/teens will eat it up though, so it probably has about 3 seasons in it.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Parks and Recreation and Grey's Anatomy
Added to schedule?: nope
Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Yes, it's a freaking vampire show.

Hey! It's _Boone_______ from __Lost_______ !

I guess his eyes were freaky back then!

Reality TV desconstructed

2009-09-09T23:14:00.004-05:00

On a rare non-premiere day (btw, did you watch Glee? go! watch it now!), I decided to do my own deconstruction, much like Mike on Top Chef this week: Reality TV. You'll never watch it the same way again.

1) The first person to do a confessional interview is either eliminated or wins something. Seriously. DVR Project Runway, Top Chef, Survivor, Top Model, Apprentice. . .any of those. Watch the ep, then watch the first 5 minutes. 9 times out of 10, this will be the case.

2) "Wow, we're learning a lot about so-and-so today." Um. . .they're doomed. . .or will be soon. You won't learn about the people who win until later, most likely. Because they're talented. . .and boring.

3) This person's brother/mom/cousin/long lost bff from grade school is on the show too?! They're either kicked of first or go really far. The producers will milk that gimmick for all it's worth until you're as sick of hearing about it as you were of hearing Michael scream "Waaalllltttt!" into the woods all through Season 2 of Lost.

4) The entertaining people will make it to the middle. . .probably saved once by producer intervention (again, use that handy DVR and watch the credits. . .there's usually a disclaimer about producers having a say in who goes), then they're kicked off before the real competition begins. Do NOT get attached!

5) None of these rules apply to Big Brother. . .which means you can get stuck with some pretty boring people by the end.

6) The likeable people with the hero edit don't always win. . . .sometimes it's the people you've been rooting against all season who hang on like cockraoches. See: Freddy and Kendra from Amazing Race, Helen from Biggest Loser, Richard Hatch from Survivor, Piers from Celebrity Apprentice.

7) By the time the next season starts, you won't remember who won the previous season. . .nor care.

Fall TV Review: Melrose Place

2009-09-08T21:46:00.015-05:00

Name of Show: Melrose Place
Network: CW
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Draaaamaaa
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot

Setting: LA
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Dr. Lauren Yung: Doctor who wears too much makeup
Sydney: Coked out actress who drinks too much, dies in pool
David Breck: Spiky-haried "blonde" who feels like he has to save Sydney
Riley Richmond: teacher who's dating quirky guy
Jonah Miller: Quirky guy who's a filmmaker, 25 years old
Ella Simms: Insensitive blonde, I believe an agent or something
Auggie Kirkpatrick: Nice guy, chef
Violet Richmond (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz): New girl to MP
Dr. Michael Mancini: David's dad, drives a nice car

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
- Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
X Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
- Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get
- Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
X Cougar
- Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise:
Everybody lives in the same apartment complex and live sordid sordid lives. Oh, and we don't know who killed Sydney!

Pilot plot:
We open in a swanky bar to David making out with some chick and getting a text to come help someone. After checking with his brahs (bros), talking to some people about what a train wreck Sydney is and calling some doctor (or club girl who threw on some scrubs and snuck into a hospital, judging from the caked-on makeup) and learning about the signs of alcohol poisoning that everyone knows, he runs home (to MELROSE PLACE) to find Sydney perfectly lucid! Ugh! A twist already! She was on the original show, I think (I've seen it like twice) and complains about how she doesn't have a family.

Cut to Riley and her bf whose name I didn't catch because Riley speaks a mile a minute. He's all Seth Coheney and complains about no green clovers in his Lucky Charms (wait, people notice when marshmallows are missing? Usually I'm like "oooh! marshmallow! ew. cereal. oooh! marshamallow!"). She whines about it being their anniversary, which he blows off. . .or so he wants you to think! He plays some video in which they're pretending to have fun and like each other (and how convenient the camera was there to capture your spontaneous pillow fight!). It ends with him proposing, which might be compelling if I didn't feel like I was watching some scene in an acting class where both students are hungover.

Splatsh! Sydney's bloody body is face down in the MP pool! Everybody is torn up, especially Ashlee Simpson-Wentz who found her. She gets consoled by Auggie. She'll be ok. Ella doesn't really care that Sydney is dead, yet nobody suspects her. . .but everybody suspects David! Speaking of, he's at the popo being asked about her death.

Dr. Yung is being super nice to an older patient lady, then learns that her dad got laid off awhile ago and can't pay her tuition. He feels really bad. So does she, because she'll have to leave school if she doesn't pay tuition by the end of the month.

Back to Riley and quirky guy (yawn. . .). She can't decide whether or not to accept his prosal. Mr. Quirky (still didn't get his name. . .) is sad.

Ella gives David a fake alibi and quite enjoys telling everyone that he was with her that night. Yet, we get to see her thoughts and she's remembering killing Sydney. . .well, arguing with her mostly. . .but we can deduce what happened later. Sydney was pissed about something and evicted Ella. . .or tried to.

Back in the real world, David's dad shows up (who also may have been on the original show. . .he looks familiar). . .he's also driving Mercedes' version of the Delorean.

In Most Obvious Backstory Dialogue Ever David says "Why didn't you tell me you used to live there, dad?" Then talks about how Sydney went after him to get back at the dad. . .blah blah blah. . .Dad kicks him out of the car into some homeless people.

Jonah and Ella are filming some 18 year old's party, she's hitting on him all vixen-like, then tries to talk him out of his engagement.

Dr. Yung gets asked out by older patient lady's son.

Back at Dr. Yung's apt, she rehashes everything we know about her to Riley (in case you just tuned in, I guess. . .?)

Jonah tries to get the huge director whose daughter's party he's taping to view his student film. Ella said it would be no problem! Director is insulted. Ella kinda really sucks.

More rehashing: David rehashes to Auggie. Auggie knows his alibi is bogus (oooh. . .potential problem?) and David fears he blacked out and did it. Auggie knows that didn't happen (maybe he saw the same flashback we did?)

Riley confides in Dr. Yung that she fears that Jonah may be too immature to marry because he still plays with legos (ooh. . .then there's no hope for my brother. . .)

Jonah is asked to photograph the gifts because they're in an 18 and happens to get the big director man on tape hooking up with a teen. ruh roh!

Act 1 Break Pickle: Jonah could possibly get his ass kicked. Oh, and Sydney is still dead and nobody has been arrested.

David's dad is in the car, gets a call from his wife about his little son (Noah) and then flashes back to a visit from Sydney where she talks about not sleeping with David anymore. Then she threatens to tell his wife about them. . . .she's awesome too.

We see Dr. Yung on her date with the guy from the hospital, and he propositions her. She says that she doesn't do that on a first date, and he tells her that there won't be a second date because he's going back to NYC. He admits that he saw the fax and offers to pay off her tuition (which is only $5k. . .what kind of med school is this?) if she'll sleep with him. She storms off. I really hope we don't see her go back on her decision .. .but something tells me she will!

Back at the skeezy director's house, he offers Jonah $25k for his student video and a gig directing a movie (oops. . .maybe he's a producer) if he gives him the tape of him snogging the teen.

Lauren (Dr. Yung) returns home and Violet blathers on about how $5k is a lot of money and by not taking him up on his offer she didn't get the guy or the money. (uh. . .what?) She also talks about how they're nice girls and they don't have fun. Then, I assume she goes back to creepily wandering around the pool.

Jonah returns home and rehashes to Riley. Basically, we find out that he ended up not taking up that producer on his offer because he doesn't want to start his career that way. Riley finally agrees to marry him. (it makes me wonder what would have happened if he hadn't had an epic moral struggle to help her make up her damn mind).

They all gather to toast to Sydney and Jonah (dressed in some outfit that seriously needs lederhosen) announces his engagement. Violet looks around all creepily as Jonah hugs people. David propositions Ella. . .she says no. Violet asks out Auggie. . .he says no. Then, we see a montage of what people do when they get home (p.s. David steals paintings from museums to auction them off!). Ella is a lesbian, and surprise! Dr. Yung whores her self out for tuition money. Also surprise! Auggie has Sydney's bloody clothes!! wha?? Even I didn't see that one coming.

Reaction: None of the characters are likeable. The ones who are supposed to be are just kind of annoying. Jonah is maybe the closest to being likeable. As the show went on, we saw more dimension to these characters, so I think the future episodes should be interesting. And how can they be swimming in that pool after a dead body was floating in it? Yuck!!!

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Big Brother (until next week), Biggest Loser (after next week) and 18 Kids and Counting (I just revealed WAY too much about myself)
Added to schedule?: nope

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Eh, probably. 90210 was.

Hey! It's _Ashlee Simpson-Wentz________ from _Seventh Heaven________ !

with her old face!

FALL TV REVIEW: Glee

2009-09-06T21:25:00.018-05:00

Name of Show: Glee
Network: Fox
Day: Wednesday
Time: 9pm EST/8pm CST
Genre: Sitcom
Length: 1 hour
Episode Watched: Pilot: Director's Cut

Setting: Ohio!
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Ken Tanaka: Bitter teacher, football coach, into Emma
Will Schuester: Spanish Teacher, youngish, wants to take over the Glee club
Emma Pillsbury: Hot new teacher, germaphobe, guidance counselor
Figgins: Principal, cares about the bottom line
Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch): Cheerleading coach, hard core
Mercedes Jones: Kinda like JHud in high school
Kurt Hummel: gay teen, gets beat up by jocks. good singer. . .maybe a soprano?
Tina Cohen-Chang: Emo Asian chick
Artie Abrams: Wheelchair kid, nerdy
Rachel Berry: Nerdy girl. . .but cuter than any other nerdy girl you've ever seen. Think Tracy Flick. Has 2 gay dads. . .think Logan from Spelling Bee. People randomly throw drinks on her.
Terri Schuester: Will's wife, kind of a bitch. . .a selfish bitch.
Finn Hudson: Quarterback of the football team, sings well, not exactly bright, still doing the fauxhawk thing
Quinn Fabray: Finn's gf, cheerleader, president of the celibacy club (why do all TV schools have a celibacy club?)

Stereotypes:
- Grumpy Old Man
X Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
-Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
X Emo Teen
- Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
- Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
- Hot blonde

Basic premise:
Will was on the William McKinley High School glee club and wants to return it to his former glory. . .and all the other kids just want to find a place where they belong.

Pilot plot:
At William McKinley School, the Cheerios run campus life. They're the cheerleading team, and they're on Fox Sports. Oh! They're also coached by Jane Lynch. yay!

We learn that the old glee club coach was fired for being inappropriate with a student and so Will, the Spanish teacher, volunteers to coach them. He's told by the principal that until they have the kind of profile the Cheerios have, he'll have to pay $60/month to keep them going.

He holds auditions for "New Directions" (say it out loud. . .) and gets quite the motley crue. We learn that Rachel Berry is the most talented but isn't happy with the screwballs she's been cast with. All she cares about it being famous and does webcammy MySpace stuff (not THAT kind. . .) and the Cheerios post mean things about her. She's sick of being ridiculed and threatens to quit if Will doesn't recruit cool kids.

He tells his wife about needing to work late to run detention (which he agreed to do to keep glee club alive), during her shift at Sheets N' Things and she bitches about having to work part time (where she berates her coworkers for not knowing how to fold fitted sheets. I'd never make it there.) He runs into the old music teacher who gives him the medical marijuana he sells. . .oh old coworkers. Always willing to help you out.

Will talks to the other teachers and learns he needs to get some cool kids to join. He talks to the football team to get one of them, and none of them agree to sign up. He then hears one of the jocks singing in the shower and plants the medical marijuana on him. He basically extorts him into joining the glee club (like any good educator would do).

They rehearse with the jock guy and shock! They're kinda good! JHud is NOT happy about singing backup (hmm. . .sounds familiar. . .)

Act 1 Break Pickle: Will's trying to bring glee club back to its former glory and nobody believes in him!

He talks to his wife about wanting to take the kids to a field trip DOWN to AKRON (ok, they have to be near Cleveland. . .) to see another glee club. She bitches about finances and apparently is squandering their money on shit from Pottery Barn. She's a treat. She also reminds him that they'll never return to their glory days of Cheerio and Golden Boy (on the glee club!), so he needs to grow up and get a job as an accountant (teacher isn't a grown up job?).

Meanwhile, we learn that Finn learned to love singing when some lawn fertilizer guy (who may have also tried to fertilize his mom) played music and had him sing along.

They go on the field trip, which Emma volunteers to help chaperone, and Will confides a little bit of his marital troubles in her over some PB&J. Emma has a wild crush on Mr. Will (and while weird, isn't an uber bitch like his wife). The other glee club is crazy good singing Rehab and they all realize they have their work cut out for them.

Back at school, Ken is pissed that his qb is in New Directions (say it out loud) and even more pissed that Emma won't go on a date with him. One of the jock assholes hears him yelling at Finn about being in glee club, and tries to get Finn to admit it. Finn lies, but the jock thinks something may be up (ya think?).

Will arrives home to a "congrats!" banner and his wife gives him the news that she's pregnant! He looks sorta notsoexcited about the news. He decides to quit his teaching job and become and accountant.

The jockboys confront Finn with paintballs (ouch! those hurt!) and then, when he tells them he quit New Directions (say it out loud) to let him back in their club, they lock the wheelchair kid from glee club in the port-o-potty (side note: saw one today named Oui Oui. haha), and they offer to let him have the first roll. He thinks this is horrible and lets the kid out. He also gives the Moral Backbone of the Show Speech and tells them that they're all losers because only half of the kids from the school go to college and only two will go out of state (hey! Ohio actually has some decent in-state schools. . .) and that he's going to do the only thing that has made him happy in his whole life. (does it bug anyone else when teenagers make sweeping statements like that?).

The New Directions (say it out loud) kids decide to take matters into their own hands once they learn that Will is leaving WMHS and take over glee club, each taking a different responsibility.

Emma, meanwhile, has dug up archive footage (which we don't actually get to see) of Will in glee club in '93, right before they won nationals and comments about how happy he looks. She talks him into staying and showing his future baby that happiness isn't money but following your passions.

New Directions (have you said it out loud yet?) is practicing their new number: Don't Stop Believing (coincidentally they're wearing the same costumes we had in high school dance class when we did a number to Ragtime. . .a musical which featured. . .Lea Michele who plays Rachel. Full circle, folks!) it's amazing and Will comes in to see them. He's impressed and lets them know that he's staying and to take it from the top! awww.

Reaction: This show has that quirky feel, reminiscent of the movie Election. The characters are more likable though, and it will be interesting to see how they find themselves by joining something that nobody in the school seems to want to exist. You kinda know the season will end with them winning states or nationals or something. . .but that's ok. The musical numbers keep it fun and interesting. . .although I think this show could do better as a 30 minute show, rather than 60. I've been following Lea Michele's Broadway career for some time, so it's great to see her on this show, especially since she'll be singing! Matthew Morrison (Will) is also a Broadway alum, and had a small role in one of my favorite RomComs - Music & Lyrics! It will be a fun, breezy addition to my tv sched - can't wait for it to come back!

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Law and Order SVU
Added to schedule?: um, i don't think a show has been more up my alley.

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: Well, technically it premiered late last Spring, and given the following it already has, I think it will be around for a while.

Hey! It's _Lea Michele________ from _the replacement cast of Les Miz I saw on Broadway in 1996!________ !

closer to the age of her glee character than she is now. . .

It's time!!

2009-09-06T21:10:00.006-05:00

The time has come. Labor Day is upon us, which means, come Tuesday - the Fall Premieres start!

What can you expect this week?

1) Melrose Place

That sans serif font means it'll be edgy!

2) Glee (ok, technically it premiered last spring, so I'll blog the actual pilot. . .and you can choose to watch as you so desire. . .)

the L is like the loser L. heh.

3) The Vampire Diaries

ooh! Twilightey

4) Robin Hood (on BBCA. . .not sure if I get this channel, but if I do - I'll review it!)

ok, sorry, but this is so much better than the actual logo. Hunks of Sherwood Forest? Really?

Hope you're excited to get started!

TEST RUN REVIEW: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

2009-09-01T22:06:00.007-05:00

Yet another Test Run Review before the fall season officially starts. Also, as a reminder, I'm taking suggestions for shows to watch. If I can find the pilot, I'll test run review it. Thanks!

Name of Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Network: CBS (or Hulu)
Day: Saturday
Time: Not sure. . .
Genre: Sitcom
Length: 30 minutes
Year: 1979
Who was born on that day: Nobody famous. tear.

Setting: Minneapolis
Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Mary Richards: Fresh-eyed, 30 years-old, ready to start her life anew.
Bess: Phyllis's daughter. Can't get anything by her.
Phyllis: New agey mom
Rhoda Morgenstern: "That dumb awful girl" New Yorky and sa-ssy! Left New York because she couldn't find an apt (and Minneapolis was the next logical choice?)
Murray: Womanizery, so over it
Lou Grant: Gruff boss man who drinks at work. . .and in general, really. Ok with breaking most EEOC rules.
Bill: Ex-boyfriend
Locksmith: Takes his job seriously and will not allow Rhoda to get away with breaking into Mary's apt.
Ted Baxter: Newscaster, dumb, narcissistic

Stereotypes:
X Grumpy Old Man
-Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
-Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
-Emo Teen
X Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
- Fallen star taking what work they can get
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
- High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
- Cougar
X Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise:
Mary Richards has just broken up with her near-fiancee of 2 years. She's moved to Minneapolis and is ready to take the world on with her smile.

Pilot plot:
Mary moves to Minneapolis fresh off her breakup with Bill, a doctor who she helped see through med school. She moves into an apt above Phyllis, but Rhoda thinks it's rightfully hers. We learn that Rhoda is all New Yorky and will lie, cheat, and steal to get what she thinks she deserves. She tells Mary she put in new carpeting, and she totally didn't. The nerve! There's also a whole thing about not calling people "aunt" who aren't your aunt. . .thanks Bess.

Mary goes to interview for a secretarial job (like women do. . .) at a local news station, and after Mr. Grant offers her some liquor (again, like you do), asks lots of personal questions about why she's single and what her religion is, he hires her on as an assistant producer. He is impressed by where she lives, since it's home to some of his favorite saloons (side note: the establishing shot of Mary's apt building doesn't appear to be in the Wild Wild West, but I could have missed it. . .). And, of course, we learn that he hates spunk.

Everything is going so well!

At her new job, we meet Ted Baxter, who can't pronounce Chicago correctly. . .and might have an IQ slightly higher than Forrest Gump. We also meet Murray who likes the ladies but is pretty much over everything else. The dude tells it like it is AND his desk is right next to Mary's. If only someone was around to show this little lady the cold ways of the newsroom. . .

Act 1 Break Pickle: She's just set up her new life in Minneapolis and her ex is about to visit!

Returning to Mary's apt, we see her getting ready for doctor-man's visit. She unbuttons some buttons on her blouse (does thinking about MTM cleavage make anyone else gag a little?), then promptly buttons them back up (thank GOD!) as we hear a knock on the door. What do you know? It's Mr. Grant! And he's drunk! He decides he misses his wife (who's on vacation. . .where can I get that kind of wifing work?) and wants to use her typewriter to bang out a letter. Mary relents (because she's a pushover. . .which she admitted to in Act 1). Anyway, Bill then shows up with flowers, which after reading the card, Mary learns that he stole from a patient. Hey lady, that doesn't break the Hippocratic Oath or anything. . .give the guy a break. They talk things out and she realizes how bad he is at saying "I love you" (all while Mr. Grant is writing and leaving and re-entering), so she breaks up with him. Gosh darnit! She IS gonna make it on her own!

Rhoda stops by and has a locksmith unlock the door so that she can get into the apt. She overheard the whole thing and she and Mary bond over their spectrum of approaches to independence. Hey, they just may be friends after all.

Reaction: For 1970, to see a show about a woman who wants to establish her own life and isn't willing to settle for what scraps a man is willing to throw at her is pretty innovative. I've seen most of the episodes on Nick-at-Nite, and I would say that while the pilot did what it was supposed to do and established backstory and relationship, the episodes that followed were much more compelling. . .especially as we get into their working relationships (sorry, but the parts with Phyllis and Rhoda were always the most boring to me. . . .).

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): What shows air on Saturday anymore? That's the death knell for shows, but apparently that wasn't the case in 1970.

Added to schedule?: yep!

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: I predict that this show will last 7 seasons and will end with one of the most-remembered scenes of all time.

Hey! It's _Laura Petrie________ from _The Dick Van Dyke Show________ !

TEST RUN REVIEW: Charles in Charge

2009-08-31T22:31:00.013-05:00

Just a reminder that I'll be blogging/reviewing actual pilots once they start after Labor Day. These are just test runs with familiar shows. . .enjoy!

Name of Show: Charles in Charge
Network: CBS (ok. . .Hulu)
Day: Wednesday
Time: 8pm EST
Genre: Sitcom
Length: 30 minutes
Year: 1984
Who was born on that day: Ashlee Simpson

Characters (in order of mention/appearance):
Gwendolyn Pierce: hot girl, played by fake Cindy from A Very Brady Christmas
Charles: College student, just trying to be a guy, nanny
Lila Pembroke: 8th grader, brainy, desperately wants to be popular
Buddy Landbeck: Charles' sidekicky friend, nicknamed "Goon"
Alexander Morgan: 8th grader who is cool but bad at math
Stan Pembroke: Dad, cheeseball, 35 years old
Jill Pembroke: Journalist, too young to have kids that age
Douglas Pembroke: Middle kid, nerdy, wears Yoda mask at dinner, future PETA member
Jason Pembroke: youngest kid, too precocious for his own good, mouthy kid but ya love him!
Delivery guy: fakes embarassing stereotype of a chinese-american but oh! he's just as assimilated as the rest of us!

Stereotypes:
-Grumpy Old Man
-Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
-Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
-Emo Teen
-Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
X Fallen star taking what work they can get (Willie Aames!)
X Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
X High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
-Cougar
X Brainy brunette
X Precocious kid acting way too mature for their age
X Hot blonde

Basic premise:
The Pembrokes hired a college kid (Charles) and put him in "charge" of their family, which is comprised of a 13 year old girl, a nerdy middle son, and a precocious younger son. Charles must balance the desires of an early 20-something with the responsibilities of being a manny.

Pilot plot:
Charles scores a date with the hottest girl at Unnamed College! He and his buddy Buddy (wow. . .nice telegraphing there, writers) talk about where he can take the hottie Gwendolyn Pierce when we find out that Mrs. Pembroke has to work and Charles is gonna have to stay home with the kids! Meanwhile, little miss Lila has scored a hottie of her own: Alexander Morgan (oh honey, with a name like Alexander, you may be in for a shock in a few years. . .). Since she's super brainy, he wants her to tutor him in math. She thinks this is her "in" into the popular crowd (if that were true, I would have been Prom Queen). Dad isn't too keen on his only daughter having a boy over (after all, he is 35 and apparently thinks he's sterile now . . .?) and beckons Charles to break his legs if he tries anything (personally, I think his time is better spent watching Douglas and Ahlexahhhhnder. . .but hey. . .this was the 80s, I guess prime time wasn't ready for that). Gwendolyn arrives and shock! She's blonde! She and Charles get cozy while Jason hides in a closet (again, thought that would be Alexander. . .), and Charles remembers that he needs to make sure Lila and Alexander aren't getting freaky (but not really. . .let's be honest).

Act 1 Break Pickle: Trying to get some from Gwendolyn but is morally bound to watch the kids.

We come back and Alexander just really wants to learn math and not makeout with Lila (who will soon start spelling woman with a y and doing performances of the Vagina Monologues). Gwendolyn, meanwhile is upset that Charles kissed her because she's just seen as a piece of meat and nobody likes her mind. I really fail to relate to her at all. Jason has been put to work spying on Lila (so that Charles doesn't have to) and Douglas is off trying on different alien outfits and playing Atari or something (I smell some Judy from Family Matters potential). Charles overhears something suspicious from Lila's room, but it turns out it's just Alexander asking her to knock if off so they can study math. The nerve! Then, they all agree to get ice cream (how most of my days end too). Mr. and Mrs. Pembroke come back, delighted to see all the kids leave and hope they all get double-scoops. . .if you know what I mean. eeeeewwwwww.

Well-placed Hulu ad: Birth Control!

Reaction: As much as I want to relive middle school and watch Scott Baio cope with growing up, I've already seen his reality show, so no need to watch this. It clearly was a vehicle to get a popular character from Happy Days into his own show, as well as show a modern family with two working parents and how they manage. If it was premiering this year, it would have two laid-off parents trying to figure out how to pay for their kids' clothes, with grandpa living there because no one can afford a nursing home.

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!): Nothing, since it's on Hulu

Added to schedule?: Let's just say that if i saw a rerun on the guide, I wouldn't watch it. If it was 1984 and I was 14, I would.

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction: A good chance! And then syndication!

Hey! It's _Chachi________ from _Happy Days________ !

Back to School

2009-08-26T11:03:00.003-05:00

In preparation for my Fall TV Pilot Blog-o-thon, I thought I'd share the format with you. The goal is for my loyal readers (all 2 of you), to have something useful when deciding what new shows to check out. After all, crappy shows do not deserve a coveted space on your DVR schedule.

Also, to warm up (and because it's fun!), I'll be using the format to analyze pilots of old and existing TV shows (need some excuse to dust off those old DVDs!). If you have a link to a pilot of an old show that's posted online that you want me to check out, feel free to post it in the comments.

And now. . .the moment you've been waiting for. . .the 2009 Fall TV Pilot Evaluation Form.

Name of Show:
Network:
Day:
Time:
Genre:
Length:

Characters:

Stereotypes:
-Grumpy Old Man
-Sassy non-White Woman
-Funny fat guy
-Hot blonde wife of funny fat guy
-Quirky, far too self-aware early 20's guy/girl
-Emo Teen
-Guy you've seen in that one movie who always has a sarcastic comment
-Fallen star taking what work they can get
-Relatable guy/girl, soon to be tabloid fodder
-High-strung guy/girl whose buttons everyone enjoys pushing
-Cougar
(what would you add to this list?)

Basic premise:

Pilot plot:

Reaction:

Competing against in my DVR schedule (remember, only two slots!):

Added to schedule?:

Renewed for a 2nd season prediction:

Hey! It's _________ from _________ !

So. . .what else do you want to see? What will help you decide if it's worth watching?

Thanks! Can't wait! It's gonna be a busy September!

Doggin' It

2009-08-21T07:13:00.002-05:00

As part of my commitment to P90X, I have to do a workout 6 days a week. With a show on Thursday night, I've opted to have that day as my off day. So, when I have plans on Friday night, I have to get up at 5:30 to do my workout. Anybody who knows me (and don't worry blog voyeurs, you will soon. . .) knows that I am NOT a morning person. I don't even speak words for about the first half hour after I wake up. Anyway, after the show, I went to my bf's to get walked the rest of they way home and left my blackberry (read: alarm clock) at his place. So, I had to setup a comforter and sleeping bag on my floor, set my cable box to turn on at 5:23, and slept. . .poorly. The wakeup was rough. . .as was the core workout.

I did maybe 3/4 of the workout and was like "Is this worth it if I'm not at 100%?" (really, I just wanted an excuse to crawl into my comfy bed). No worries, I completed it. Tony's little comments were especially annoying when I have to wake up early to hear them. Here are some highlights:

"Tip of the day, engage. I don't mean get out and get engaged. . ." Oh, really? I thought this was a life advice video. awk-ward

"Hey banana boy!" (um. . .ew.)

"Look at that! It's Goooorrrrrrrgeous! (said like a wolf howl)

Thank goodness it's Dunkin Donuts coffee day. . .which is probably not on the P90X diet plan. Luckily I'm not following that.

Feeling Old

2009-08-17T23:16:00.004-05:00

While Tony Horton was yelling at me to deepen my stretch during today's Yoga X workout, I was thinking about how when I had to do this stuff 10 years ago, my body actually responded. Now, it's like "Ow! Hip hurts! hip HURTS! Stop it! Oh. . .you're gonna pay for this tomorrow. . .you don't even know. . ." WTF? Since when do my hips hurt? And when did I get to the age where my body doesn't respond like it used to? And why is there no pilates x? I effing hate yoga. Especially when you put your legs over your head and then wrap your arms around so it looks like all your body parts are disembodied from one another. I have time to evaluate it like that, you see, because there was no way in hell my body was doing that, so I sat on my pink mat and observed. And because it's a home workout I didn't feel like the creepy girl in yoga class.

In other news, I love reruns and I love HGTV. . .but I never thought they'd meet:

Oh cable system, nice try luring me in.

Motivation

2009-08-16T23:04:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting on my floor and my body is t-i-r-e-d. I've in Week 2 of P90x and I've worked out every day (with thursday as my rest) included getting up at 5:30am to do the dreaded Core workout the morning after a show and before I had two client meetings. Let's just say I slept very well that night.

My theory was that I would somewhat watch what I eat, but wouldn't go nuts. After all, if I wasn't working out at all before, just adding the heavy sweat-inducing, heart pumping, muscle fatiguing workouts into my life would clearly melt the pounds away, right? Notsomuch. Gained 1/2 a pound. I blame Aunt Flo, honestly. . .and hopefully this week will be more promising. We shall see!

Also, I know nobody wants to think about this right now, but we're about a month away from the Fall TV premieres and I'll be doing my usual watching the pilot (or 2nd ep. . .depending) and blogging about it. Join me, won't you?

Right now I'm enjoying my three days a week of mind goo: Big Brother. Yeah, the people are total troglodytes, but I enjoy it. We all have our vices.

Downgraded Sims 3 style

2009-08-06T11:51:00.002-05:00

In the Sims 3 game (which I'm completely obsessed with and play too much!), you can make friends and it goes from Acquaintance --> Friend --> Good Friend --> Best Friend. Just like in real life, you build the relationship by calling your friends, visiting them, hanging out with them in town. Well, if you don't talk to them for a while, the relationship is then downgraded and it says "John Doe is no longer a friend. You should try calling them once in a while to maintain the relationship."

Amazingly, I've experienced the same thing with some of my friends. Some were formerly really close friends and I see what they're doing via facebook and I'm like "wow, 1) that's an activity I would have enjoyed, which they know. and 2) I had no idea they were up to xyz." At this point, they definitely feel more like acquaintances than friends. The thing is, I have friends who I barely see or talk to, but when I do, we're able to pick right up where we left off and we genuinely care for each other.

For example, I hung out with my RA staff from college. . .many of whom I haven't seen in years and it was just like it was back in our heyday. . .joking, supporting, having a great time. And then there's Marla, my bff from high school who I can say the same joke I said 13 years ago, and she still laughs at it like it was the first time she's heard it.

It makes me wonder if the bonds with the downgraded friends were that strong to begin with, and if they can so quickly fluctuate between friend and acquaintance, if it's worth putting in the effort to keep it at "friend" status. Maybe the upgrading/downgrading is just a way for us to filter and keep only those in our lives who are truly glad to be our friend. . .and us theirs. . .no matter the distance or frequency, and not waste effort on those who are only your friend when it's convenient. . .

who would have thought this computer game where i run little fake peoples' lives would actually teach me something about my own life?

Sign o' the times

2009-07-30T12:47:00.003-05:00

First and foremost - I need to correct a URL from a previous post. The Sims 3 homelessness blog is actually aliceandkev.wordpress.com, not blogspot. It's very good, so be sure to check it out!

The other day, I got an e-mail at work about a company in our building that went bankrupt and was giving away their remaining furniture for free. "Awesome!" I thought, "Maybe I can get a desk for nothing!" A bunch of us went to the office to check it out, and I'm thinking it was one of the smaller companies in the building, but in actuality, it was a company that took up 2 (maybe 3) floors. Walking around there, we saw their old kitchens, editing rooms, meeting rooms, and offices (every person had an office! jealous!). Bizarre antler chandeliers, cool modern art, and unique wall art in each office. Then. . .while scavenging through what was left, it hit me. . .all of those offices were once filled with people. All of those people are now jobless. They once walked into their swank office for the first time, excited to work in such a vibrant place, and now. . .who knows where they are or what they're doing. As I left, I looked at the door and saw the eviction notice from the building. They owed $173k+ in rent. Wow. It made me wonder how quickly the business went under, and if the people who worked there had any idea things were so bad.

Anyway, hopefully things will get better and no more swank office will have to go empty. With weird mismatched art. . .and furniture that won't fit in my apt. damn.

Neglect

2009-07-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

This is so awkward, blog. You see. . .I've found someone else. Someone who makes my life easy and doesn't demand a lot of me. It accepts my random little thoughts and doesn't demand much more. Yes. . .I've discovered Twitter.

First, 140 characters isn't a lot! 2nd. . .I'm kinda sick of it. Do people really care that my head hurts? Or that I heart Berry Chill? (ok, Berry Chill cares that I heart Berry Chill. . .maybe Red Mango cares a little too).

Ok, so a brief update -

1) I'm in a show! Yay! It's an improvised 12-step program called The Steps. It's with Theatre Momentum (www.theatremomentum.com) at the Greenhouse Theater in Lincoln Park on Thursdays and Saturdays from Aug 13- Sept 19. Currently in rehearsals and it's been fun to meet and perform with some new people.

2) Helped some friends with their 48 hour film festival submission over the weekend. Basically, they got their theme on Friday night, wrote a script, we filmed on Saturday, they edited Sunday and turned it in that evening. It looks pretty cool, but I look like a cow, so I'm not posting a link here. Thankfully, my P90X arrived the same day I had to see myself on film.

3) P90X! My friend Marla is keeping an awesome blog about her journey with it. It's basically this 12 DVD program that you do for 90 days. It came with a nutrition book and some other book. I need to take some time to look through them. I'm sure you'll just hear me unconstructively whine about how I'm sore once I start . .she's much more articulate. Check it out at marlafaye13.blogspot.com.

4) People like lists. . .have you noticed that?

5) New apt is good! Water smells kinda weird. . .I'm considering getting a Pur filter for my tap.

6) I've been playing the Sims 3. . .a lot. . .it's fun though. I created a Gosselin family and now the kids are having kids. My goal is for them to run the town. We shall see. I'm also obsessed with finding this garden gnome that's hidden in the game. I'll post pics once I find it. Here's a cool blog about a story of homelessness as told through Sims 3: aliceandkev.blogspot.com

Aight - that's it from me! Hope you haven't missed my blabber too much. . .

Jumpers

2009-05-26T21:22:00.002-05:00

This morning, I was walking to my bus stop and noticed an ambulance and some police tape outside my building. Then, I saw a few people on the corner looking up. In my mind, this could only mean one thing. . .someone was threatening to jump. Not wanting to see this happen, I turned and went to the other bus stop. As my bus went by, the ambulance was gone and the police tape was gone. "Phew," I thought, "Someone actually talked this person into going back in." Sadly, that wasn't the case. What I was seeing was actually the aftermath of someone who had jumped early in the morning.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first jumper I've witnessed in the years I've lived in this building. The first time, I was getting my hair done, my roommate was in the suburbs and she received a call from a neighbor letting her know what had happened. I returned to our building not knowing what I would encounter. I just wanted to know what side of the building it was on, so I wouldn't have to see anything.

What people don't tell you is what goes through your mind in the days after. . .did this person jump from a higher floor and go past my window? is it someone I rode the elevator with? did laundry with? maybe I held the door open for them once, or they did that for me. Nobody tells you when you move to a big city that someone is going to jump out of your building to end their life. Then you think: what could they have been going through that they thought this was the only solution? And why did they think jumping out of the building and possibly landing on a pedestrian or being seen by some child and scarring them for life is the right answer?

As I prepare to move out of this building, I think about these times - when people in the elevator actually talk to each other, incredulous to what occurred . . . sharing what we saw or heard. I think about the people I live with or know who are struggling silently. . .and I hope they find help. And I hope I never have to hear about or see another jumper.

Have you missed me? I've missed you. . .

2009-04-27T23:03:00.002-05:00

Hello all! So much to talk about!

1) TV Show Reco: Southland. It's actually kinda good. There's a lot to follow (about 4 or so storylines per ep), but 2 of them are usually pretty compelling, which is a good enough hit rate for me. I also like to see Ben McKenzie playing a rich kid working on the wrong side of the tracks as opposed to the kid from the wrong side of the tracks living as a rich kid, which he played on The OC. He has mastered the slow seething "Don't mess with me!" turn and get up move. In all seriousness, he's a good actor. . .hopefully he'll do something that takes place somewhere other than SoCal that doesn't involve tracks for his next project.

2) When is there gonna be an OC movie? I miss it. Maybe I'll just put in my Season 1 DVDs.

3) Those of you who read the fall tv reviews may remember that I liked Priviliged. Well. . .they're rerunning it this summer. Jump on the bandwagon, the wood planks feel fine! It's a fun show. If you're a girl, there's fun girly romantic things. If you're a guy, there's lots of boob.

4) I'm on Twitter! Follow me! www.twitter.com/meauxdub. Related, I'm amazed at the people who find me who I don't know. Should I be creeped out? I'm deciding to go with it for now.

5) I'm in a show! I've finally graduated from iO, so we have a show for 8 weeks. You already missed the first one. . .jerk! Anyway, it's Sunday nights at 7 until mid-Juneish. iO Chicago. You can get tix at the door or at chicago.ioimprov.com

6) It rains every day in Chicago. Seriously. Every. F-ing. Day. At least I don't have to feel bad about taking long showers. Mother Nature pisses on me, I piss on it.*

*I don't actually pee in the shower. That's gross.

Egg Hunt Time Suck

2009-04-13T22:46:00.002-05:00

I've met someone else, blog. It's the 2009 Egg Hunt on (fluff)friends on facebook. Yes, the nerdiest possible thing I could be doing. Basically, there's an application on Facebook where you adopt a fake pet (mine is a giraffe). Every Easter, they host an "egg hunt", where you visit the pages of other "(fluff)friends" and click on a button to see if they have an egg hidden on their page. Totally lame when I explain it, but totally addicting to participate in (I found 254 eggs. Don't judge me!).

Anyway, for those of you in the Chicago area, my iO class will be putting up a show for 8 weeks, starting on April 26 at 7pm. So, come on out and watch!

I'm also starting to Twitter. . .you can follow me at www.twitter.com/meauxdub. If I figure out that I know you, I'll follow you back. Whole Foods is following me! They probably just want an even bigger chunk of my paycheck.

Also, I have three goals. One new, two old:
1) Be on Celebrity Jeopardy
2) Be on Dancing with the Stars
3) Be on Amazing Race

Two of the three require me to be famous. hmm. Also, does anybody else find it ironic that Lil Kim danced to Jailhouse Rock tonight? Although, I do credit DWTS for allowing me to realize how cute she is.

Splash of Water in my Face

2009-03-31T22:32:00.002-05:00

I have this little hobby. . .when I get bored, I go to real estate sites and look at houses. So, since I'm from the Cleveland area, I was looking at houses around where my family lives. Lo and behold, I find a listing for the house that my grandparents used to live in. They moved out about 12 years ago, and it's very odd to see pictures of it now. Of course the carpeting got replaced at some point, and they painted over some of the outdated wallpaper and whatnot (even though that paint is now peeling), but it's still weird to see it empty.

My grandparents have since passed on, and when I told my mom that I found their house listed online and one very major thing that had happened to it, she just said that they're up there laughing because that house is somebody else's problem now.

I never thought of that house as a headache. . .only a playground with laundry chutes (the most fun a kid can have), swinging saloon doors, and a HUGE backyard.

The thing that really got me was that my grandmother kept that house in impeccable shape. It was nicely decorated and had a garden that my grandfather tended, berry bushes, and a gorgeous magnolia tree out front. It's just weird to see it not tended for.

Anyway, it's just one of those things that make you see that time goes by faster than you realize. . .and gives you an excuse to think of some fun memories.

March Madness

2009-03-23T22:48:00.002-05:00

March Madness can be summed up by the following sound:

eee eee eee eee (say it squeakily)

The noise of tennis shows on wooden floors.

I filled out my bracket this year the normal way:

1) Schools I've heard of/know someone who went there
2) Schools from anywhere I've lived (wooo! Cleveland State!)
3) Seeded rankings
4) Gonzaga (they had the cutest boys when I was in college)

Surprising thing is that I'm actually doing pretty well this year. I know next to nothing about college basketball, but it's serving me well. I've also watched about 15 minutes total of the tournament so far.

I really think they could make other sports much more enjoyable if they just created brackets for them:

-Golf
-Tennis
-Bowling
-Bobsled

Who am I kidding. . .bobsled is already awesome!

In any case, go Mizzou!

How YOU doin?

2009-03-17T20:27:00.004-05:00

A comment on my blog made me realize that I need to post!

So many things going on. . .

1) I'm moving! exciting! Just within Chicago, but I forgot how fun (ha ha!!) the apt search can be.

2) Have a show coming up - 8 weeks starting at the end of April at iO 7pm on Sundays. Mark your calendars now!

Ok, that aside, can we talk about how gross St. Patrick's day food is? I'll eat corned beef once a year. once. Cabbage=farts. It smells like farts AND causes them (not in me of course, because I'm a lady). Boiled potatoes (SO many better things you can do with potatoes). BUT the best thing ever is Irish Soda Bread. yummy!

Speaking of food I'd rather not eat - I went to the Bin 36 Movies in the Loft event on Sunday (with mom. . .aww!) and they were showing Best in Show. They didn't release the menu ahead of time, which made me suspicious. There aren't many proteins I don't like (I'll even eat snails!), but of course, they manage to serve the one I don't like at all: lamb. blech. I just gagged a little bit typing that. There was an option to get the vegetarian meal. . .which featured cabbage (see: paragraph before), so I figured I would just choke down the lamb. Surprise! The lamb stew was good!! So. . .lesson learned. . .sometimes things you don't like can surprise you.

Except cabbage. There's nothing surprising about cabbage.

2,725

2009-02-24T22:40:00.003-06:00

If I had known this number, my team would have won trivia this week. So unfulfilled. The question that number is the answer to will be at the end of this blog. . .

Thanks to everybody who voted in my Lenten poll. . .the winner is. . .Facebook between 9-5. I was rooting for the high fructose corn syrup, because it would have been interesting to see what all it's in that we don't even realize, but I'm cool with the lack of FB. . .it'll probably help me be more productive!

So occasionally, I'll take up these little mini-endeavors. Right now, I've decided to listen to podcasts in the afternoon. The podcasts right now are:

-Coffee Break French (1 lesson a day. . .around 18 minutes)
-Whatever the #1 podcast is that day. . .today it was This American Life

I can do my work with the podcast on in the background, and I figured it would make me more knowledgeable about random stuff. If you have a podcast you particularly enjoy, let me know, and I'll check it out.

For now. . .here's my favorite commercial of the moment (notice an eye flies off):

And the question to the answer: How many episodes of Late Night with Conan O'Brien have there been?

Oscars and Lent Poll!

2009-02-23T22:07:00.014-06:00

Hi all,

Phew. Still recovering from last night? I know I am. The singing! The dancing! The really cheesy sets and Dead Actor Montages. . .it's almost too much. So. . .now for what everyone cares about. . .the dresses!

Miley Cyrus

Seaweed shouldn't be pale and glittery. And what's with the belt?
R for ridiculous

Marion Cotillard

It looks like on Project Runway when they run out of time and just throw some tulle on the bottom. And another belt? Argh.
P for poofy

Beyonce Knowles

She must have an anaconda who told her he don't want none. Could this dress be any more unflattering? Yes. It could have a belt.
Y for yikes

Taraji P. Henson

Fuh-nomenal. This is how it's done
A for amaaaazzzzing!

Sarah Jessica Parker

My Barbie had a dress like this. Except hers didn't have a super lame belt. ARGH!
M for Mattel

Jessica Biel

Her dress just barfed up some fabric. Too much pre-partying?
H for hungover

Sophia Loren

"I'm Chiquita Banana and I'm here to say. . ."
S for spray tan

Virginia Madsen

You can't hide it from me. . .I see it. . .a BELT!!!
A for arggghhh!!

Alicia Keys

This pic doesn't do it justice, but this dress was pretty cool. Prom makeup, notsomuch.
N for need better pic

Amanda Seyfried

Remember when you'd put your mom's dresses on from the 80's and they were slightly too big for you? It's like that. With a hideous bow.
B for bedsheets and bows

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok - and I can't decide what to give up for Lent, so I'm having another poll. Look to the left, vote on what I should give up, and I'll let you know how it goes! You can also comment with any suggestions that aren't listed, but do it soon! Lent starts on Wednesday!

Cool Sesame Street sketches

2009-02-19T21:35:00.006-06:00

First of all, I want to thank Melissa for this inspiration. She recently posted a sketch from Sesame Street, and it sparked all kinds of conversation. My comedy writing teacher who wrote for SNL and Sesame Street said that Sesame Street is funnier, hands down. They have to simultaneously educate kids, entertain kids, and entertain their parents, all while staying positive and not offending anyone. . .ever. So with that - the top Sesame Street sketches I remember from my childhood. . .and loved:

1) Eeeeeeklahoma
Kermit is directing a remake of Oklahoma and Forgetful Jones can't remember how to say the title! I really liked the cows. . .

2) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 11 12 (doo doo doo dood doo)

3) U Really Got a Hold on Me
Smokey Robinson is featured in this one. Scared the CRAP out of me as a kid.

4) New Way to Walk by the "Oinker Sisters"
I still sing this when I'm walking across the street. And those pigs were totally rad back in the day.

5) The Batty Bat
I think I liked this one a lot because my mom would laugh hysterically at it, and I'd dance on my tippy toes to make her laugh harder

6) Over Under and Through
It was just on all the time. . .

7) Teeny Little Super Guy

8) And of course: Rubber Duckie!

This post brought to you by the letter M and the number 8

Valentine's Day. . .a few days late

2009-02-16T23:00:00.003-06:00

I have to say that I've had my ups and downs with good ol' V-Day. I used to love the excuse for a party in elementary school. Everybody had to give everybody else a Valentine, so nobody felt left out. And you'd try to remember which of the conversation hearts were yummy and which tasted like dish soap.

Then in middle school came the Carnation Sale. There are many reasons for me to despise this event:
1) I was terrified of flowers
2) Nobody ever sent me any. Not even girl friends. Nobody.
3) You saw the one girl who had like a full bouquet and wanted the fear of flowers to be founded and have one turn into Audrey II and eat her.

Upper School was a bit better - I actually got some (flowers, not ass). . .still didn't like flowers though. By then I was too stuck on the fact that there was no boy to celebrate the holiday with. In college, I always managed to break up with boys right around that time, so my pledge mom Jennifer and I would take Anita (her truck) to the CPK at the mall and talk about how we were strong independent women and this is how we'd rather spend the evening anyway. Meanwhile, during XMas Break, my mom would buy me a nice outfit and would say, "Maybe this year you'll be able to wear it on a nice Valentine's Day date. . ." I just wanted the day to be over, really.

My mom is super cool about V-Day. . my brother always had a card and candy from her waiting on our placement in the morning, growing up. Sometimes even the dogs would get us a card. Somehow I enjoyed that more than all the romantic crap that was supposed to take place.

This year, with my bf and me both a bit low on cashola (and me staring down a couple grand in dental bills by the end of the week), we decided to forego the nice dinner of last year for something a little more casual - but still yummy! It was a fun evening, but not the hooplah that Valentine's Day has been built up to be.

On V-Day, I checked my mail and had 2 pink envelopes. Each of my parents had seperately sent me a card. Somehow, more than anything, that made my day. So for me, Valentine's Day isn't about cheesy gifts or exaggerated romantic gestures. It's just about simple, unconditional love. And cards with monkeys on them.

Good Times!

2009-02-11T22:18:00.003-06:00

I've had the Good Times theme running through my head every morning for the last couple of days. To refresh you:

Sorry, the version with the actual title sequence had crappy sound quality. Anyway, "temporary layoffs. . .good times!" Just went through some at work. I'm safe, but I've never been through that before. I have to say it's bizarre. . .

1) As my coworker Pam put it: "It feels like someone died." It's just quiet - by virtue of there being less people there and because the rest of us are like "Oh crap, we'd better work!"

2) Ok, so this is gonna sound bitchy, but sometimes when you don't get along with coworkers and they get laid off, you're a little less than sad. It's a karma thing. It's also that I would much rather see good, nice people keep their jobs.

3) One of my coworkers had been there a long time and really helped out a lot of us and helped make the company run. The fact that she's gone is just insane. . .and probably why the rest of us feel a little lost right now.

Anyway, the worst part is that pretty much every company is going through this right now. . .or has already.

I liken most people's take on the economy to this quote from Mean Girls:
"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."

"Middle School" of course is the equivalent to the mid 90s. . .before the tech bubble burst.

Where IS George?

2009-02-09T22:49:00.005-06:00

Have you ever wondered, "Gosh, I wonder what will happen to this $1/5/10/20/100 dollar bill when I'm done with it?" you can wonder no more. Welcome to my new nerd hobby: WheresGeorge.com. You just enter in the serial number of your bill, your zip code, a few deets (e.g. where you got it, what gross little stains are on it), and then wait for other people to enter it in too. If you're super daring, you can write something like "wheresgeorge.com" on the bill or "Track this bill at wheresgeorge.com". . .just to increase the chances of actually tracking it.

I've had 2 hits on bills I've entered and it's pretty freaking exciting. It's like when you release the balloon with the note on it in school* and then wait for someone to write you saying that they got the balloon. Wasn't that the happiest day ever?

Anyway, check it out!

*we never actually did this in my school. I had to read about it in 3-2-1 Contact Magazine.

"I was just on a stripper's ass!"

And just for old time's sake. . .

Sycophancy

2009-02-08T22:37:00.004-06:00

I've noticed a disturbing trend of late. . .and if something is not done, it will take over our nation. . .nay, our world. People are becoming incredible suck ups. I'm not good at it. . .I try not to do it, but those times when I must, it always comes off as disingenuous, so I think it's caused me to spot it in other people as well.

We all have things we want to accomplish, and there are certain people can help us accomplish those things. . .but at what point does kissing ass help? You know you're doing it. . .they know you're doing it (or if they don't, they'll realize it when you ask them for something), so who is benefiting from this? Those of you who successfully schmooze, what are your secrets? How do you stay on this side of pandering?

I'm all for giving praise and letting people know when you've heard nice things about them. . .only because we all need it, and if that's how you feel, then why keep it bottled up? BUT, I think we can all agree that there's a difference between that and saying it to get noticed.

Let me know your thoughts. Where is the line? Is it possible to get what you want without shit in your mouth and ass on your lips? I'd like to think so. . .

Also, I'm going to add a poll - if I do a live blog of the Oscars - will you read it? I think I can actually post a poll on here, so you can vote anonymously! I won't be hurt if the answer is no. . .I just want to know if it's worth my while. Thanks!

Facebooker

2009-02-02T23:48:00.002-06:00

I should have been asleep 48 minutes ago. . .yet Facebook keeps drawing me in. Damn you!

I heard a blurb on the radio about how the "ideal" number of Facebook friends is 302. So, you're a loser with 301, and an over-achiever with 303? I have about 702. . .I think, and I honestly know every single one (except Margaret Cho, but a friend suggested I be friends with her, and who am I to turn that down? I watched All-American Girl in the 90s!). People ask me how I could possibly know that many people. I've been accused of being some sort of friend-hoarder, friend whore, etc.

Here is the truth. It's not because I'm super popular or likeable. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a good nunber of my Facebook friends don't particularly like me (I'm looking at you, people who barely spoke to me in high school. . .). It's that I had something in common with them at one point. Example:

110 in my high school graduating class
100 RAs each year I was on a staff (2 years)
50 people on my freshman floor
50 residents from senior year
30ish residents from junior year
probably around 30 coworkers on FB
around 30-50 people I've met through improv or writing class

I'm already at 600 without even trying. I've also been on Facebook for like 6 years. . .when it was only certain colleges and you could put in your dorm and class info. It's easy to accumulate people over that period of time.

I have to say that I like knowing what people are up to. And not in that creepy way. Just kinda knowing that everybody who's been in my sphere at one point or another is doing well and going through the same things all of are is comforting.

Speaking of comforting, time for some lavendar pillow spray and some shut eye.

The Dildo Beach Club

2009-01-28T22:47:00.004-06:00

Top Chef fans, you know what I'm talking about. Whenever Jeff is on screen, and they show his subtitle (which features where each chef works) I always think his says "The Dildo Beach Club". The first time I saw it, I rewound the DVR just to double check. He is from South Beach, after all. Turns out, it says "The Dilido Beach Club" . . .and when I looked it up online, it's actually the "DiLido Beach Club." None of which have anything to do with dildos. I guess that explains why he didn't do more with bananas. . .

By the way, it's 71 degrees there right now. Check out their page: DiLido Beach Club

Or better yet, here's a pic:

"I want to go to there." -Liz Lemon

Clipboard People

2009-01-26T22:13:00.002-06:00

I'm sure they exist in every city, but if not, allow me to explain. Clipboard People are the people who work for Children International or Greenpeace or whatnot who look like normal pedestrians/tourists and then when you least expect it BAM!

"Excuse me, do you have a minute for the environment?"

I used to respond: "Well, uh, I guess." then after listening to the spiel, then being pressured to give a complete stranger my credit card info (I didn't, don't worry) and pretending like I was going to go home, do some more research on Greenpeace and then pay online, I vowed never to give them another "minute" of my time. I employed a strategy and now, I will share it with you.

1) Learn to spot them. Casually look ahead. They either have on hooded jacket/windbreaker things or polos. They're most definitely holding a clipboard. They are also surveying the crowd. . .perhaps talking to some unsuspecting person.

2) If you spot one, put in your headphones, call the weather hotline from your cell. . .anything to occupy your attention.

3) As you approach the Clipboard Person, try to position yourself so that there's someone between you and them. The CP will then ask that person for a minute of their time, and you'll go by unbothered. It's their fault for not looking down the sidewalk.

4) Be careful! They usually go out in packs. If you've just passed one, odds are there are more on the same block. If your decoy was not stopped by them, stay close. They may be your protection through the whole clipboard gauntlet. If they were captured, it's fine. Find someone else. Quickly. Or cross the street. . .but beware. There may be more there too.

5) If stopped, pretend like your dad works for Shell or like you don't speak English. Do not give them money. It only encourages more of this intrusive behavior.

And since I've spent a blog post bashing some decent organizations, I would like to put the links to donate to them, if you are so inclined:

Greenpeace

Children International

Liz - Bridezillas

2009-01-25T21:02:00.003-06:00

We have another request in! Yay!! The topic is: people who when they get engaged, think their weddings come before everything in your life.

I've only had a few wedding experiences in general, and most of them have been pretty positive. BUT, I've known enough guys and girls who have been in lots of weddings that there is plenty to say.

First, I'll say that a wedding is a wonderful event. It's the one time we think that these two people will defy the odds and stay together and grow old together. Your friend calls you with news about their engagement and you squeal with delight and rehash the proposal. You imagine their happy life together and how you are able to be a part of the the start of it.

Then come the demands:

1) Reserve the date. Hope it's not near anything else you wanted to do! Oh it is? Tough shit. It's my wedding and I'm a princess! Cancel your plans!

2) Bride loves outdoor pics. Bride also loves a winter wedding. It's my day, dammit! Smile until you turn blue, bitches.

3) I will force you to buy a dress. If you're lucky, it will be under $200. If not, well, I don't want you girls looking frumpy! Get a part time job! Oh, you don't like the color? Pay for a spray tan. Oh, it doesn't fit? Pay for alterations.

4) Oops! Did I mention the shoes? I need you to buy a pair and then have them dyed to match the dress. Yeah.

5) I hope none of you bitches were planning on getting pregnant this year. Because then I'm taking your dress and putting it on someone who could keep it in their pants.Ruin my wedding, why don't you!

6) You need me to pay attention to my job? Well too bad, because I have wedding planning activities to do. You understand, right? I mean, it's my special day and if I have gardenias instead of irises, then my marriage is doomed.

7) Oh, did I mention that I need you to fly to town for my bachelorette AND my shower? Unless I want to have it in Vegas. Then you need to fly there. . .and pay for your hotel and part of mine. Thanks!

So what's a bridesmaid to do? Where is it appropriate to draw the line? I have a friend who is in (not invited to, but IN) at least four or five weddings every year. Think of the list above, spending at least $500 on the dress, alterations, and shoes, then paying for travel to the wedding (if applicable), any hotel expenses, car rental, gifts, jewelry (oh yeah, some brides make you buy jewelry to go with the dress), not to mention any special undergarments that the dress might require (I have a bra I still don't know how to wear that has like 6 straps you can arrange 12 different ways. . .or something crazy) and then multiply it by 4. There comes a point where it's not feasible.

Sadly, that's when you have to prioritize friends. Ladies (and gentlemen), sit down right now. If you had to pick 8 of your friends today to be in your wedding, who would they be? Ok, with that list, when the requests come pouring in and you need to pick between friends, consult the list. Or get a job at Starbucks to fund Wedding Season.

Want me to write about something that interests you. . .or just give feedback? Check out my requests blog and post a comment with your request.
http://meauxdub.blogspot.com/2009/01/request-hotline-now-open.html

Also, I'm on Twitter now. Add me!

For Me To Poop On

2009-01-22T20:26:00.005-06:00

I love Charmin. Love it. I don't even think they should manufacture other toilet paper I love it so much. My mom bought it exclusively when I was growing up. . .I just think I never gave other paper a chance. I'd come home from college and revel in replacing the icky Scott paper with my pillowy, soothing Charmin. And no, they're not paying me to say this.

Anyway, they make rolls that are HUGE (the Mega Roll), and it rubs up against the wall and does that thing where you only get like one square at a time until you finally work your way down to a fairly normal roll size and it starts rolling smoothly.

So, I'm carrying my 12-pack home (and working whatever muscle is on my inner arms) and notice that they have an offer for an extender which replaces your normal holder and swings out so that it will fit the Mega Roll (imagine a booming voice that echoes when you read that). Oh, and it's free! Free! I got it within a week and it was like Christmas all over again. So uh, get yourself one!

http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/extender_request.shtml

"Don't rip yourself a new asshole with those other toilet papers! Use me!"

Mike H - Cell Phone Yammerers

2009-01-21T22:24:00.006-06:00

Hey! Why does Mike H get his name in the subject line? Oh, maybe because he made a request. Check out my request post and post a comment with what you want me to blog about (on any post really, I'll see it) and this could be you! You don't have to put your name, but if you do, I'll put it in the subject. Cool, right?

Anyway, I have plenty to say about people who yammer on their cell phones at crazy levels. Let me start though, by saying that I am anti-ringtone. My phone is almost always on vibrate because I can feel it when it rings, and if I can't, then I probably can't answer it. I don't like hearing people's ringtones. . .if it's in the other room, you'll hear it if it's on a table and vibrating. I also can't stand when people leave their ringers on at work. It's at most about 2 feet away from you. Just put it on vibrate. No need to bug the whole office with your weird factory-installed cell phone provider-branded tune.

Ok, back to the yammering. Mike lives in a big city, as do I, and it's inevitable that you'll get a loud cell phone user on your bus or train. They're talking all about some sexcapade or how they're SO pissed at so-and-so and HOW could she be so rude? I mean, what does she take me for? I don't have to put up with her shit, I mean I don't!

Everybody kinda looks at each other awkwardly trying not to laugh (it's even more fun if the convo is super personal and super loud). I actually had somebody on my bus tell her friend that she felt sorry for me because I was next to a girl who was talking about how her friend's fiancee died, but she needs to move on and not be such a bitch. Seriously.

I don't know if these people think they exist in the cone of silence and nobody can hear them, or if they don't realize how loud they're being, or if they simply don't care. In my head, I secretly want their boss or grandmother or someone to pop out from behind a newspaper and shock the hell out of these people.

It also sucks when you're walking on the sidewalk behind these people. It's as though their blood alcohol level shot through the roof, because they can no longer walk a straight line, and manage to block every possible way of passing them on the sidewalk. They also cut their walking pace in about half, and when you're contemplating tripping them, so you can step on their back to finally move past them, they end their call.

Finally, back to PT. Have you ever been on the bus next to someone who can't finish the bus ride sitting alone, quietly? I once sat next to a girl who made no less than 5 phone calls on the way home, so that she had someone to talk to. If only she knew I was there to listen. (awwwww. Not really though, that would have made me peel myself away from my iPod. As if!)

My badass side has this plan to call people out on their shit. I've narrowed it down to 3 options:

1) Start participating in these loud conversations:

Trixie: "OMG I was SO drunk! I don't even know where I woke up this morning!"
Me: "Totally. I'll bet it was super fun! whore."

2) Call my friend and start relaying all the details of their conversation as they happen
Trixie: "OMG. I was SO drunk! I don't even know where I woke up this morning!"
Me: "Mike, you won't believe this. The girl next to me doesn't know where she woke up this morning!"

3)Sit and stare at the offender as though you're listening intently to what they're saying. Super creepy like.

Instead I'll just complain about it passive-aggressively on here. Thanks for listening!

"I can't believe she would say that!"
"I know, what a bitch, right?"

Jack - Unwritten Rules

2009-01-18T22:17:00.004-06:00

This is the first of my requested blogs (don't worry Mike, yours is next). That said, there's still time to make requests! So read the one before this, post a request, then start reading.

Made your request? Awesome.

Ok, so I don't know what it is about my Sunday post-improv class trips to Whole Foods, but I'll be damned if it isn't "Carry-my-baby-0n-my-person-palooza." I would never do such a thing because:

1) I don't have a baby
2) I'm wayyy too klutzy.

My non-existent baby shouldn't suffer because I can't walk without tripping. Now, these women always seem to think that their needs are most important. I had one cut in and cut me off while reaching for peppers. Sorry, just because your baby is dangling off your tits, doesn't mean that you get to go first. Invest in a babysitter and let me shop in peace.

My other favorite thing is using the stroller as a mechanism to get through crowds. If you're using that thing like a cattle prod, then it's not my fault if I accidentally hit it. I'm sick of people thinking that just because they have a baby, that means that they automatically get to come first in everything. Until I have one. Then back the hell out of my way.

Also, while I'm ranting. I went to see Slumdog Millionaire this weekend. Jack had to pick up meds for his cat, so after some bad bus luck, we decided to cab it from the pharmacy to make it there on time. We get there, go to the next to last row and sit down. There's two seats between me and the people next to me, and a guy shows up by himself and sits in one of them. There's also a seat on the other side of Jack. So, previews go by (the new Star Trek movie looks awesome!), movie starts, and we're about 5-10 minutes in when these two a-holes show up. The woman asks if anybody is sitting next to me and we tell her no. Then, she asks if we could move down, so they can sit together. I just stare at her blankly because I can't believe how rude this request is. We oblige and then they continue to turn on their iPhone during the movie which shines in my face. They did catch one of my dirty looks, so that made me happy.

Anyway, it's one thing to ask people to move down before the movie, or even during the previews. But when you're late and there aren't any contiguous seats, your punishment is the front row. This is a well-known fact, and we've all fallen victim to it once or twice. I was mad that they were so rude, and I'm also made that I didn't answer "yes" to the is anyone sitting there question. Argh. Damn you honesty!!

Oh, and if you lied before and read this without posting a request, do it now. danke!

Request Hotline Now Open

2009-01-15T22:27:00.004-06:00

Hi loyal blog readers and commenters.

I want to write things you want to read (minus my post on yogurt. I just really like yogurt and want the world to know!). Soooo, I'm taking requests! Post your comment on any or all of the following and I'll write something just for you. Maybe I'll even name the blog post after you. hott.

1) As Seen on TV 2. Yes, I'm going to comment on the next round of Blue-Screen DRTV ads that you can't get enough of. Think Billy Mays. Let me know if there's one you want included.

2) Liveblogging. I tried it for the Emmys and it was ok. Let me know what event you want me to Liveblog and I'll do it (within reason. I mean, no porn or anything.)

3) TV Review. Any show you want. I'll review it. (note: I don't get HBO or Showtime or anything fancy. . .but I can be talked into paying a dollar to download a show if you feel passionately).

4) Anything else! Want to know my favorite Jello recipe? Improv warm-up? Drawer organizing tactics? Just ask!

Thanks for reading. I love all the comments and love even more that people are actually reading this crazy thing!

Also, as much as I hate to resort to talking about the weather, my widget says it's -10 right now and the Today Show told me this morning that I'll get frostbite if my extremities (including my nose!) are exposed for 1 minute. wtf? Does -10 feel that much different than -30? I say no. It's all motherf-ing cold.

Tuesday: The New "Me" Day

2009-01-13T22:38:00.005-06:00

I've long hated Tuesday. It's not Monday where you're annoyed, but refreshed. And it's nowhere near a weekend. . .and it rhymes with "boo"sday. So this year, I've decided to make it my "me" day. Yes, it helps that Biggest Loser is on (that Joelle! What a nut!), but it's an evening that's all about R&R in 2009. The plan is to try to get out of work as close to 5 as possible, hurry home to throw in laundry, make dinner and catch up on DVRed stuff. Start Biggest Loser a little late to skip all the "coming up" footage and the commercials and bake something. Oh, and folding laundry. There's nothing better than having a hot heap of freshly washed clothes surrounding you when there are sub-zero temps outside.

I love to bake and barely did any of it last year, so there will definitely be more baking in 2009. Shameless plug: Need goodies for a party? I'm definitely willing to be paid for my wares (for just the cost of ingredients and minimal labor). Today I made swag bars, which basically taste like nutter butter filling and have chocolate drizzled on top. They're only 155 calories each! Definitely a filling snack. My coworkers will be enjoying them tomorrow.

Anyway, I say, when the economy is crap, the weather is crap, and work is crap, you might as well take some time to yourself to enjoy the little things.

"Where's Anna Platypus?
She's one hot chick."

"Why don't meow ever look at
me that way? meow meow?"

I'm Pro-Biotic!

2009-01-08T22:05:00.012-06:00

I have a new love: yogurt. Seriously, I think I'm obsessed. I've moved it from breakfast to dessert and want to try every new, creamy, luscious flavor out there.

My newest habit involves going to Whole Foods, seeing what's on sale, and buying 2 (or more!). Naturally, I owe it to my blog readers to provide a review of the yogurts I've been sampling.

Brown Cow Yogurt:

They make three different kinds:
-Cream Top. This one is amazing!!! The chocolate one is my favorite because it's thick and rich yogurt with chocolate syrup at the bottom that you mix in. Better than chocolate ice cream!
-Low Fat: I don't think I've tried it
-Nonfat: Ok, I've had either this one or the low fat. Gotta say. . .they put these whole grains in it. . .it's nasty. It's like pieces of barley or wheat kernel or something in your fruity yogurt. It just ends up being kinda bitter.
So with Brown Cow, go big. Do the Cream Top and 15 extra minutes on the treadmill.

Rachel's

They definitely win the packaging battle. So pretty! And their flavors are stuff you can't imagine eating. . .so it must be good. For example: Pink Grapefruit Lychee and Marionberry Guava. Maybe the latter tastes like a coked out mayor and a tropical fruit. . .there's only one way to find out! Honestly, I had Rachel's a long time ago. I don't remember much about it. . .I think it was decent.

Yoplait Light Thick and Creamy

I quite enjoy the Key Lime Pie flavor and marveled at how they get it so thick. It's gelatin!! So basically it's jello yogurt. Two of my favorite things! I tend to get kinda sick of Yoplait and Dannon because of the artificial sweeteners, but I must admit my love of the Thick & Creamy. And please, get your mind out of the gutter.

Fage (pronounced Fah-yay)

So when finding this image, I also found the price. Almost $3 a container! It's really thick and good. . .although they have a 5% version that's 23g of fat! I had the 2% that's only 2.5g of fat and it tasted like it could have had 23. I even double-checked the label. I haven't tried the nonfat version, but I'm sure it's great. I've also heard people recommend using it as a sub for sour cream. If you know me, you know I could totally do a dollop of Daisy, so a yogurt that tastes like sour cream is perfect! Anyway, at the cost, it's a sometimes food.

Wallaby

Wallaby claims that their yogurts are made "Australian style". Apparently that means "Like Dannon, only a little thicker." It was ok. . .I only had a couple of the nonfat flavors, so maybe the lowfat ones are thicker. I tried Mango Lime and Pineapple Coconut, and they were just a little too similar for my liking. Cool cups though. . .

Also, thanks to all of you who commented about your favorite tv ads. I'll be doing another installment, so stay tuned! In the mean time, let me know what kind of yogurt you like. Unless it's that yogurt that makes you poop. I don't need to know about that.

As Seen on TV

2009-01-04T21:07:00.007-06:00

Welcome back blog readers! Or rather. . .me. But it's weird to welcome yourself back to your own blog. Took the holidays off from blogging, and instead watched boatloads of tv. What I found is that it's amazing how we all have functioned without some amazing, time-saving products.

First, using blankets is hard. I mean, lie down to watch TV and you might as well be in a straight jacket, right? And then there's the sliding. oof! Well, aren't you lucky there's a Snuggie? It's a blanket with arms! What's more? You can also pretend you're a monk. Order now and you'll get a free booklight. Which is weird, because theoretically, the Snuggie should give your arms the freedom to reach a lamp. Oh well!

"Ok sweetheart, time to transcribe the Bible and give up our worldly possessions!"

To see the actual commercial, go to: https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next?videoID=ai195&bufferTime=5

You know what else sucks? When your hangers don't fit in your closet? Ugh, it gets so crowded and then you can't add more. Well, thank goodness for Wonder Hanger. You can hang up 5 (!) items at once and then collapse the hanger so it fits. Wait? What's that? If I order now I'll get a Bend-a-Hanger, so my clothes don't fall off the hanger? And a stick-up light? Wow! I'll have the most tricked out closet in Chicago! And you'll double my order? Think of all the Snuggies I can hang up in there. . .

Enough room for a party! And who has hat boxes anymore?

Oh, how did we ever put on jewelry before? Us women with our lack of flexible arms and long nails? Luckily the folks at Clever Clasp thought all about us. They're magnetic and lock? Awesome! Wow, I can get 4 gold ones and they'll throw in 4 silver ones AND jewelry extenders in each color for when my neck gets fat from laying around in my Snuggie all day.

Aired during the Price is Right "Stuff Old People Can Use" commercial block.

So as you can see, it's amazing the human race has managed to continue to survive without the aid of these terrific products. And if anybody can remember the name of the one that blocks drafts from doors. . .that should be in here too.

Operation 23: Day 19

2008-12-19T20:46:00.002-06:00

So, I'm lying here watching Music and Lyrics. Not Oscar winning, but I like it! I also went down to my building's store and got some movie SweetTarts. They just started to taste like I'm eating pure sugar, so I still have many left. Anyway, I realized that my time is due for work on a day that I'm off, so I'll be figuring it out this weekend. I'll also be packing and cleaning. Jealous yet?

I so need a break. My mind is gone. . .just gone. . .I'm kind of on auto-pilot and going through the motions. I could also quite possibly need sleep, since I passed out on my bed at 10:30 last night.

Ok, I swear Drew Barrymore's hair just went from blonde to red in the movie. Weird.

Operation 23: Day 18

2008-12-19T20:26:00.002-06:00

Do you know how many people are born in December? So many! Had my roomie's bday dinner last night at Deleece Grill. . .pretty good! I woke up still full! I enjoy big dinners though - it's always nice to see everybody.

Ok, so at my office we're closed for the holiday. As a result, we get less vacation time, because you get the holiday time off too. Well, now they expect us to possibly work during our holiday days. It's kind of an interesting dilemma because if I took them as vacation days, there would be no such expectation. Then, however, we would all be fighting over the holiday days. . .so I guess you can't win. Anyway, after all the holiday craziness, it makes me grumpy to think about it.

On another note: I finished all of my XMas shopping! Well. . .except for my little dog. . .but she'll deal. So nice to have that done. Now I just need to pack. . .

Operation 23: Day 17

2008-12-17T23:32:00.005-06:00

I've been asked why I didn't do the obligitory "OMFG. There was a blizzard. It took SO long to get home last night!". Well, I can see the traffic from my office, so I knew I should take the train. Commute was a breeze!

Another crazy workload day. . .meeting all morning and catching up all afternoon. Escaped at lunch to do some Xmas shopping and stumbled upon the Gap's $10 scarves/hats/gloves sale. Bought 3 scarves just for me. . .and hats for the boys in my life. Called those closest to me from the Gap to see what they wanted and my mom mentioned that my brother needed a hat. So, since he's super picky, I called him to see what stipulations he had. Convo went something like this:

Me: Ian! They have $10 hats/scarves/gloves at the Gap! Mom said you need a hat, what kind do you want?
Ian: Well, the kind I lost was a driver's cap but -
Me: Did I mention that I'm at the Gap? What kind of knit winter hat do you want? Stripes? No stripes? Any specific manly dark color?
Ian: Oh. Uh, gray is fine. I guess anything without a cartoon character will do.

But, my afternoon came to a screeching halt when I found out that the Cowardly Lion found his very own Dorothy (well. . .if the Cowardly Lion and Dorothy ever hooked up. . .which might appear in the sequel to Wicked. . .who knows). Anyway, Drew Peterson is engaged again. . .to a 23 year-old. All I could think of are those creepy guys who go "I keep getting older and they stay the same age! heh heh." I don't know her name, because I call her Death Wish. Hopefully this one will stay alive. . .but I don't have high hopes.

Also, found this little gem online. Apparently LG doesn't know what a washer and dryer are (ok, dirty little secret. . .sometimes I like to look at appliances online. shutup.). You click on it and it shows you refrigerators. It's like being the first girl to fall asleep at the slumber party all over again. . .

ooh! My washer/dryer has an ice maker!

Operation 23: Day 16

2008-12-16T21:30:00.002-06:00

Holiday parties are catching up with me. . .physically. Had planned to wear an outfit today and the skirt was a little tight. whoopsies! It's super cold out, so I sported running pants under my skirt today. . .hott (side note: homegirl don't run. I just own the pants).

We're getting to the part of the year that is pretty nuts. We're starting to feel the impact of not being around most of next week and having to get stuff out the door. The meetings, lunches, etc. are also happening more frequently, so there are less hours in the office. Cap that with a blizzard and us being told to get out early, and there is 0 time for anything. For example, here was my schedule today:

9:10: Arrive at work. Missed the 9am meeting due to a late bus.
10am: Call
11am: Call
11:45am: Leave for holiday lunch with client
3pm: Get back to office
3:30pm: Internal Meeting
4pm: Agency-wide meeting
4:15: More internal meeting

So yeah, work doesn't get done. Anyway, tomorrow I get to try to finish my holiday shopping and then hopefully get even closer to 23!

Operation 23: Day 15

2008-12-15T23:08:00.004-06:00

Brrrr. I'm laying in bed in my comforter and my feet are freezing! The heater doesn't reach my room, so I have to sleep with my door open in the winter. Boo.

Today flew by. . .which could be good and bad. I have a ton to do, and it feels like I have no time to accomplish everything. The downside to all this holiday merriment is that it takes hours out of my work day when we leave early to go to parties, or have holiday lunches. . .or whatnot. Today was holiday party #5 - the account team outing. We left around 4 (or 4:15 if you're me) and headed to Elephant and Castle for some appetizers and drinks (or Coke if you're me again, thanks to my loverly sinus infectch). Typically our account team outings are:

1) long
and
B) way out of hand

This one only lasted 2 hours and was pretty tame. Fun fact: They don't do slumber parties in England! I learned that tonight.

Got my new knee-length down coat. . .just in time! Stupid deep freeze. It also has a hood. So crucial. What's worse than 5-degree weather? 5-degree weather and Chicago winds off the lake. If you've never felt your sinuses freeze, it's quite the experience. Thank goodness I'll get to be in balmy, tropical Cleveland soon. . .where it's actually warm enough to snow!

Have holiday party #6 tomorrow. Until then. . .

Operation 23: Day 14

2008-12-14T23:12:00.004-06:00

Today was improvriffic. Had my 3 hour class, which was the last class of the session. Some of my favorite classmates are taking different teachers next session, so that's always rough. With only 2 sessions left, I hope to have them in class again, but it may not work out that way.

Grabbed a Happy Meal and McDonalds totally changed their hot chocolate recipe. It used to be phenomenal, and now it takes like warm Hershey's chocolate milk. yuck! I threw it away. And they didn't give a My Little Pony toy, I got the Bionacle one instead Clearly I'm a girl! I demand ponies!

Had to head back to the theater by 6:30 for call time for our class show tonight. Jennifer, Melissa, and Jack came, so we headed out for a drink after. Basically, we do a 25 minute show that explores themes of a suggestion provided by the audience. The suggestion we got: gay people. Really? Ugh. Not an easy one. Also not a great show for me, but the nice thing about improv is that when you have a bad show, you never have to do that show again.

I just realized who Joel Osteen reminds me of (in looks only). . .Ed Grimley.

Going completely mental, they must say.

Operation 23: Day 13

2008-12-14T23:07:00.003-06:00

Got to sleep in, which is always well-needed. Decided to be lazy and watch tv most of the day. I can't even tell you what I watched. . .I believe What Not to Wear was involved. Oh! And lots of my Office DVD extras.

Went to Shawn's Holiday Party (that's party #4 for those of you keeping score at home). Due to the antibiotics I'm on for my sinus infection, I'm not supposed to drink. It was a complete shame because they had gourmet jello shots that I hear were really good. I ended up getting a horrible migraine and having to leave early. Only with a migraine, does your head pound, you feel like puking, and you can't even have the pleasure of watching tv.

Also, how creepy is Joel Osteen? He's on Larry King Live right now and is creeping the crap out of me. Too much crooked smiling. I bet the Duggars love him.

Operation 23: Day 12

2008-12-12T21:42:00.002-06:00

Feeling a little crappy today. . .went to the doctor to check out this sinus blockage situation. I met a woman who has some major heart problems and wanted to know if the doctor was nice. She was telling me about her heart deformity and mentioned that her friend who had it also had an aneurysm. As I talked to her, I noticed that she had tears in her eyes. I can't imagine her fear.

Anyway, I do have a sinus infection (sounds fairly minor), so I had to get nasal spray and a Z-pack. awesome.

Lots going on at work, but I'm just kinda tired. Getting my stuff done, but still. . .

My appetite is funky. I'm hungry and then I eat and I'm like "Whoa. This is a lot of food." Seriously, I couldn't finish a Boca burger patty today. Not even a burger, just the patty. wtf?

Have you seen the Give Joy Give More commercial for Carson Pirie Scott? I hate it. They play it twice a commercial break. I tried to find it online to link here, but it's not available. tear.

Ok, getting a bit woozy. later-o!

Operation 23: Day 11

2008-12-11T22:28:00.003-06:00

Did something super super stupid tonight. Got an email from my credit card company that said that somebody had tried to get into my account and they had locked it due to 3 unsuccessful attempts, so I needed to click on a link to unlock it. I freak out and think "OMG, who is trying to get into my account?" So, I click the link and enter my username and password. It then asked for my account number, bday, social, etc. As I'm reaching for my credit card I'm like "WHOA. I just fell for one of those phishing scams. . .hook, line, and sinker (pun intentional. . .and leave it to computer geeks to try to make identity theft sound like a pothead band)." So, I closed the window, opened a new one, typed in the URL and logged into the actual site and changed my password. (and guess what. . .my account wasn't locked).

Now, my dad and my social gerontology class in college fully educated me on e-mail scams. I know to be skeptical and to look for the signs that the e-mail isn't authentic. But, I fell for this one. Luckily, I realized it before any real harm was done. . .but still. . .

So, as my gift to you, ways to tell if an e-mail is a scam:

1) It comes to an address where you don't typically get e-mail for that account (e.g. if you have it sent to a Yahoo address, but the e-mail arrives in Hotmail)

2) When you hover over the link to the site, it isn't from a recognized URL (e.g. www.chase.com.imtakingyourmoney.cn). Yes, Chase.com is in the URL, but it's just like an extention (something that comes after the .com/). What you need to pay attention to is anything after the last two "dots" (e.g. imtakingyourmoney.cn). That's the real domain. Also, a note of caution. I can look like it's on the up-and-up, and be totally fake. So, even an authentic-looking link may not be real.

3) Your name isn't in the "to" field. Yeah, I know. It sounds kinda obvious. The one I got said "undisclosed recipients" and guess what. . .I didn't notice it until afterwards. If it's an e-mail about your internet safety, it will have your e-mail in it.

4) The From e-mail isn't from the url of the company. Again, sounds obvious. But, it could say "Bank of America Fraud Detection" and be from our friends at scammers@imstealingyourmoney.cn. Since the From line is what shows up when you can your inbox, you probably are freaking out and aren't looking at the From e-mail address.

Certainly not an exhaustive list, but when you get e-mails that require you to click a link and enter information, always open a new browser window and type in the URL to the institution yourself. Odds are you know it by heart because you go there to check your account and/or pay your bill monthly. And if there's an issue, it will tell you when you login.

Oh, and I ordered a new winter coat online last night. So excited!

Feel free to comment with any other tips and tricks for avoiding phishing scams. And congrats! You just won the lotto of a small, 3rd world country. . .all we need is your bank account info to wire you the money. . .

Operation 23: Day 10

2008-12-10T22:48:00.002-06:00

For a split second today, I thought XMas is next week. P.S. It's not.

A rare quiet day at work. . .rather nice! I felt kinda directionless as a result, but whatevs. Nasty sinus pressure, which I never get! I had used a Neti Pot earlier in the day (YouTube it), and I couldn't get the fluid to come out my other nostil, so I was convinced it was stuck in my face all day. Yuck!

Got home around 6 and Got about 3.5 hours worth of stuff off my DVR. Yay! Was gonna make salad for dinner, but my lettuce was gross. . .like liquid gross. So, instead I had waffles (Kashi Waffles, so I feel slightly less guilty).

Tried the Neti Pot again and almost got it to work. Saw some of the gunk in my nasal passages (hope you're eating right now!), so I count it an almost success. Everybody on YouTube makes it look so easy. I think my sinuses are layed out like the streets in Shaker Heights (Google Map it. It's f-ing impossible to get around there).

Also cleared Dad off my XMas list and found my mom and he the coolest gift. I'll need to remember to tell you about it after the holidays. . .in case they read my blog. If you leave a comment, I'll email you what it is. It's great for snowy locations and it's only $10!

Ok, time for sleepy. yay! Gonna start the process on my 3-day brownies tomorrow.

Operation 23: Day 9

2008-12-10T14:08:00.003-06:00

How are we still in single-digit days on this operation? my oh my.

Had Holiday Party #3 last night. It was a function for advertising professionals who belong to a variety of different ad/mktg orgs at Rockit. Rockit is a bar downtown where if somebody famous is in town, odds are they are hanging out there. swank. Took some clients and there was actually substantial food (a carvery! yay!), and I didn't eat anything fried.

Work is calming down a little bit, which is nice. . .and it's also nice not to have any more work holiday parties for the rest of the week.

Ended up catching up with a couple of former coworkers at the event, and met the person who took over one of my accounts. Poor thing! I decided to schlep over to catch a bus (I just don't trust cab drivers in icy/slushy weather) and waited for about 10 minutes in a blizzard, and then the bus was full. At 9:30pm the bus was packed!! Some dude scooted by me (presumably to get off the bus), and then I see him seated in the back! It was all I could do not to march back there and go "Seriously? Are you serious? You knocked over a dozen people so YOU could sit DOWN?" But then he'd probably give me some story about how his leg hurt because a car hit it as he helped an elderly lady down the street, but he's ok with it, because at least it was him getting hurt and not her. Or everybody would look at me like I'm a crazy bitch with some major issues. Or. . .both.

Ended up getting home around 10. Watched last week's Top Chef and went to bed. sigh.

Operation 23: Day 8

2008-12-09T00:04:00.002-06:00

How come none of these days feel like I'm getting any closer to 23? sigh.

Had to get to the Blue Line in the Loop this morning to visit a client for a morning meeting. Decided to plot out my trip the night before on the CTA Website, got to the stop early and then. . .no buses. I then saw the bus I needed pass the stop, completely bulging with people, with no buses behind it. Awesome. Got on this not-so-express bus that didn't really go near where I needed, and ended up almost knocking over a couple post-menopausal women to meet my coworkers.

There has to be little worse than a half day meeting to start off a Monday. I want some doctor to give me a medical condition that indicates my inability to focus throughout a 3 hour meeting. They're brutal. I'm also a little bitter because I had scheduled a vacay day for today. . .

Some weird vibes and defensiveness in the office, but I'm so past taking the blame for shit that isn't my fault. So annoying.

Got home around 6:15. . .downright early! Finished up my South Park script (actually formatted it. . .blech) and watched the uber creepy Duggar family.

Gift idea: www.wholesomewear.com. I recommend the culotte suit. hott.

Operation 23: Day 7

2008-12-07T23:15:00.002-06:00

Ah, another non-work day. I could get used to this! Today, I did nothing holiday related. It was glorious.

Went to improv and nearly bit it on a sheet of ice near Wrigley. Awesome. We just registered for the next session of class on Friday, so we were all talking about who's taking whom. Sadly, most of my class is taking other teachers, but I met someone in my new class, and she said that the people are pretty supportive and cool, so that's nice to hear. We have our class show next week, which made this week kinda weird. That and having 2 weeks off. . .so hopefully next week we'll be great!

Popped into Whole Foods and got a pizza for Jack and me. It takes 20 minutes, so usually I just go around and eat all the samples (today: panettone, sourdough, and tortilla chips) and then buy something I don't really need. I'm now the proud new owner of a jar of Burt's Bees Almond Milk hand cream. Seeing as the tops of my hands were so dry they were bleeding the other day, I think it will be put to good use.

Watched the finale of the Amazing Race. . .no spoilers, but I always love at the end when the team runs to the mat and all the other teams clap for them. If you look closely, Dallas and his mom didn't make it. I have a feeling they were stuck in Russia since Dallas lost their passports!

I'm having major DVR guilt, since I have most of my shows from last week still on it! I think I know what I'll be doing tomorrow night. . .

Operation 23: Day 6

2008-12-07T10:53:00.002-06:00

Typically, I schedule my hair appts pretty early. Thankfully, I didn't do that this time, so I got to sleep in a little. And yeah, I think I slept about 14 hours total. Clearly all this holiday partying doesn't agree with my circadian rhythm.

After my haircut, I treated myself to a donut from this awesome family-owned bakery. After all, I earned it. . .with my not making it to the gym and eating appetizers for dinner for 3 days straight.

Needed to meet up with another friend who was visiting, but also needed to return a library book. There were 2 buses I could catch and I saw one of them as I'm just around the corner from the library. I'm like "Ok, if I walk/run, I can just put it in the book drop and catch the bus." Well, after trying to run and going "Don't fall, Don't fall, Don't fall" in my head due to the snow/ice mixture on the sidewalk, I realize there's no book drop. So, I wait at the counter behind these two elderly Polish women who don't really know what they want to do. I'm getting increasingly impatient, as I know I've already missed the bus. Finally, I give the guy my book and get out. Check ctabustracker.com and realize that another one of the bus I saw isn't coming for 12 minutes. And it's like -23 degrees (ok, maybe like 19 degrees, but it felt like an arctic freeze). So, I turned the other way to see if the other bus was there. . .and it was, but across the street. BUT, the light was red, so I walk/ran, doing my "Don't fall" chanting and caught it!

Went to Argo Tea with Jean, Meesh, and Justin and we caught up for a couple hours (enough for 2 samples of quiche. . .), then Jean, Meesh, and I headed to Best Buy to get Burn Notice DVDs (they're obsessed with the lead actor, and Jean came into town to see him in a play here), and I got Season 4 of the Office. We hung out and watched 3-4 eps of Burn Notice (which I had never seen, but it's pretty good), and ordered in Thai food.

Side note: Instead of Crab Rangoon, they called them Crispy Crab Cream Triangles. Mmm. . .nothing sounds better than "Crab Cream". ew.

We went over to Dunlay Arms and met up with Becky, Steff and Putter. I had woken up with a wicked sore throat that was turning into some weird drainage sitch, so I headed out around 11:30 to try to get some sleep.

So yeah, busy busy! Very good to see Miss Jean though. We're already planning a trip to Disney World/Universal. There IS a great big beautiful tomorrow.

Operation 23: Day 5

2008-12-07T10:45:00.003-06:00

Got a couple days behind. . .so let me catch up!

Work on Friday was notsogood. I think the lack of sleep and general weariness finally got to me and I reacted to something in a way that's incredibly a-typical of me in any situation. And that's all I'll say about that. And no, nobody got hurt. :)

We got to leave around 2:30 to head to our Holiday Party, which was at 10 Pin (upscale bowling alley). We played some practice rounds, then played for points and I did not do well at all! I think I practiced too much, so by the time it counted, my wrists were pretty sore. Luckily my team was filled with a bunch of ringers, so we had the highest score of all the lanes (ok, there were only 4. . .but still. . .). Then we did trick bowling, which was AWESOME! Below is a list of what we had to do and how I was at it:

Under the person's legs who bowls after you (good!)
Backwards through you're own legs (horrible!)
Eyes closed (good!)
On your knees (good!)
Opposite hand (good!)
1-footed (horrible!)
Kicking (horrible!)

Fun fun! We then went to Harry Caray's where we saw the bartender film his Comcast segment. Afterwards, everybody applauds and they ring a bell, and he does a little bow. Cute.

Bowed out after a drink (that I actually left on the bar) and headed home on the bus - saw one of those new heated bus stops. They're ok. . .not as warm as I thought. Got home around 7pm and fell asleep at 8, waking up around 12:30am. I was mad because I was supposed to meet up with a friend who is visiting from out of town, but I think the week just caught up with me. argh.

Operation 23: Day 4

2008-12-05T00:17:00.003-06:00

Oh my gosh y'all. . .I'm tired. Got home around midnight from some post-work drinks with former coworkers. I miss them lots.

Was a little late to work today. . .oh wells. Work today was ok, but my coworker basically threatened that I wouldn't be able to go to the holiday party if he didn't approve of a presentation that we have to give on Monday. He decides to bring this up around 5pm. Oh, and he neglected to mention that it needed his approval. . oh. . .ever? So I'm mad and just say "I'm going bowling. This deck will get done". So he says "Maybe you should check with your boss." So I not only check with my boss, but I check with 2nd in command at my company. Dude, don't f- with me. If you're going to be an asshole, I'll make sure everybody damn well knows about it.

Anyway, Carrie and I headed out to John's bday drinks thing in Ukie Village, see Jennifer, eat lots of tater tots, tell lots of stories. Melissa shows up and we tell more stories (including one about some people with a pet raccoon!) and we head home. I leave my winter hat in John's car. Doh!

Ok, need sleep. Realized I have to get up early both Saturday and Sunday. blarf.

Operation 23: Day 3

2008-12-03T23:47:00.003-06:00

Today began the Calamari Trail. . . the onslaught of work-related holiday parties, lunches, etc. We threw a holiday party for a client at a restaurant out in the 'burbs, which meant leaving at 3. I ended up leaving late for work, as I had to put on my party outfit in the morning (waste 2 outfits on a work day? I think not!), and throw my snow boots over tights. I couldn't find my flat (read: comfy!) shoes, so I grabbed a pair of 4-inch heels and ran out to catch the bus. Got the express bus, which means I stand and try not to smash the people seated near me in the head with my bag filled with makeup, shoes, presentations (oops! forgot to bring them back to work after the last meeting!), and other items.

Also, you know those "Caution: Falling Ice" signs below high-rises? They scare the crap out of me. Every time my thought process goes like this:

-Hmm. . ."Caution Falling Ice"
-Is any falling now?
(look up)
-No.
-Oh, I shouldn't have done that, it could have hit me in the face.
-Shit. . .I should probably get inside.
-I wish they made helmets for pedestrians
-Would those look stupid?
-No stupider than getting knocked out by falling ice.

I got to work and realized that I didn't bring comfy shoes to wear around the office, so I had to wear my boots. Argh. Drove with the coworkers around 3 out to the restaurant (after miraculously getting my work done - when does that happen?), and got stuck in some crappy weather.

So. . .the party. #1 - the food was mostly shrimp and should-be-hot food that was mostly cold. Boo. I set a 2 glasses of wine limit for myself at these things and felt kinda drunk, which meant that I way didn't eat enough (and I even had my contingency granola bar before I left the office). Met a whole bunch of people, including another improviser. Yay! They also brought out more pizza. . .thank goodness! I somehow convinced myself that switching from Diet Coke to regular Coke would fill me up, but um. . .that was dumb. I have no intention to become either drunkorexic or appetizorexic. I need meals! My coworker ended up getting hit on by a much older man, but handled it like a champ. But still. . .ick! Got home around 11:20. . .so basically a 6 hour day in the office and a 6 hour party afterwards.

(side note: Watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 right now, and they're watching a movie and lots of the kids are crying. precious. uh. notsomuch)

So tired. . .need to upload the pics to FB. 20 more days!

Um, also apparently John Krasinski is dating Emily Blunt (have I mentioned this yet?). Tear. At least I have my own Johnny K right now.

Operation 23: Day 2

2008-12-02T19:44:00.004-06:00

Day dos. Raging headache right now. Argh.

If you recall yesterday, I left without finishing my hours. Well, I had an email this morning from accounting, then a post-it at lunch, then a call from my boss. I'm never late with my hours, so I'm not used to the barrage of "reminders". . .but wow. And. . .I did get them finished today.

So today. . .after talking to some coworkers, I realized that with Holiday Party #1 happening tomorrow, I needed to get something to wear with the skirt I bought for it. Ran to Ann Taylor LOFT during lunch, tried on like 800 things and ended up getting a ruffle shirt (which, when paired with my ruffle skirt, makes me look like a layer cake. . .so clearly didn't buy it for tomorrow), and a thing to throw over shirts that aren't work-appropriate.

(side note: Watching Biggest Loser and I swear every week, Heba finds a reason to say "I'm the heaviest woman here." Argh. Get over it!)

Today at work, had lots going on, but it wasn't quite as crazy. I also found out that with a coworker coming back from maternity leave, I may be able to take a day off next week after all. Yay!! Ate wayyy too much sugar (seriously? MORE Halloween candy? Nooo!!!). Made me more unproductive than I like to be toward the end of the day.

Had to run to the grocery store post-work to pick up milk and some ingredients for these amazing brownies I make once a year (mom's recipe). Amazingly, I left these things off my Peapod list. grr. Managed to get home around quarter of 7.

Tomorrow, our party is appetizers, so I'm trying to figure out how to strategically eat, so I don't come home starved! I'm thinking some granola bars are in order.

So anyway, get to leave work at 3 tomorrow to go to the party, but that means cramming lots of work into a short day. We'll see how it goes. . .another big deliverable due tomorrow.

Can't find my December InStyle either. . .it's my nighttime reading! How will I make it through Operation 23 without it?!

Operation 23: Day 1

2008-12-01T18:20:00.003-06:00

Welcome to Operation 23. Named after how many days from when I go back to work post-TGivs to when my holiday break starts, I'll take you through this crazy whirlwind holiday season one dizzying day at a time. Feel free to tell your own holiday funtime stories!

So yeah, Day 1 back at work. My coworker mentioned heart palpitations during Brunch while thinking about going back. I had to concur. Today was busy, but got one major to-do off my list. Hours were due today (that fun part of the month where we have to document everything we did in a day in 15-minute increments), so between getting my normal work done, I had to figure out what I did on November 17th. Ugh. Oh, and I left with 3 days to go. Oh wells.

Otherwise, pretty uneventful, although I found out I have a client meeting on Monday, which I was gonna take off. Sorry laundry, I'll have to find another day to wash you. argh. Not happy.

Managed to get home by 6 to wait for the Peapod guy. Why do I always think it's a good idea to eat all my food before I go out of town? Now I'm back and having Golden Grahams for dinner.

(ok, side note, the Law and Order SVU I have on is ripping from the headlines both the girls who got preggers on purpose story and the mom who harassed that girl who killed herself on MySpace. Efficient!)

Also, scratched another person off my shopping list! Productive!

15 days ago?!

2008-11-30T17:32:00.002-06:00

I just noticed that I last posted 15 days ago. That's insane! I guess I owe you an explanation as to what I've been doing and why I haven't been posting. My days go something like this:

-Wake up
-Get annoyed by someone on the bus
-Spend a dizzying day at work trying to keep up
-Get annoyed by someone on the bus
-Make pasta for dinner
-Don't go to the gym because I have a cold/watch Biggest Loser
-Shower (yeah, I shower at night)
-Read
-Sleep

Throw in a trip to Columbus and Thanksgiving without a secure Wifi connection, and no blogging for me.

Anyway, I'm sitting here watching Legally Blonde for about the 30th time (seriously, I could do a 1-woman show playing each character and reciting the dialogue. . .but so can most other girls in their 20s). The real gem I'm waiting for is the "Addicted to Food" and "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day" double feature on TLC. Can you beat that? No. You can't. It's not widely known, but TLC has the best shows (with the most direct titles) on Sunday nights. Example: "Half Ton Mom" followed by "Half Ton Dad".

Anyway, we're about to start the calamari trail at work (2 holiday parties this week alone!), so I'll post when I can!

Creepy Comparison

2008-11-15T21:15:00.004-06:00

Watching The Wizard of Oz right now and just noticed that these two people look very similar:

Wallowing in Self Pity

2008-11-15T17:41:00.003-06:00

Right now, I have a mild cold. Not terrible, but just annoying. I've decided to spend the day "Getting better", which really means I'm just sitting around watching cooking shows. Oh, I went to the library too. I don't know about you, but I hate getting sick. Usually, the realization progresses as such:

(small tickle in nose or throat)

Me: Oh no, I'd better not be getting sick!

(check Zicam package. . .see it expired 2 months ago)

Me: Dammit! No magic bullet this time. Fine. Fine. I'll just drink lots of water.

(nose starts running, need Kleenex)
Me: How did this happen? I've been eating my vegetables and working out? It must be work. Damn work for making me stressed out and compromising my immune system. Damn it! And why don't I have the lotion Kleenex on-hand? When do I use Kleenex except for when I'm sick? Why the hell would I buy the kind without lotion. Great. Now I'm in for a week of nose chafing.

(wake up)
Me: What the hell is going on with my throat? What day is it? Do I need to go to work today? Do I have any sick days left? No? Dammit! How little makeup and hairstyling can I get away with today?

My other regimin usually involves soup, saltines, and Gatorade. . .although I've had none of those this time around (only a mild case. . .don't need to pull out all the stops).

As annoying as colds are. . .they're nothing compared to the flu that went around last year.

Anyway, it's time for phase 2. . .spicy food to clean out the sinuses. Awesome, right?

What is your cold routine? Any good tricks you can share?

Well It's Been a Long Day. . .

2008-11-11T22:16:00.004-06:00

I'm tired. Ti. . .red. But first - thanks to those of you who read my last post about crime in the area and passed it onto your friends. People do some crazy stuff and I think we all take our safety for granted (including me!). It's important to look out for each other.

Anyway, long work day. blech. Cabbed it home, hadn't had dinner yet. Went to boil water for pasta and. . .no water. We have no water. Naturally. So, 3/4 of a CPK take home pizza later, I'm curled up watching The Biggest Loser (oh, don't get me started on the irony of that one).

Here's the thing about this season of the show. . .these people are doing a noble thing. A tough thing. They are working out for like 6 hours straight, stripping down to sports bras and spandex in front of america and getting on what looks like a cattle scale (demoralizing much?). Then, they have to act excited by Jello and Extra Sugar-Free gum when you know they're like "Dammit! I just really want some f-ing chocolate!". (side note: I heart Jello. I would be very excited by Jello). Anyway, this season has three (possibly 4, but he's kinda stupid and mute, so I just project his wife's personality onto him) of the most obnoxious, vile human beings on tv. And yes, I caught the episode of Survivor where Johnny Fairplay faked his grandma's death. These people are worse. I'm rooting for them to gain weight or fall on the treadmill or something. Then I feel horrible. They also have some normal, decent people. I root for them. Especially because one is from Cleveland. Yay!

Ok, have to get up early to practice for a presentation.

"Tell me more, Maureen!" -you

That will have to wait for another time. In the meantime, Miss Bitchface herself:

Worst ad for Asics ever.

Be careful!

2008-11-09T21:17:00.002-06:00

Hey blog readers -

I wanted to share an e-mail I received from a friend. No matter where you are, the economy sucks and people get desperate, so be careful! The e-mail is long, but worth reading.

"I know some of you have heard already...and whether you have or not, I
feel that it is very important that I pass along this story to you in
hopes that you pass it along to everyone else that you know. Something
terrible happened to my friend and I the other night and I want to spread
the word so that the same thing doesn't happen to anyone else.
I know that you hear stories about things like this often, and think that
it would never happen to you - I certaintly didn't expect this to happen
to me, but I'm telling you from first hand experience, it was the most
terrifying thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life.

On Wednesday, November 5, 2008 my friend Erin and I went out for the
evening in the Lincoln Park area (Chicago). After going to the bars we
went to get something to eat with a few other people, not far from my
apartment. Erin and I left the restaurant to walk home - around 1:00 am
- we didn't think it was necessary to take a cab - the weather was really
nice and we were only a few short blocks from my apartment. Our friends
offered to walk with us, but again, not thinking it necessary because I
have done that walk a million times.

We are walking and talking, now only about a block and a half from my
place, we are right next to the church I attend in a really nice
neighborhood with huge expensive houses. (What I'm trying to show is that
this can happen ANYWHERE) The next thing I know, Erin is grabbed from
behind and a guy appears in front of me - inches from my face - and grabs
me by the arms holding my shoulders and arms against my sides. It all
happened in a split second, out of no where. There were
5 guys that surrounded us, they must have been hiding in between parked
cars and bushes next to the sidewalk. Somehow I manage to break free from
the guy's grip but he grabs me and pulls my arms behind me.
Again somehow I break free, lose my shoes and start running. He is chasing
after me. I briefly look behind me and see Erin on the ground with 4 of
the guys holding her down. She is screaming for me and struggling. The
hardest thing I ever did was to keep running. I didn't even have time to
think, but my body's initial reaction was just to RUN, RUN FOR HELP NOW. I
knew that if I stayed to help her it was going to do no good....2 girls
and 5 guys are terrible odds. I felt so guilty leaving her, but I had to
get help. So I ran faster than I ever have in my entire life. I remembered
that there was a hostel right around the corner. I ran into the hostel and
as I'm screaming and crying tell the guys working we had just been
attacked. 2 of them run to get Erin and 1 stayed with me while I called
911. Within a minute the the police and ambulance showed up. I was
escorted back to the scene a few minutes later - still terrified and in
shock of what had happened...and so terrified to see Erin. As I approached
I could see blood all over the sidewalk. Inside the ambulance, Erin is
covered in blood. In the stuggle, her body is scratched and scraped and
bruised, and her hair is soaked with blood. Her head was hit against the
sidewalk.

We spent the entirety of the rest of that night and morning in the
emergency room. I only had gashed my foot open from running, but Erin
sustained a decent sized gash and had to get 5 staples in her head. We
both had to get tetanus shots as well. Luckily, physically we were ok for
the most part, but the emotional trauma from that experience is one far
greater than I can explain. We are both still absolutely terrified and
traumatized from what has happened. You feel so violated and helpless. I
am terrified to walk anywhere anymore, even in daylight. I shouldn't have
to feel that way in my own neighborhood.

The next day we went back to the scene to try to put the pieces together.
You can still see blood on the sidewalk. We were able to find a few of
Erin's bracelets and her headband, but nothing else. I also noticed the
Priest from my church and another woman outside the church talking. I went
to tell them the story so that they could inform the neighborhood. They
mentioned to me that lately ours and other surrounding neighborhoods have
been targeted. There was a woman in the neighborhood who was pulling in to
her garage, at NOON - daylight! she had her 2 little children in the car,
and as she pulled into her garage and the garage door was closing, 3 men
rolled underneath the door and were shut into the garage with her and her
children. They robbed her at gun point. This happened at noon, broad
daylight, in Lincoln Park. The last thing anyone would expect. PLEASE
PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELVES.

The men who attacked us were 5 hispanics in their mid to late 20's.
They got away with Erin's purse, which incidentally only had a few credit
cards and only $20 cash. I'd like to think that they were only out looking
to rob somebody, but who knows what could have happened had we not been
able to get help, or if they had weapons, or God forbid, had we been alone
and not together. There are so many "what if''s" that I don't want to
think about....but what I do know is that we are extremely, extremely
lucky that something worse didn't happen to us. I find it ironic that this
happened in front of my church....I really think God was watching out for
us and that is why something worse didn't happen. We were taught a very
valuable lesson.

I wanted to tell everyone what happened to me because I would never want
this same thing to happen to anyone else. I think I just got a little too
comfortable with my surroundings and gained this false sense of security
that "It won't happen to me," "It won't happen in this neighborhood," etc.
etc. etc.

What I think attracted the guys to us is that Erin was carrying a large
purse. I don't even know if they saw my purse because it was a small,
black hand clutch, but Erin had a large light colored shoulder bag. This
may have made us easy targets. Girls please think about then when going
out at night.

For girls and guys both you never know. Crazy people do crazy things, and
especially as this economy is so bad right now....people are getting
desperate and will do terrible, cowardly things to get money or whatever
it is they need. Protect yourself and your friends.

NEVER WALK ALONE. Never walk at night - I'm telling you...the $7 cab ride
is worth it.

Please pass this message along to everyone you know.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.....I hope it was an eye
opener, cause it certainly flipped my life around and the decisions I will
make in the future."

Now, I relayed this story to one of my friends who lives in Lakeview, and he told me that someone attempted to mug him in his garage. I heard another story of someone being beaten up in Buena Park.

So anyway, be careful out there - take cabs and make sure you're with friends when you walk somewhere.

Thanks!

Election Day!

2008-11-04T19:29:00.002-06:00

My polling place is in my building, which is really convenient. Every time I've voted, I haven't had to wait. Pretty awesome. Anyway, I got up at 6:30, threw on my workout pants and a hoodie, grabbed my wallet and keys and went downstairs. What I found was a line snaking through my elevator lobby, reception lobby, past the doorman. . .and this isn't even a swing state! I gladly waited, with my unbrushed hair (and teeth. . .eww), my t-shirt from elementary school and hoodie that doesn't match. I watched people fight with the election staff, fret over the line, and walk past the line looking at us like we're nuts for waiting that long.

I have to say though, watching Obama take Pennsylvania, seeing Elizabeth Dole lose. . .and who knows what's to come was worth it. I love feeling like I was a part of what's going on. I'm trying to find a map of Ohio to see how my county (or former county) is going! Stay tuned. . .

Those Weird Little Moments

2008-11-02T21:32:00.003-06:00

You know those moments. They make you stop and take stock of what you're doing with your life. I was in improv class today, and as most improv teachers do, mine asked if we had seen any shows that week. I, as usual, kinda just looked around as though I'm so interested in the shows other people saw and couldn't possibly burden them with talk of what I saw. This is akin to raising your hand in class just as someone was being called on, so it looked like you had something to add, when in reality, you didn't. I didn't see any shows. Just like the week before.

Anyway, a girl in my class mentioned that she attended the SNL audition showcase. I found out that someone else, very close to my age was part of that audition showcase. While she is wayyy more advanced than me and has been at this longer, it just makes you think "Crap. I need to step it up. How often are there audition showcases in Chicago? I'll be 40 by the time another one rolls around. I just missed a plum opportunity" Then, I went through improv class thinking "How stupid could I be wishing I was included, I'm not even the best one in this room, let alone this city. Argh. Why am I doing this?"

It sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Then I remembered. What's Cheri Oteri doing now? Arguably one of the funniest women of the 1990s and according to IMDB her last movie was Major Movie Star (starring Jessica Simpson). Then I thought of a woman who makes me laugh almost every week - Phyllis Smith (aka Phyllis from The Office). She's not from one of the big comedy schools, yet she's on a hit show. So, there are many paths to achieve the dream. And just because you get on a show like SNL, that doesn't mean that you're guaranteed success. Although, I would like to see Cheri Oteri more. . .surely there's a sitcom out there that's right for her? Please, Hollywood?

Oh, and step 1 on my journey is going to be seeing more shows.

Things I find delicious: Mid's Pasta Sauce

2008-10-26T17:16:00.005-05:00

When I moved to Chicago, my mom gave me a bag full of groceries to get me started (pulled from our pantry and driven from Cleveland). Included was a big jar of Mid's pasta sauce. You don't hear much about that brand, but let me tell you that it is the best I've ever had. Better than I get in restaurants, oftentimes. I kept an eye out for it in Chicago and then gradually forgot about it. Then, as though from the heavens, it landed on the top shelf in the pasta sauce aisle at Jewel (or "Jewel's" if you're from the south side).

By the way, no, they're not paying me to do this. I sometimes just really like things that I think that other people haven't heard of, and I like it so much that I want you to try it.

Anyway, it's very thick - like tomato paste. The ingredients are well blended, so you don't feel like you're chewing on canned mushrooms through your pasta dinner. It doesn't have that watery feel that you get with other brands. It also makes it very full of flavor and you use less! It is more expensive than the other jars in the aisle, but you also get more for your money.

I went on their website and took a look at their history, and they're from Canton, Ohio! So naturally I want to support this local company.

So anyway, if you see it in your store, pick up a jar and check it out. Let me know what you think! I promise you won't be disappointed.

"I'm delicious!"
www.mids.cc

Just Can't Get Enough

2008-10-23T22:34:00.003-05:00

Guess where I'm going tomorrow. Guess. Answer: the periodontist/comedian! Let's review:

1st trip: "I'm gonna yell at you." "There, I didn't yell at you too badly, did I?"
2nd trip: "All done" (me): "That's it?" (him): "Why, did you want more?"
3rd trip: ??

I'm thinking a "Looks so good we'll have to pull more teeth" will be in order. hopefully anyway.

Also, I think CTA bus drivers hate me. Twice this week (twice!), I've been at the stop (even knocked on the door) and the bus driver wouldn't let me in. Are you f-ing kidding me? Yet the homeless guy is splayed across a row of seats. sweet. It's getting cold. They'd better start letting me on the damn bus. What worse is that the bus I did end up getting on had a really nice bus driver who was like "Good evening!!" and I was so angry I just looked at him and swiped my card. Then I felt guilty about it.

Finally blog fans, I'm attending a Halloween party next Friday where I need to dress like my favorite country (real or imaginary) and my favorite sport (real or imaginary). I'm taking suggestions here, and if it's super good then I may execute it (and post pics, natch). So, post some ideas. Right now I'm stuck on Sarah Palin/Alaska/Moose Hunting, but who isn't going to be that this Halloween, right?

Blogiatus and Another Maureen

2008-10-20T20:51:00.007-05:00

Where have I been? Where?

Family in town for about a week and a half, but I'm back! Ready to blog all about the crazy world we live in. I have about 3 shows on my DVR to review for you. . .even if they're old news to you by now.

I have been productive in my non-blogging time, however. I met one of the heroes of my youth. . .Marcia Brady. . .or rather Maureen McCormick (Marcia Brady is still 17, technically. . .or whatever age she was when the 90's series "The Bradys" aired). Now, just a little bit of background. Every day when I came home from school, I'd watch The Brady Bunch at 4:35pm on TBS. I made my mom do my hair like Cindy in 4th grade (just for a day), and I wrote TBS a letter when they took The Brady Bunch out of their rotation. I've seen every episode more times than I care to count, and I've read probably 3-4 books about the show. I'm a fan. . .and have been for about 20 years.

Anyway, Maureen McCormick was at the Borders on Mich Ave and possibly the most interesting (read: nerdy and way too eager to spill any tv trivia they know) group of people waited in line with me. Anyway, I felt like a huge creepy dork as I approached her. The exchange (mostly me saying weird things to her) went as follows:

Me: My name is Maureen too
Her: All right!
Me: You were the first Maureen I ever saw on tv - I never knew someone with my name
Her: Awww
Me: I finished the book. Uh. . .it was really good!
Her: Already? Wow!
My mom: Yours was the only show we'd let her watch

Ok, that last statement totally wasn't true. I mean, she said it, but it wasn't true. I don't really know why she said that. I didn't even get to ask her if Bobby Brown actually fixed the tub during Outsiders Inn, if she still keeps in touch with Screech, or how she really feels about Adrian Curry. Argh.

Anyway, I did read her book and it is pretty interesting. You should pick it up. Not a lot about the Brady years, but honestly, the time afterwards was the most interesting - and she's going through some family drama right now that sounds just insane.

Me. . .creeping out a Brady.

Knight Rider - New Show Review

2008-10-05T17:29:00.003-05:00

Show: Knight Rider
Network: NBC
Day/Time: Wednesday, 7:00pm (CST)
Type: Draaaaammaaaa!
Episode Watched: A Knight in Shining Armor
Setting: Classified.

This show has been on my DVR for about 2 weeks. . .that should tell you how pumped I was to watch it. hmm. As with 90210, I never watched the original. I can't speak to the awesomeness of The Hoff, or how super cool Mr. Feeney was as the voice of Kitt. I can tell you how atrocious the acting is on this show. Painfully bad (but bad enough to watch and laugh at). Although, to their credit, the writers are making them say things like "I have advanced degrees in several types of advanced physics" "Yeah, well I speak 9 languages." (ass flash). Hard to be convincing.

The show opens with lots of running. I needed a Gatorade before the opening credits. Then, they had this really cool car commercial for a sportscar that seems to turn-on-a-dime, and has cool lighting features. . .oh wait. It's the opening credits. My bad. NBC employs the Fringe strategy of telling me know exactly how long the commercial break is. Even with DVR, I'm a fan. Speaking of commerical breaks, I've also noticed that they have a cliffhanger before almost all of them. Apparently the producers don't trust people to stay tuned at all.

So yeah, overall. . .it was ok. Mostly because of the car.

Best scene: When they’re told that they would be boiled alive in their own bodily fluid. Soup’s on!
Oh my gosh! Isn't that: Nobody. . .tear.
You’ll like this if you miss: The original Knight Rider? Maybe?
Underpants shot: Yep! 13 minutes in.
Product placement: Whatever kind of car that is.
Added to schedule?: Nope.

Also, update! We have our first casualty of the Fall season. Do Not Disturb will not be. . .er. . .disturbed. It was cancelled after 3 episodes. And the producers apologized for being "the “proprietors of such bad television." Ouch. They're replacing it with reruns of 'Til Death. Double ouch.

R.I.P.

"Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!""

2008-10-01T21:21:00.004-05:00

Should I be concerned that whenever I go to the dentist, songs from Little Shop of Horrors run through my head?

For longer than I'm willing to admit, I've had this root canal that needs to be redone (root canal = fun! 2 = so much fun!). I went to the endodontist today for my consultation (side note: I like saying "endodontist"). Well, turns out my time with him would be short-lived, and I would learn another fun word: periodontist. He enters the room saying "I'm going to yell at you." Sweet. Bring it on. Better now than when you're poking my open mouth with sharp things. Luckily, his version of yelling and my version are verrrrryyyy different. They can't do the root canal because I waited too long, so now they have to extract the tooth and give me an implant. Explain to me again why he needs to "yell" at me? Maybe he should yell "Yippee!! 4 grand in my pocket! Whooooo!! Thanks for waiting sucka!!"

After hearing in graphic detail what he would need to do and the possibility that I would need to be sedated if I got to squirmy during the procedure (sedated?!), I got to meet with another woman: The Director of Oral Surgery Role Play. She has a ton of plastic models and shows you exactly what they do with metal rods and stuff. . .and the price tag. So not excited about that part.

Then I got shipped off to the reception area where I learned all about how much my insurance would cover (answer: next to none of it).

I also learned that once this is taken care of, I'll have a ton more energy. So, lookout world!

They're standing tall on the wings of their dreams.

Gary Unmarried - New Show Review

2008-09-29T19:20:00.003-05:00

Show: Gary Unmarried
Network: CBS
Day/Time: Wednesday, 7:30pm (CST)
Type: Comedy?
Episode Watched: Pilot
Setting: No Clue

Bor-ring! 4-camera laugh-track fodder. The premise is that a recently divorced painter with two kids is dating a woman who has a son. His ex-wife is dating their marriage counselor, and their trying to teach their kids how to have fulfilling relationships. Nothing overly funny. . .typical family fare. I'm bored just writing this.

Best scene: Uhh. . .probably when Ed Begley Jr. walked in, because then I got to say "Oooh! Ed Begley Jr.!"
Oh my gosh! Isn't that: Nobody. . .tear.
You’ll like this if you like: Two and a Half Men
Underpants shot: Nope
Product placement: Second Life
Added to schedule?: No.

The Mentalist - New Show Review!

2008-09-28T18:25:00.005-05:00

Show: The Mentalist
Network: CBS
Day/Time: Tuesday, 8pm (CST)
Type: Draaaammmaaaa
Episode Watched: Pilot
Setting: Los Angeles

As a huge Big Brother fan (I have to eat veggies to gain back some brain cells. . .), I've seen many a "The Mentalist" commercial. Almost all of the cool coups were shown in the promos, but there were some surprises. Basically, Simon Baker plays a detective who works for the LAPD (home of Joe Friday) and is more observant than everyone else around him. He gets himself into some pickles. . .gun-filled pickles, but pickles nonetheless. And wouldn't you know. . .nobody kills him! That's a good thing because then there wouldn't be a show anymore. It's kind of cool to see what he notices that in some cases even I didn't notice while looking for the catch (and surfing Facebook while watching). It's a pretty engaging show, and from what I can tell, you can probably tune into almost any episode and won't be behind.

The overarching plot is that the "Red Face Killer" has killed around 12 people (including Simon Baker's character's wife and child) and is still on the loose. . .now with copycats. Anyway, it was pretty enjoyable!

Best scene: Simon Baker as a John Edward type guy prior to working for LAPD. Haha.
You’ll like this if you watch: Psych. . .or so I've heard
Underpants shot: Nope
Product placement: Serenity Tea. Mmm. Calming.
Added to schedule?: Maybe. . .but Tuesday is already pretty full. I’d definitely watch reruns though.
Oh my gosh! Isn't that: Rex from DH? Sadly killed off here too. tear.

yes. yes it is.

The Power of Positive Facebooking

2008-09-24T22:06:00.003-05:00

A few days ago, a girl I went to lower and middle school with posted some pics from K-5th grade (including our 5th grade class photo with my Sally Jesse Raphael glasses and super hairsprayed, immovable hair). Anyway, what ensued was a barrage of comments from a bunch of us who probably wouldn't have talked to each other at the time.

Why is it that Facebook is less awkard than reunions or high school itself? I add people who I really didn't like at the time, and I'm fairly certain didn't like me, but when they pop up in that "People you may know" section, I can't help myself. All of a sudden, they're a long lost friend who I'm excited to get back in touch with. Except I don't message them, write on their wall, or even acknowledge that we've confirmed our friendship. So clearly, bffs forever.

I must admit though, it's kinda cool seeing all these people who were good friends, worst enemies, or just sort of pretended like the other didn't exist participating in a dialogue about how one guy is really well dressed for a 10 year-old or another one looks like he has long hair.

Hopefully we don't run through the typical reunion conversation before the actual event. Then it will be super awkward.

Worst Week - New Show Review!

2008-09-22T21:47:00.005-05:00

Are you tired from all the liveblogging last night? I know I am. Well, back to learning about who may (but probably won't) be at the Emmy's next year.

Show: Worst Week
Network: CBS
Day/Time: Monday, 8:30pm (CST)
Type: Comedy. . .?
Episode Watched: Pilot
Setting: A suburb somewhere?

The show opens and we learn that the typical schmo guy is dating a pretty hot chick. Oh, and she's preggers! And whoops! He leaves a sarcastic message on their machine about her parents that they almost hear. Phew! That would have been bad if they heard!

Oh, and they have to go the parents' house and oh no! Sam (that's the guy) is late AND ends up naked (loooong story). Anyway, without regurgitating every slapstick plotline from 70's sitcoms, I can tell you slapstick abounds. Lots of it. And yeah, this guy is having a very bad week. Perhaps even his Worst Week (title alert!)

I could some people digging this show, but it's definitely not for me. Much better than Do Not Disturb though. I don't hate myself after watching it.

Best scene: Lights go out, Sam tries to find the bathroom, ends up peeing on the goose and is caught when the lights come on.
Pickle: This show is a jar of ‘em. The main one is he is making an irrevocably bad impression on the parents the night he’s supposed to tell them he’s marrying their daughter.
Sassy Gay Man: no. not even a non-sassy gay man.
Sassy Black Woman: nope. no one remotely not white.
You’ll like this if you miss: Dharma and Greg. . .I think. Never watched it.
Underpants shot: Naked shower shot!
Product placement: Nope!
Times I laughed: 0
End Credits: Previews for other shows
Added to schedule?: Nope. Still looking for something to watch on Mondays.
Oh my gosh! Isn't that: Red from That 70’s Show? Aaahhhh! And Aziz Ansari in a cameo!

yes. yes it is.

Emmy - Drama Series

2008-09-21T21:55:00.002-05:00

Mad Men wins and the crowd goes nuts! Whoa, somebody has a crazy swirly dress. ick.

Guy from DH jumped that train at the right time.

Whoa, and it's over! Thanks for reading! They finished early. Nuts!

Emmy - Comedy Series

2008-09-21T21:51:00.003-05:00

Tribute to Betty White, me thinks. Wow, she's been on tv for 60 years! Betty White looks amazing! I hope she says something about Estelle Getty. She seems so positive as a person, and it's nice to see her in this business for so long. Ok, so not a tribute. whoops!

Want 30 Rock to win this one, but I'd be cool with The Office too. 30 Rock wins!! Fey just called it a "Turkey Burger Economy" and plugged the show. Nice!

Emmy - Reality Show Host

2008-09-21T21:43:00.003-05:00

FINALLY! Not saved to the end.

Also like that Jimmy Kimmel tells people not to pretend like they don't watch reality shows. I totally agree. You're not above them.

Ok, making this into a bit is lame. Just announce it.

I'm kind of amused that they're going to break instead of announcing the winner. Ok fine, I'll accept the bit.

And. . .we're back. Jeff Probst wins! Yay!! Even though I didn't pick him, he does a great job and has to live with bugs. ew.

Emmy - Actor, Drama/Actress, Comedy

2008-09-21T21:36:00.004-05:00

Really speeding through.

Picked Jon Hamm. And Bryan Cranston won from Breaking Bad. Never seen it. . .don't know what it's about. Now I know that Cranston is proud of it. Ok.

Music! So much for Kiefer wanting to leave time for the winner.

Ok, I'm getting really disturbed because they're saving this Reality host thing until way too late.

Actress in a Comedy - please be Tina Fey. YAY! It's her!! So deserving. Maybe she'll be funny again when she speaks. And score! She is! I want to be her.

Emmy - Dead actor montage!

2008-09-21T21:29:00.002-05:00

Here it is! The dead actor montage! It's my favorite part because it makes me sad when we lose great actors.

Didn't know Bernie Brillstein did NewsRadio. huh.

Awww. . .Estelle Getty.

Oh man, Bernie Mac. That one's hard to see. Suzanne Pleshette, also very sad.

Tim Russert. . .also tough. And George Carlin. . .Mr. Conductor.

And. . .it was followed up by a Bertolli commercial with a guy crying. Are you kidding me?

Emmy - Lead Actor, Comedy, Actress, Drama

2008-09-21T21:26:00.002-05:00

Ok, so picked Carell, but TOTALLY support an Alec Baldwin win. A nice tribute to Tina Fey too!

note: slow down! They're speeding through this thing!!

Sound issues, but I picked Glenn Close and she won! Never seen the show, but she's an awards show horse. She wins.

I totes have to pee. Music! Lots of music tonight.

Emmy - Lead Actor in Miniseries or Movie

2008-09-21T21:18:00.002-05:00

Ack! Spoke too soon! What's on Glenn Close's shoulders? Ick. Don't like that at all.

Picked Giamatti. . .and it's. . .Giamatti!!! Yay!! Tom Hanks is whistling for him. A nice reference to the Tina Fey spoof of Palin.

Emmy - Writing, Directing, Guest Actor and Actress in a Drama

2008-09-21T21:11:00.004-05:00

Kate Walsh looking pretty smoking.

Picked Robin Williams and Cynthia Nixon for being creepy. Got 1 right.

And now for directing, which I didn't do a pick for. . .let's see who we've got.

That's the Boston Legal music (which doesn't make you think you're about to see a drama). And House wins. He's sitting in about Row T.

I think I just saw Paula Deen. . .but maybe not. How fun would that be though?

And now, writing.

Mad Men wins! Some woman in the audience has a really sparkly pinky purple sequined thing. It's distracting. Keep an eye out for her.